The fear inside...

I hate being in this constant state of contradiction, feeling lost, having to assume things... I HATE IT!!! Maybe I am just being too weak, or maybe I just care too much, overly sensitive to my surrounding... Don't ask me why, I am like that... and boy do I hate it man....

I am tired... really tired... cause I don't understand, and I do not enjoy leaving a question hanging... I like it solved... coz its bothers me... and no one wants a problem during a weekend when they already have plenty over the weekdays... TRUST ME!!!

Bloody Monitor keep giving me problem, think I have to change it soon before it cause my cpu to crash.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like just screaming like that now man... Thank god for Muay Thai, truely the only things to vent whatever I have within. I think if there is not muay thai, I will be in Hougang Chalet already.

Giving everyone everything and end up with nothing for yourself... should I be so selfish... can't i deserve some too??? Someone tell me??? I am afraid, to do things I want to do... or at least think I want to do... I donno why... but it seems that way... TOTAL SIAN-NESS!!!

Self Reflection...

A series of events lately have really caused me to sit down to reflect on me, Ryan Koh, as a person. This is no bragging session, neither a self pity or whatever you want to see it session. But I really feel that its healthy for everyone to do this once in awhile... To truely understand yourself from ground zero.

Hmm... Honestly, I say I try to be there for everyone of my friends.. those needing a listening ear, a word of advise, a shoulder to rest on and all... So much so I wonder at time, What is the base to the advise I am giving? What made me so special to be advising people. At times I get so overly carried away I will think, Why complicate such a simple matter and broad over it... GET OVER IT ALREADY... but reflecting on that now... its not as simple as it seems.... Coz like they will say, things are often easier said then done. Many a times, maybe me being overly sensitive again, I feel that me extending my aid seem to others as my form of showing off. In what expect I really donno, maybe i am just being to self centered, and feel that all the attention is at me all the time... You know I am not sure if you feel this... but I do all the time... I feel that I am judged every second of the day (except when I am alone, and even then, u do judge urself too... when u look into the mirror). I voice this out and many people just thinks I am being paranoid, maybe I am, but i cannot help it. Serene mention about brain conditioning, and again, I feel that its something easier said then done, if everyone is capable of doing so, psychiatrists around the world will be out of job.

I am sure many of you out there have experienced moment where what u say and what u think is contridicting... Like you tell urself "I can do this" but in your mind you are going "there is no way" yet u try to convince urself you can... Its a kinda conditioning, but I honestly say... it doesn't really work on me... coz many a times, these things that happens to me is a reflecting of my past. so much so it as already turn to a habit, a reflex, something that will come to you naturally when something else happens. Hard to change, but never impossible... working hard on it...

I am into a new phase of workout and trying to 'regain yesterday's glory' and ultimate aims... started my cycle of supplements again. and already catching up on my runs and all... thou the distance remains... still trying to work on my stamina. First run of the year starts in less then a month away. Singapore Passion run, a 15km run this year... ECP, my most hated running round when comes to running event coz its a round about run so everything u see its pretty much the same... SIAN....

There is plenty more to reflect... but I cannot really put them in words right now... so i will leave it as it is now... and maybe a part 2 or what some other day then... Cheers, and have a great weekend ahead everyone!!!!

Rainy day... woo hoo

The day started off rainy... and have not seen the sun all day... not sure will get to see it today lah... Thank god for the plaster (yao gao bu in chinese), have a bad case of stiff neck after yesterday's session of muay thai... guess I really have to strengthen muscles there. Apart from that, yesterday training was pretty fun, a huge group and the cooling down regime was a killer. SHIOK ARH!!! heehz

Learn a very interesting phrase from TV today, or Rui En for that matter. She says, "You can be everything to everyone, but end up being nothing to yourself." I feels its really meaningful and reflects alot on myself. Many a times, I have been so focus in making everyone around me happy, that i neglected myself. Its not wrong to be selfish and think of urself at times... You too need time off you know... hehez

Okok enough on that... Working on heaps of assingment once again as the term is coming to an end... This sem seems so much longer. but at least things are not as packed compared to that last... guess thats y I feel its more of a breeze... but having say that... should try to procrastinate less and get things done and over with... alright then... lunch time... the smell of food is really making me super hungry lah... hehez... Cheers peepz!!!

