Its been raining since yesterday, definately floods expected in low lying areas again. More cleaning up for residents of that area again. Pity them man. Monsoon came pretty late this year, and it seems to take longer to leave as well. Used to hate the weather, but the longer it persist, kinda adapted to it, and at least it keeps the tempreture cooling, like having "mini winter" in Singapore, good!
Completed the Korean show i borrowed from Sherine the other time yesterday night. What seems like a definate happy ending have a weird twist leading to a very sad ending. Really admire korean men, for their lack of fear in showing their emotions. Real men do cry I suppose, all those things that crying means weakness, I am thinking otherwise already. Of course when I say cry, I don't refer to the whining and pouring type of cry, but simply tearing when you are sad, I guess thats that the limit a guy can go to when he gets emotional. Overall, would say its a pretty nice show, love the longs the drama used, both the english ones and those written for the show.
Yesterday, went for a little makan session with my SAF band people, so glad and contented that I got a warm welcome the minute I stepped into SAKURA (at Downtown east). Everyone seems pretty glad to see me, from the officers to my (ex) fellow bandmates. Guess all that hard work did pay off in the end. For once after so long, I forget about the blues I am having since donno when, was just enjoying the company of all my friends. Hearing things like "Ryan, wah really missed you playing the bassdrum" and "Hey the bunks seems pretty quiet wo!" make me felt so missed in camp. My presence did make a difference in one way of another I suppose. After that, me and a few others, mainly my brunei gang, went for a little walk in town, shopping and all. Met up with Tuan Hao for awhile. Then as the rest left, only me and Azre continued shopping till late. Have a number of things on the "to Buy" list but have to scout out for the best bargain. Shopping always gives me extra energy man, sometimes I wonder if I should even be born a man, judging from the interest I give in shopping. lolx.
Alright, I am glad to say, things are slowly turning for the better, now that the mess within me, is more or less controlled. But still need time, probably by the end of the month... hopefully. Meanwhile, I am enjoy the life of a loner, doing everything alone, seeing things alone. No company might not be such a bad thing afterall. Everyone fears loneliness, I for one adores it. Really like living in the world of my own. But I hope my isolation period won't inflict any damage on my relationships with my friends. Well I guess we will see how thing goes, will take things a step at a time then... Alright den, have a great week ahead. Cheers!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Where is the sun?
Well, when I am down, I suppose everything just won't go right for me. Was suppose to go tanning today, ended up spending the entire day at home, coz its been raining for THE ENTIRE DAY!!! even the sun is hating me. haiz.... To make matters worse, I am sick, haha yes, I am down with running nose and a slight fever. For a person that have not been sick for the entire year of 2006, this doesn't seem like a good start at all. But whats consoling is at least I fall ill after the performance is over. Thankful for that.
As i said, spent the entire day at home today. Phone hardly rang, or at least i didn't bothered checking in the first place. Spent the day watching vcd i borrowed from Sherine. A pretty nice show I must say. Thou its just a show, but its got my emotions going, felt like I was in the movie, and the actors and actress are actually my frens facing that problem. Have yet complete it, taking my time to do so, coz I really have no idea what I can do if I finish it all at one go. Something to keep me occupied is always good.
Mum and Dad are back to normal liao, thou I am sure this have leave a scar in the relationship, but guess time will heal all wound and mend all scars. At least that means one last thing for me to worry. As for myself, honestly speaking, I have not find the source of my biggest problem. But all I can say is I am waiting it to pass, the depressed feeling make me breathless at times, but goes away after sometime. But the re-occurance rate seems to be increasing, should I seek medical help? At times I really want to talk it all out, but I donno what to say, where to begin, or what to begin with. I am really in a state of confusion. How I wish I have a pair of wings now, and just fly off to a place that no one knows me, start things anew.
The thought of migrating have been hovering in my mind lately. Australia seems like an ideal spot. Mum have told me once that Dad have been thinking about that idea for awhile. For me its easier, I already have relative there, all I need is to get an education there, stay in the country for more then 3 years, get a job and pretty much secure a spot. By then I can fetch my parents over. Its not really a bad idea. Pondering.
Well, I guess thats all for the day, another day have passed, the sun rises again tml, hoping tml to be a better day! Take care and enjoy the week pple. Cheers
As i said, spent the entire day at home today. Phone hardly rang, or at least i didn't bothered checking in the first place. Spent the day watching vcd i borrowed from Sherine. A pretty nice show I must say. Thou its just a show, but its got my emotions going, felt like I was in the movie, and the actors and actress are actually my frens facing that problem. Have yet complete it, taking my time to do so, coz I really have no idea what I can do if I finish it all at one go. Something to keep me occupied is always good.
Mum and Dad are back to normal liao, thou I am sure this have leave a scar in the relationship, but guess time will heal all wound and mend all scars. At least that means one last thing for me to worry. As for myself, honestly speaking, I have not find the source of my biggest problem. But all I can say is I am waiting it to pass, the depressed feeling make me breathless at times, but goes away after sometime. But the re-occurance rate seems to be increasing, should I seek medical help? At times I really want to talk it all out, but I donno what to say, where to begin, or what to begin with. I am really in a state of confusion. How I wish I have a pair of wings now, and just fly off to a place that no one knows me, start things anew.
