The Real Me....

Lately emotions have been running about myself... and I start to realize that the roots of many problems begins with me... yes a reaction to things always comes from an action first... but many a times i feel that such action are cause by me in the first place. So I actually get back what I caused in the first place... Confused... you are not alone....

Everything have been about me... at least thats is what the inner me have been tell me... when something goes wrong, Me, when someone is upset, Me, when something screws up... ME. ME, ME, ME... I donno what have turn me this way... but honestly its not doing me any good. I feel distant from most of my classmates, self inflicted I can tell, but i really don't know what I can do about it. I lost words to talk to them. So I stay silent, but many a times I feel they think there is something wrong with me... I DO!!!! I dare not face it I guess.

The feeling I have is really affecting me and those that are near me... Its kinda repelling anyone from getting too close with me... and those that hasn't gave up on me... i fear might soon will...

I do wan to talk, I was the one that say to talk in the first place... Communication solve many problems... but whenever a problem arise... where does my voice box goes? It was brought up yesterday. "Thought you want to talk, why must I always ask before you are willing to talk? Why you talk during happy times and when situation arises you keep dumb..." Everything has been processing in me... I also want to find the answer. I guess i am afraid to talk... worried that whatever said might bring about more understanding, but it seems like my silence weren't at all helpful too... What can I do?

I don't want to make myself sound like a victim here.... But blogging is indeed my best channel to let everything out. I am not as confident as all you guys out there think I am... thou I would say I can be pretty good an actor, or like the King would say... I am a pretender. I admit I am not smart, neither and I stupid, but I dare admit I have an honest heart... a simple simple heart, and really fragile for a guy's one to be honest. Everything affects me easily, I tear pretty easily, nothing shameful about that I guess, I enjoy peace, I enjoy having time to myself, doing my own things, and yet factors pushes me to want to push myself all the time, I want to lead a better live. I have no issues about money (yet) and what I earn currently is self sufficient. I am happy with my current state now, but at times, I feel that I really need to go out to earn big money, to satisfy other need, I want people to look up to me... I want to be successful in life. Isn't that what everyone wants in live?

Whenever I "whine" about things like that in life, many would ask me, what is success in life? Honestly, I haven't a clue, I was even posted that question in one of my interview... At that point, I was struck dumb... I really donno what is success in life... at least in my own definition. Always in my lowest point, I look back in the past, things that have given me so much happiness, all my achievements, my biggest so far would be my weight loss. I envied those days where nothing seems to be able to stop me... No fear, just try, fail, just try again... and when everything get tough, the inner me will just keep pushing me... forcing me to work extra hard.... Making goals were so much easier then as my drives makes everything achievable. Procrastination was never an option, whenever I wanted to run, I will pick up the runners and just go. Nowadays, I will look out, see a hot day, and just hit the showers. Where is my drive... have I let it die away? why am I full of excuses lately, why can I just admit that I haven't have it in me no more... Loser are not shameful, quitters are... I am trying my best not to get to that stage.

I used to be able to stand up... and just go... now I am desperately in-need of a hand, a strong one... someone to drill me back, get my ass of the couch and back on running tracks... is there someone out there to help me? Please Help.... Be it gym buddy, or running buddy, or a devil coach, you are all welcome...

I am a simple guy, nothing special about me at all, the earth will still spins even if I am died, and live will not wait for me so I am really hoping to stand up... will you help me???