Yet another hot day...

Mother Nature is finally angry with human taking everything for granted... and its fighting back in every aspect. Earthquakes, Hurricanes, Tornadoes, you name it... and its getting bigger than every. and soon to come, a volcano eruption in New Zealand I think. She seems to be punishing those that are discontented with life... Places like Indonesia, Myanmar, and now China. Indonesia we know its the constant riots and stuff. For Myanmar was also a strike of some sort, and China is the war with Tibet that have sparks many reaction all over the world. With so many incident, it really makes one wonder if Olympics is going to take place this year. Will China place a mark in history, for first and last time hosting such major event? I really wonder... China is undoubtingly going to be a major power one day... but will I live to see it... I ponder...

Today its yet another hot day... this heatwave is frying Singapore man... its like being in a microwave (not that I have physically been in one... but SAME DIFFERENCE) Looking forward to Muay Thai tonight... the sweat and all... woo hoo... Got my supplements this morning... will start the cycle tomorrow on I think. Its really time to make amendments to my sleeping habits, eating habits, exercise regime and time management on a whole. Have plenty to change. Slow and steady is the key.

Hmm... nothing much to share about this bright sunny tuesday afternoon. Except that its HOT HOT HOT!!! haha... oh well looking forward to a packed weekend... so have to see lah.. hehez... Money spending again OMG!!!! have to stay with bread for the week then...

Alright have a great day ahead pple... cheers

oppz. I did it again...

Hello peepz.... been a busy past few days... with many many things, assignments, outings, you name it... but alot involves money, and sadly there ain't much left...OMG FINANCIAL SLOW DOWN COME SO SOON!!!! for me at least... really need to tighten my belt from a waist of 32 to 28 or 26 liao... hahaha (oppz i disclosed my waist size...)

Anyway, to all the mothers out there... HAPPY BELATED MOTHER'S DAY!!! Brought my mum to sakea today. Due to the rising food prices, sakea have also increase in their price per plate... its no long 1.99 per plate people, its 2.29 per plate liao... red plate is not 5.99 liao... CRAZY ARH!!! but since it was for a special occasion then nvm lah... PPLE WATCH OUT ARH!!! hehez sakea is no longer cheap liao...

This weekend has been pretty packed... Friday, went to JB with Herbert and Terence, bert needs to top up on some office wear for his new job with ANA, ALL THE BEST YAH BRO!!! hehez... managed to get quite a few nice ones... I got myself a couple too and pants... hehez... ended up i got the entire set when he only got tops... but nevertheless, it was good "harvest". The rush back was crazy... we wanted to make it for Marie Digley debut performance at Velvet Underground for her promo album. Was late by 1/2 hour but still managed to get in. She can sing, but honestly, to offence to her fans out there. Its forgettable, if she is not yet discovered by big organsation, then this might jolly well be her first and last album. But she is drop dead chio lah... for that matter. As we were leaving after that... get to meet her face to face, too bad I didn't bring a camera (due to the rush) if not I will definately take a pic with her. After which, went to Wine Connection down at Robertson Quay (which bert kept pestering to go... hahaha and get intro to those SIA ger frens of ours... hahaha) for a little wine, and chat before heading home in night-rider.... send Serene home first of course... hehez.. couldn't let her go back herself at that hour can't I? hahaha

Saturday, went dragonboating with Serene, her company team and she ask me to try out. Was at Bedok reservoir, was a neat sessions, but through that session have really experience the importance of the basics (something i have neglected in the pass) I would say I did a good session with them, and for a first time meeting up with them... they are really friendly people... Evening went for a walk in town with Serene (after showering at home and all of course...hee) and yeah... pretty much summed up the day

Sunday, assignment block the entire day... progress and tension is building up...as my procrastinating nature have once again put these stress mode back on me... working slow but steadily to the finishing line... hopefully i won't do so bad... That about it for now... the week ahead, really not expecting anything big... But really want to get all the assignments done once and for all... so that i can chill already...

Have a great week ahead everyone!!! Cheers!

Bloody Mess!!!