The thought of migrating have been hovering in my mind lately. Australia seems like an ideal spot. Mum have told me once that Dad have been thinking about that idea for awhile. For me its easier, I already have relative there, all I need is to get an education there, stay in the country for more then 3 years, get a job and pretty much secure a spot. By then I can fetch my parents over. Its not really a bad idea. Pondering.
Well, I guess thats all for the day, another day have passed, the sun rises again tml, hoping tml to be a better day! Take care and enjoy the week pple. Cheers
Monday, January 08, 2007
Bad start to a week = bad week?
Finally, the concert draws to a close yesterday. So glad to have people coming to support me for the concert. I personally can say its pretty successful, very strong sound, and lots of positive feedback from the crowd. Was very contented to be once again able to play for a band. The feeling is just wonderful. Thx to all that took time off to come watch the concert. Especially to my camp pple, or should I say Ex-camp mates, Azre, Jin Cheng, Derrick and Victor, and also my dragonboat pals, Mina san, Jays, Kim and Vandy. Was kinda suprised that Vandy came actually, for the fact that I just met her once, at a party quite sometime ago. Thx again everyone.
Its has not been a good start to the new year for me. My personal problem have yet to be solved and another problem arises, not with me, but my parents. Was happily thinking of where to go after concert when I recieved a msg from my dad saying something happened at home and its pretty urgent. So after the photo taking session, I rushed home to see what happened. Apparently, they had a big row over a very trival matter again, its really making a mountain out of a molehill matter man. It really breaks my heart to see such things happen in the family. Whats worse, I have to shoulder all these. I know they care for each other so much, and its pretty much their different view in things that cause this argument, so I suppose time will dissolve their problem. But the scar they leave in me will take awhile to heal, and I suppose it will be longer this time since my heart is already wounded in the first place.
At times, I really hope I can return to time when I am a kid, just cry out and forget it... its not possible now. even how hard I tear, I cannot forget and the pain lingers. I used to say those people that jump off building are stupid, how can they give up life just like that, but now I think otherwise, with all the stress building, it gives people the strength to just want to end it once and for all. Don't worry, I will not do anything foolish. On the surface, my parents think I don't care about them, in actual fact I do. I mean which child will not care about their parents? But I mean there is nothing much I can do isn't it. Something my Dad told me yesterday made an impression on me. He said ever since my sis left, he understand that its must be difficult for me, as I was all alone, and there is pretty much no one I can approach to share my feelings with. That, to be honest, is really true... Who can I really share my problems with? or what right do I have to trouble other people with my problems when I clearly know that I am not the only one that have problems around here. I guess thats what holding me back. Really glad and thankful for the inventor of blog, a personal space for me to write out my feelings, at least letting some load off my chest. Other than that, i guess i just have to swallow it all down and hopefully time can lighten off my load.
Didn't realise I have already been typing so much, my chest feels lighter already. My world is so full of dark clouds at the moment, when will I see my first ray of sunlight? feel the warm from the sun within again? I really wonder, but I will go strong no matter what, one thing in my process of gym training strengthen most I would have to say will be my mind power, my determination. Thou, I am not sure how long I can hold, but I will try to remain as positive as possible. At least time is on my side. Wish my parents will patch up soon...
Have a great week ahead people, take care and live well!!!
Its has not been a good start to the new year for me. My personal problem have yet to be solved and another problem arises, not with me, but my parents. Was happily thinking of where to go after concert when I recieved a msg from my dad saying something happened at home and its pretty urgent. So after the photo taking session, I rushed home to see what happened. Apparently, they had a big row over a very trival matter again, its really making a mountain out of a molehill matter man. It really breaks my heart to see such things happen in the family. Whats worse, I have to shoulder all these. I know they care for each other so much, and its pretty much their different view in things that cause this argument, so I suppose time will dissolve their problem. But the scar they leave in me will take awhile to heal, and I suppose it will be longer this time since my heart is already wounded in the first place.
At times, I really hope I can return to time when I am a kid, just cry out and forget it... its not possible now. even how hard I tear, I cannot forget and the pain lingers. I used to say those people that jump off building are stupid, how can they give up life just like that, but now I think otherwise, with all the stress building, it gives people the strength to just want to end it once and for all. Don't worry, I will not do anything foolish. On the surface, my parents think I don't care about them, in actual fact I do. I mean which child will not care about their parents? But I mean there is nothing much I can do isn't it. Something my Dad told me yesterday made an impression on me. He said ever since my sis left, he understand that its must be difficult for me, as I was all alone, and there is pretty much no one I can approach to share my feelings with. That, to be honest, is really true... Who can I really share my problems with? or what right do I have to trouble other people with my problems when I clearly know that I am not the only one that have problems around here. I guess thats what holding me back. Really glad and thankful for the inventor of blog, a personal space for me to write out my feelings, at least letting some load off my chest. Other than that, i guess i just have to swallow it all down and hopefully time can lighten off my load.
Didn't realise I have already been typing so much, my chest feels lighter already. My world is so full of dark clouds at the moment, when will I see my first ray of sunlight? feel the warm from the sun within again? I really wonder, but I will go strong no matter what, one thing in my process of gym training strengthen most I would have to say will be my mind power, my determination. Thou, I am not sure how long I can hold, but I will try to remain as positive as possible. At least time is on my side. Wish my parents will patch up soon...
Have a great week ahead people, take care and live well!!!
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