HAHA got tagged by Sherine, first on the list is ME!!!! Thx leh... hahaha
1) Are your parents married or divorced? - Married to each other... DUH!!!!
2) Are you a vegetarian? - Tried... I LOVE MEAT!!!!
3) Do you believe in Heaven? - Better then burning in HELL. HAHAH
4) Have you ever come close to dying? - A couple of times...
5) What jewelery do you wear daily? - Bling Blings...
6) Favorite time of day? - All day!!!
7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli? - Bring in the brollis man!
8) What is your hair styling agent? - Ahh..... can give you Gastby!~!~!~!`
9) Ever have any surgery? you should ask which part have i not undergone surgery...hahaha oppz.
10) Do you color your hair? - Yes.... Black is so yesterday!!
11) What do you wear to bed? - singlet and boxers... comfy...
12) Have you ever done anything illegal? - Hmm... cannot recall (sinister smile...)
13) Can you roll your tongue? - Like DUH!!!
14) Electric razor or blade? - BLADE!!!!
15) What kind of shoes usually? - Runners and sneakers
16) Do you condone Abortions? - Yes I do!!! everyone deserve a chance to see the world.
17) What is your Hair color? - Brown?
18) Future child's name? Boy or girl? - child? what child... no plans as yet... haha
19) Do you snore? - I my best not too...
20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? - USA!
21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope...
22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first? - really have to depends how much? hehe
23) Gold or platinum/white gold? - Show me the GOLD!!!
24) Hamburger or hot dog? Which one comes faster? - neither...
25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? - Chicken Rice
26) City, beach or country? - Country (Yee Har!!!)
27) What was the last thing you touched? - My brother the MOUSE!!! (beside the keyboard)
28) Where did you eat last? - Home (brekkie)
29) When's the last time you cried? - haven cried in ages, just tears...
30) Do you read blogs? - Yeah...
31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? - Not really thou am sure i will look pretty stunning... hahaha
32) Ever been involved with the police? - Its all in the past now...
33) What's your favorite shampoo and soap? - anything that keeps me clean and smells good of course.
34) Do you talk in your sleep? - not that i know of
35) Ocean or pool? - Ocean (Surfs up dude!!!)
38) Window seat or aisle? - change from time to time, mood dependable
39) Ever met anyone famous? - yes... depends on how u define famous i guess...
40) Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life? - yes but more room to explore
41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? - Twirl
42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey? - Oprah Winfrey
43) Basketball or Football? - Football, Aussie Foodie!!!
44) How long do your showers last? - from 5mins to 25mins
45) Automatic or stick shift? - Stick shift man... hehez
46) Cake or ice cream? - no particular craving (till lately... )
47) Are you self-conscious? - VERY!!!! OVERLY sometimes if I might add.
48) Have you ever drank so much you threw up? - eh... quite a few time Gross!!!
49) Have you ever given money to a begger? - yeah...
50) Have you been in love? - Yesh..
51) Where do you wish you were? - Anywhere but here!!!
52) Do you wearing socks with your shoes? - yeah Hygiene man!!!
53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? - Yeah... once or twice...
54) Can you tango? - No... but would be fun to try...
55) Last gift you received? - words of encouragement
56) Last sport you played? - dragonboat... and i miss it terribly
57) Things you spend a lot of money on? - Mainly food... at times on shopping
58) Where do you live? - Serangoon
59) Where were you born? - KK Hospital baby!!!
60) Last wedding attended? - Ages... even i dun remember
63) Most hated food(s)? - Celery, Ladies finger and bitter gourd.
64) What's your favourite?- Having friends... never a down moments with them...
65) Can you sing?- I dun croak like a frog if thats what you mean... hahaha
66) Last person you instant messaged? Trisa... hehez
67) Last place you went on holiday? - Perth, WA
68) Favorite regular drink? - Water, tea, and BEER (not regular thou) heez...
69) Tag 5 friends: - hmm... Apel, Azre, Serene, Carol and erm.... Peili!!!
70) Current Song? - Can't you hear it from my blog??? hehe Enjoy

OH the HEAT.... I AM MELTING.......

The weather these few days have been really really really really bad... ITS SUPER DUPER HOT LAH!!!! for once I am complaining, coz the sun will BURN man... its been a long time since the sun have been this strong... Is the world goint to end really soon, coz the weather is sure showing signs of it... But well for now... PLEASE USE SUN SCREEN!!!! am going to get some later... hehez..

Its gonna be an all English Final for Champions league, Man U Vs Chelsea, the second clash after that defeat of Man U, going to be a revengeful night for Man U, and now with a stronger squard I am sure. Chelsea Vs Barcalona match was exciting man... Paul Scholes winning goal was a screamer... like the old Scholes I knew... but honestly, can tell that age is catching up on him... he is not as aggressive as in the past. Maybe because Roy Keane no longer around? Donoo... hehez...