Don't worry, nothing happened to me... just refering to my visit to the dentist this morning... My mouth is FILTHY man!!! thats what the dentist said... so plenty of scrapping and polishing... now my mouth feels really sore as he used alot of strenght scrapping all the dirt of my teeth, so much so at some point I felt as thou my 2 front teeth is coming out....

Everytime i rinse my mouth, its like i am vomiting blood man... woo hoo scary... hehez... The dentist had to give me some kinda mouthwash to gaggle to stop the bleeding. Now have problem chewing too hard... very sore... but for the better of my mouth... i will be ok... hehez... Lesson learnt: visit you dentist once a year (thou some said once every 6 mths.)

Enough on my gross ordeal. Past 2 days have been pretty alright, manage to do a decent workout thou still struggling to keep my diet in place, All day i think about food food... when I have having lunch I will be thinking about what to snack after... IT IS BAD!!! try very hard to keep in controlled.

My monitor at home is giving me problem once again. Hope it does not affect my cpu... at least wait till i have enough money to get a new piece lah. hehez...

School's later, before that will hit the gym first... trying to keep this regime alive... I dun want my efforts to go to waste... The runs are nearing and I haven't been training my runs as yet... time to change my schedule abit here and there.

Jia you!!!

Wassup with that!!!

I am sorry if I have given people attitude lately... I really haven't been myself lately... So very very sorry If I did offend anyone, or pissed anyone that have crossed my path.

The damn weather hasn't been helpful recently. I know its no point whining (and I dun like to do so) about something that I cannot change. ARRRRGGGHHH!!!! That feels so much better. Everything in school is moving along pretty smoothly, too smoothly actually, so much so I feel like I am slacking. Is it wrong?

I had this feeling, a feeling even I cannot explain... I thought its gone already... but it just keep on coming and coming? Mini depression? I donno, but really hope not... haiz... What is this feeling... why am I feeling like that? I really donno... haiz... When can i face up to it... the unknown... I ALSO DONNO!!! How do you face up to something you don't even know? I wonder at myself sometimes...

Today, the sky looks hopeful to rain, but the sky seem really dark but not a single drop of rain in sight... Looking at it the bright side... at least its not very hot... hahaha have class tonight, do doubt I will leave office too late, wan to hit a workout in the gym first.

Easily emo lately... Finding back the old me... at least... trying to find...

The Real Me....

Lately emotions have been running about myself... and I start to realize that the roots of many problems begins with me... yes a reaction to things always comes from an action first... but many a times i feel that such action are cause by me in the first place. So I actually get back what I caused in the first place... Confused... you are not alone....

Everything have been about me... at least thats is what the inner me have been tell me... when something goes wrong, Me, when someone is upset, Me, when something screws up... ME. ME, ME, ME... I donno what have turn me this way... but honestly its not doing me any good. I feel distant from most of my classmates, self inflicted I can tell, but i really don't know what I can do about it. I lost words to talk to them. So I stay silent, but many a times I feel they think there is something wrong with me... I DO!!!! I dare not face it I guess.

The feeling I have is really affecting me and those that are near me... Its kinda repelling anyone from getting too close with me... and those that hasn't gave up on me... i fear might soon will...

I do wan to talk, I was the one that say to talk in the first place... Communication solve many problems... but whenever a problem arise... where does my voice box goes? It was brought up yesterday. "Thought you want to talk, why must I always ask before you are willing to talk? Why you talk during happy times and when situation arises you keep dumb..." Everything has been processing in me... I also want to find the answer. I guess i am afraid to talk... worried that whatever said might bring about more understanding, but it seems like my silence weren't at all helpful too... What can I do?

I don't want to make myself sound like a victim here.... But blogging is indeed my best channel to let everything out. I am not as confident as all you guys out there think I am... thou I would say I can be pretty good an actor, or like the King would say... I am a pretender. I admit I am not smart, neither and I stupid, but I dare admit I have an honest heart... a simple simple heart, and really fragile for a guy's one to be honest. Everything affects me easily, I tear pretty easily, nothing shameful about that I guess, I enjoy peace, I enjoy having time to myself, doing my own things, and yet factors pushes me to want to push myself all the time, I want to lead a better live. I have no issues about money (yet) and what I earn currently is self sufficient. I am happy with my current state now, but at times, I feel that I really need to go out to earn big money, to satisfy other need, I want people to look up to me... I want to be successful in life. Isn't that what everyone wants in live?

Whenever I "whine" about things like that in life, many would ask me, what is success in life? Honestly, I haven't a clue, I was even posted that question in one of my interview... At that point, I was struck dumb... I really donno what is success in life... at least in my own definition. Always in my lowest point, I look back in the past, things that have given me so much happiness, all my achievements, my biggest so far would be my weight loss. I envied those days where nothing seems to be able to stop me... No fear, just try, fail, just try again... and when everything get tough, the inner me will just keep pushing me... forcing me to work extra hard.... Making goals were so much easier then as my drives makes everything achievable. Procrastination was never an option, whenever I wanted to run, I will pick up the runners and just go. Nowadays, I will look out, see a hot day, and just hit the showers. Where is my drive... have I let it die away? why am I full of excuses lately, why can I just admit that I haven't have it in me no more... Loser are not shameful, quitters are... I am trying my best not to get to that stage.

I used to be able to stand up... and just go... now I am desperately in-need of a hand, a strong one... someone to drill me back, get my ass of the couch and back on running tracks... is there someone out there to help me? Please Help.... Be it gym buddy, or running buddy, or a devil coach, you are all welcome...

I am a simple guy, nothing special about me at all, the earth will still spins even if I am died, and live will not wait for me so I am really hoping to stand up... will you help me???

HAHA got tagged by Sherine, first on the list is ME!!!! Thx leh... hahaha
1) Are your parents married or divorced? - Married to each other... DUH!!!!
2) Are you a vegetarian? - Tried... I LOVE MEAT!!!!
3) Do you believe in Heaven? - Better then burning in HELL. HAHAH
4) Have you ever come close to dying? - A couple of times...
5) What jewelery do you wear daily? - Bling Blings...
6) Favorite time of day? - All day!!!
7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? - Bring in the brollis man!
8) What is your hair styling agent? - Ahh..... can give you Gastby!~!~!~!`
9) Ever have any surgery? you should ask which part have i not undergone surgery...hahaha oppz.
10) Do you color your hair? - Yes.... Black is so yesterday!!
11) What do you wear to bed? - singlet and boxers... comfy...
12) Have you ever done anything illegal? - Hmm... cannot recall (sinister smile...)
13) Can you roll your tongue? - Like DUH!!!
14) Electric razor or blade? - BLADE!!!!
15) What kind of shoes usually? - Runners and sneakers
16) Do you condone Abortions? - Yes I do!!! everyone deserve a chance to see the world.
17) What is your Hair color? - Brown?
18) Future child's name? Boy or girl? - child? what child... no plans as yet... haha
19) Do you snore? - I my best not too...
20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? - USA!
21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope...
22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first? - really have to depends how much? hehe
23) Gold or platinum/white gold? - Show me the GOLD!!!
24) Hamburger or hot dog? Which one comes faster? - neither...
25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? - Chicken Rice
26) City, beach or country? - Country (Yee Har!!!)
27) What was the last thing you touched? - My brother the MOUSE!!! (beside the keyboard)
28) Where did you eat last? - Home (brekkie)
29) When's the last time you cried? - haven cried in ages, just tears...
30) Do you read blogs? - Yeah...
31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? - Not really thou am sure i will look pretty stunning... hahaha
32) Ever been involved with the police? - Its all in the past now...
33) What's your favorite shampoo and soap? - anything that keeps me clean and smells good of course.
34) Do you talk in your sleep? - not that i know of
35) Ocean or pool? - Ocean (Surfs up dude!!!)
38) Window seat or aisle? - change from time to time, mood dependable
39) Ever met anyone famous? - yes... depends on how u define famous i guess...
40) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? - yes but more room to explore
41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - Twirl
42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? - Oprah Winfrey
43) Basketball or Football? - Football, Aussie Foodie!!!
44) How long do your showers last? - from 5mins to 25mins
45) Automatic or stick shift? - Stick shift man... hehez
46) Cake or ice cream? - no particular craving (till lately... )
47) Are you self-conscious? - VERY!!!! OVERLY sometimes if I might add.
48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up? - eh... quite a few time Gross!!!
49) Have you ever given money to a begger? - yeah...
50) Have you been in love? - Yesh..
51) Where do you wish you were? - Anywhere but here!!!
52) Do you wearing socks with your shoes? - yeah Hygiene man!!!
53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? - Yeah... once or twice...
54) Can you tango? - No... but would be fun to try...
55) Last gift you received? - words of encouragement
56) Last sport you played? - dragonboat... and i miss it terribly
57) Things you spend a lot of money on? - Mainly food... at times on shopping
58) Where do you live? - Serangoon
59) Where were you born? - KK Hospital baby!!!
60) Last wedding attended? - Ages... even i dun remember
63) Most hated food(s)? - Celery, Ladies finger and bitter gourd.
64) What's your favourite?- Having friends... never a down moments with them...
65) Can you sing?- I dun croak like a frog if thats what you mean... hahaha
66) Last person you instant messaged? Trisa... hehez
67) Last place you went on holiday? - Perth, WA
68) Favorite regular drink? - Water, tea, and BEER (not regular thou) heez...
69) Tag 5 friends: - hmm... Apel, Azre, Serene, Carol and erm.... Peili!!!
70) Current Song? - Can't you hear it from my blog??? hehe Enjoy

OH the HEAT.... I AM MELTING.......

The weather these few days have been really really really really bad... ITS SUPER DUPER HOT LAH!!!! for once I am complaining, coz the sun will BURN man... its been a long time since the sun have been this strong... Is the world goint to end really soon, coz the weather is sure showing signs of it... But well for now... PLEASE USE SUN SCREEN!!!! am going to get some later... hehez..

Its gonna be an all English Final for Champions league, Man U Vs Chelsea, the second clash after that defeat of Man U, going to be a revengeful night for Man U, and now with a stronger squard I am sure. Chelsea Vs Barcalona match was exciting man... Paul Scholes winning goal was a screamer... like the old Scholes I knew... but honestly, can tell that age is catching up on him... he is not as aggressive as in the past. Maybe because Roy Keane no longer around? Donoo... hehez...

The match between Liverpool and Chelsea was a good game as well... with both sides showing plenty of skills and determination. The penalty was really un-called for and liverpool was also obviously denied a penalty... Oh well... both teams played to their best... so NO REGRETS MAN!!!

Been a pretty slack week for me I have to say, why? coz I haven't really started working out as planned (OMG!!! I HATE PROCRASTINATING!!!) progress have been slow, but moving along steady. Will hopefully improve it next week...

OMG i am super late... shall write more some other time then... have a great weekend and Cheers peepz

Battle scars.... and talking FATS!!! ARGH!!!!

My limbs is decorated with many 50cents, 20 cents, 10 cents and 5 cents coins... hahaha wonder how I got such small bruise on my hand anyway... think it must be from the way i hold the pads ba...

Anyway yesterday's training was pretty fun, intense but not fulfilling as they did sparring, not enough cardio for me I guess... Will look into improving my stamina in the coming months as i prepare for 2 up coming runs, namely, Singapore Passion Run (15km) and the Shears Bridge Run (21km). I have to change my mentality and start training from scratch, haven't been running and have to stop thinking that since i have completed a marathon, what are these distance to me... IT IS DIFFERENT ALREADY!!!!

Have a survey over MINDEF later this afternoon, then will be heading off to school gym for a workout, which i missed on monday as I had no class. looking to work on my chest and my legs today... and maybe abit of my abs too...

I dread standing infront of the mirror now.... coz the fats around my tummy is talking to me... hehez... its gaining back fast on me... Not a good sign at all have to make it go away again!!!

There is this thing going around regarding having to wear seatbelts in mini bus following the death of a little boy... Singapore being such an advance and developed country... I really wonder why is it that time and time again, we only react to a problem when it happens. Oversea school locally can do so why not locals? And whats with increasing fare? fetching lesser student? so lesser earning? PLEASE LAH... what is the lifespan of seat belt, like it last all the way till the van is scrape lah... using this as an excuse to increase charges is simply ridiculous lor... But having the driver to pay all seems abit harsh as well... So solution would be our trusty government... SPONSOR PART OF IT PLEASE!!!! hehez... I mean our govt is very smart lah... if they sponsor, am sure they will make it a law, then catching anyone not doing so....AND FINE!!!! woohoo...earn it all back.. hehez... but nothing wrong about it I guess... since they offered to help, pple would just have to abide by the law. I feel the bit about driving lesser quite weird too.. I mean lets not talk about those big bus, we are looking at those mini vans... I thought there is no standing allowed in such van, so seats are basically the capacity. So whats with driving more or less... really don't understand...

Oh well thats what i have to say.... Pretty dumb to begin with, if they followed examples of United World Collage and Australian School of Singapore, then such tragedy will not happen in the first place. Singaporean, having lived in the comfort zone, under the protective arms of Singapore for so long, have taken everything for granted, that accidents will never happen to them, so precautions need not be taken... and solving problem when it come...well... some problem does not have a solution, stop taking the "learning from mistake" approach, rather, take a "prevention is better then cure" approach. it doesn't kill to be extra caution. This is one very good example... a lost of a very young life...

Fulfilling yet VERY SINFUL EVENING!!!! AM I THE ONE??? heez

Just home from a very sinful Mutabak supper with Serene and Herbert, what was suppose to be shared by the three of us, ended up having to try finish it by 2 if us (serene and I), eventually we didn't and am now feeling super bloated... so I thought of blogging to get my mind off the bloated-ness for the time being...

Before that, we went to support Louis Fong for the "Wei Wu Du Zun" aka "You are the one" Competition, tonights theme was "Sunshine Boys" (that would be me!!! haha acting like NONO that is... hahaha, an inside joke, only those that know me long enough would know... heez) Anyway, my man, M6 Hong Jing Peng, did a stunning show tonight, making the audience laugh have have a huge group of supporters behind him today... All was well and he was leading in every round... but the final result was the stunner as M7 came from behind to steal the win... Unbelievable, oh well sportmenship lah... I really think he did really well tonight... but as usual, I would guess the fumble is at the 45sec Q&A, M7 really impressed everyone with his answer with "I am the sun in the winter, abit of it is enough to bring warm to those around me" *clap clap clap* BUT I STILL SUPPORT MY MAN, M6 LOUIS FONG!!! PPLE PLEASE SUPPORT HIM!!! HEEZ.... (free advertising)

Well, Serene have different taste, she liked M5 as she found him adorable... hahah cute act and all... hehe, and M8, the to-die-for for every girls... But overall, I finally know how its done live... Its really different from watching at home... as really... many things ain't what it seems to be... HAHAHAHA....

Alright.... 5 months, tonight, my last sinful supper, I am determine to find my old diet back... so to all my friends out there... please help me along... I mean I am more then delighted to go out supper with u guys... just that I might just have a milo and watch you guys eat... if you don't mind. Cheers guys... NIGHTS TO ALL AND HAVE A GREAT WEEK AHEAD!!!!

Slow day...

Doing brainless admin work in office today... so boring so thought i steal a break and blog for awhile... Yawnz.... its always coming to working and doing such things the spurs me to look for a job elsewhere lah... hehez.. oh well... if not for the flexible hours... HAHAHA... tahan till better oppotunity comes by ba.

Today makes 7 years since she is gone... Time really flies... if she is around she would be? 25 years old? I was actually reminded... if not its honestly slipped of my mind... but once reminded, that very evening flash past my mind like it was only yesterday. The sound of the heart rate machine, the scenes at ICU... the feeling of being lost.. and honestly not believing as it all happened so quickly. Yes... today is the day my sister have left us....

Will not be going for class tonight, simply because i don't have to... Going to catch "you are the One" competition, supporting my fren M6, Louis Fong, Hong Jing Peng in mandarine. Just what to see whats going on live and while they go for commercial breaks... hehez... hope its gonna be fun...

Workout regime have yet to begin... for the simple reason that my day was packed... was thinking of going this morning, but thought of the rush from here to there, I gave up the tot, something i would not do it the past... guess my determination is not quite there yet... but all i know is I have a deadline to meet... and if i don't do anything about it... then nothing will happen... So Jia You ba!!!

All have been quiet today... Slow day... hoping it to pass faster....

Yet another Dragon Lost....*sob*

Splashed all over today's front page. Another dragonboater is lost. This time to a car accident, a taxi driver, obviously speeding to a certain extent. This time its one of the strong ladies from the Pink Paddlers, better known as the Team of Survivors of Breast Cancer. Its kinda sad to see such a thing happening as these people are all heroes in their own ways, able to conquer cancer is really an achievement in life many can't. Being able to stand up to it and face the world with it is even a harder thing to do... so its very sad to see such tragedy.

Those left behind have my deepest condolences, I understand how hard to lose a close one. No matter how harsh these words might sound, but life honestly goes on. Coz sooner or later, you will be reunited when your turn to cross over comes.

Enough on that sad story. Now for a segment called "PLACES YOU SHOULD AVOID". One place honestly would be Harry's @ CHIJMES. Was there to watch the big match with a bunch of my friends yesterday and the service was 'unbelievable'. We thought we got a good seat, at the couch with a 42" TV to ourselves and the aircon right above us. Sounds like nothing was going to spoil our time there right? WRONG!!! First, I guess being in a corner like that, its pretty un-noticable, so we took quite awhile to order our drinks. But the drinks came really quick so as we settled the bill for the drink, we ordered some wedges to go with the beer... First half went past and it never came... and I am sure its not the excitement of the game (coz its wasn't too exciting to start with) but we are feeling the heat and the aircon dun seem to be working. So as Dennes approach the counter to ask for our wedges, Serene ask the lady who served us our drink if there is something wrong with the ventilation, she simply say "No, i don't think so" and walked away doing her thing. Its like RUDE lah, i mean i am giving her the benefit of a doubt that she is suffering from some pregnancy illness or something. But the wedges is ridiculous. It didn't come even till the match ended. Honestly, it was like watching a soccer match in a sauna room, left the place with my t-shirt have soaked, and Dennes was also sweating despite being in a dry fit jersey... So much for airconditioning. I honestly would ask whoever that is planning to go there to reconsider as there is definately many other nicer branches around. But if you are looking for good service and a comfortable place to rest and relax, trust me... there won't be it... Despite having the money to have big screen tv and all, they could not afford to turn their aircon up just a little to comfort the crowd. Disappointing.

Thats all for yesterday's entry, and of course we had a beautiful evening after we left that dreadful place. Have a great Sunday everyone, whats left of it that is... Cheers

Doggie World

After so long, I went back to SPCA. No, I didn't give any dog up for adoption. In fact, I witnessed what I thought I would never see - PEDIGREE dogs given up by their owners!!!! Given up would be too kind; abandon is a better word I'd say. It's sad to see so many of them from Huskies to Boxers, German Shepherd to noisy Jack Russells. Where happen to those day where X-breed were most of the population, not that they aren't there now... its just now more pure breeds are ruling that place... ITS WRONG!!!!

Got to know a couple of goodie doggies.... Namely Alex (2 years old German Shepherd) and Carrot (not the veggie, but a 1 1/2 years old boxer) both pretty little thing... and huge dog which needs alot of running space... So its kinda sad seeing them walking around in circles in what seems like the space of the toilet on a plane. Alex in particular brings much feelings. The look on his face is priceless. According to those pple that found him. He has just been abandon (curse you who ever you are!!!), he looked like he is super lost... and will only be there for a short while before his owner comes claim him back, but that day will never come. Carrot, the boxer is such a healthy and sweet little thing. Kinda remind me of Mr. Black that belongs to Serene. Except its a girl. Its a memorable time back in SPCA... guess will be doing it more often in the future.... sure is different doing it with someone else than alone thats for sure... hehe... sharing common interest is really important man!!!

This short trip has educated me once again... Dogs are life that equally important than any of us human. Will you keep your baby till they are like 5 years old and no longer cute and abandon them? Think hard before thinking about having a dog... its alot of commitments, and if you are really sure about having one... ADOPT ONE... they are all pretty dog that really yearns for a place to they can call home... Please BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...woof woof

Entry with special guest, Ms Serene Chia... hahahaha

Unfairness.... BIG TIME!!!

Unfair incident #1
The most unfair things happened in class today... Late submission with no penalty imposed... wassup with that? I mean if they are going to get let off so easily just because of the blunder made by SCU side... then where goes the effort of those that hand in on time. What make those that submitted late so special, are the paying more then us? are they "white horses"? are they more good looking? I wonder....

Unfair incident #2
We had a toastmaster session today in class for communication lesson on presentation skills. everyone was suppose to talk for 2 mins infront of the class on a picked topic and pretty much just blabbering... No matter how unwilling we are, we all had to do it. But the strangest thing happened. This girl from China named Shu Ping was actually exempted, I mean whats with that, at first I thought to myself it could be the language barrier, but later thought that couldn't be as the lecture was conducted in English. Some of my mates even say she can speak (not perfect but ok) English. It so unfair why she can be excused while the rest have to take a chance. Izzit because she is from China she is paying the school more? or because they are holding the Olympics so they are a big deal (hahaha just sour grapes....BUT ITS UNFAIR!!!)

Anyway, all this is a bunch of bulls if u ask me... I cannot believe things can turn so ugly, but I honestly have very unhappy about everything that happened. Its like people getting away from crime unpunished... I cannot tolerate such nonsense, but can only voice out here as its my personal space. I know its kinda redundent, as i guess not many pple can do anything about it. But well, its not about doing anything about it... but more of a place to vent it out rather than holding it in... Its feels terrible.

Oh well... Good night to all and shall update more some other time... Cheers!

New blog changes...

Hey there... a new skin... a new tune... time to change things around here... hehez... Think its been a rocky 2008 thus far... Emotional and all... But pretty much picking up the pieces and now coming back to here. Guess it really doesn't pay to hold it in too much at time... Thank god i have a blog to allow me to blabber everything out...

Oh well today... its 7th month anniversary already... hehez... time really flies HAPPY ANNIVERSARY... in 3 days will be my sis's 7th year anniversary too... how coincedental. From today, I am on a mission. Coz 5 months from now I will need to change alot about myself. The bulk of my mission is to get into the shape I really want to... Seem to have lost focus after i attained my goal of getting featured in Men's Health. No more NATO (No Action Talk Only) I have prove to myself once, I believe i can do its again. here is how its been broken down.

1) Drop to my ideal weight of 72kg (am currently 76kg)
2) Drop the love handles PERMANENTLY
3) Featured in Men's Health again (different sections pehaps)

I can't see a better time to attain this then now given the time I have since I am still studying. Will attain it before my attachment and also a promise I made, that I have to keep. The future blog entires might be boring for some I guess... coz its pretty much gonna be a journal of my workout and all my feelings... perhaps some before and after pictures too... hehez...

Ultimately, its to keep trim and fit... I believe that is the best I can do for myself. I have seen my confidence coming with my regime... so I am hoping to find it back once again... and alot of support from all my friends is crucial.

Anyway, enjoy your day... and STAY FIT PPLE!!! cheers

What is dreams.... where are my directions????

This things seems to hit me in waves... and more so when I age... guess its for the fact that what lies ahead is still a blur... What do I want? what exactly do i want? Honestly I haven't the slightest clue. I choose to tell myself many things... I know it but I am still doing it... Which can be pretty sucky at times. I whine that I am caged, but m I really? or did i chose to be?

I should already count my blessings as life have been pretty kind to me thus far. Guess I have been pampered till this stage, so much so that I don't really know what it is like to fail, or get rejected, or fall. But yet i do not feel happy, more worried. The "what ifs" just keep attacking me from all directions. Why can't i get on with life, get a vision of how my future is going to be and work towards it? What is this inner fear that comes out more frequently to haunt me? So much so till a point i feel consumed in it already.

Many opportunities are coming my way now... yet what i look forward to initially has excuses formed within to reject them all. why am i like that... I really don't know. Have I lost the urgency of life? I really wonder.

"I don't know what I want", What exactly is dreams, what do I wish to achieve in life... Do guiding star exist... if so... where is mine? i wonder....

Expression on the Triple sharing room in NTU.... FARNIE LAH!!!

Voicing out indeed!!! hahaha cute lah...

Funny Clips....

Enjoy pple!!!