The match between Liverpool and Chelsea was a good game as well... with both sides showing plenty of skills and determination. The penalty was really un-called for and liverpool was also obviously denied a penalty... Oh well... both teams played to their best... so NO REGRETS MAN!!!

Been a pretty slack week for me I have to say, why? coz I haven't really started working out as planned (OMG!!! I HATE PROCRASTINATING!!!) progress have been slow, but moving along steady. Will hopefully improve it next week...

OMG i am super late... shall write more some other time then... have a great weekend and Cheers peepz

Battle scars.... and talking FATS!!! ARGH!!!!

My limbs is decorated with many 50cents, 20 cents, 10 cents and 5 cents coins... hahaha wonder how I got such small bruise on my hand anyway... think it must be from the way i hold the pads ba...

Anyway yesterday's training was pretty fun, intense but not fulfilling as they did sparring, not enough cardio for me I guess... Will look into improving my stamina in the coming months as i prepare for 2 up coming runs, namely, Singapore Passion Run (15km) and the Shears Bridge Run (21km). I have to change my mentality and start training from scratch, haven't been running and have to stop thinking that since i have completed a marathon, what are these distance to me... IT IS DIFFERENT ALREADY!!!!

Have a survey over MINDEF later this afternoon, then will be heading off to school gym for a workout, which i missed on monday as I had no class. looking to work on my chest and my legs today... and maybe abit of my abs too...

I dread standing infront of the mirror now.... coz the fats around my tummy is talking to me... hehez... its gaining back fast on me... Not a good sign at all have to make it go away again!!!

There is this thing going around regarding having to wear seatbelts in mini bus following the death of a little boy... Singapore being such an advance and developed country... I really wonder why is it that time and time again, we only react to a problem when it happens. Oversea school locally can do so why not locals? And whats with increasing fare? fetching lesser student? so lesser earning? PLEASE LAH... what is the lifespan of seat belt, like it last all the way till the van is scrape lah... using this as an excuse to increase charges is simply ridiculous lor... But having the driver to pay all seems abit harsh as well... So solution would be our trusty government... SPONSOR PART OF IT PLEASE!!!! hehez... I mean our govt is very smart lah... if they sponsor, am sure they will make it a law, then catching anyone not doing so....AND FINE!!!! woohoo...earn it all back.. hehez... but nothing wrong about it I guess... since they offered to help, pple would just have to abide by the law. I feel the bit about driving lesser quite weird too.. I mean lets not talk about those big bus, we are looking at those mini vans... I thought there is no standing allowed in such van, so seats are basically the capacity. So whats with driving more or less... really don't understand...

Oh well thats what i have to say.... Pretty dumb to begin with, if they followed examples of United World Collage and Australian School of Singapore, then such tragedy will not happen in the first place. Singaporean, having lived in the comfort zone, under the protective arms of Singapore for so long, have taken everything for granted, that accidents will never happen to them, so precautions need not be taken... and solving problem when it come...well... some problem does not have a solution, stop taking the "learning from mistake" approach, rather, take a "prevention is better then cure" approach. it doesn't kill to be extra caution. This is one very good example... a lost of a very young life...

Fulfilling yet VERY SINFUL EVENING!!!! AM I THE ONE??? heez

Just home from a very sinful Mutabak supper with Serene and Herbert, what was suppose to be shared by the three of us, ended up having to try finish it by 2 if us (serene and I), eventually we didn't and am now feeling super bloated... so I thought of blogging to get my mind off the bloated-ness for the time being...

Before that, we went to support Louis Fong for the "Wei Wu Du Zun" aka "You are the one" Competition, tonights theme was "Sunshine Boys" (that would be me!!! haha acting like NONO that is... hahaha, an inside joke, only those that know me long enough would know... heez) Anyway, my man, M6 Hong Jing Peng, did a stunning show tonight, making the audience laugh have have a huge group of supporters behind him today... All was well and he was leading in every round... but the final result was the stunner as M7 came from behind to steal the win... Unbelievable, oh well sportmenship lah... I really think he did really well tonight... but as usual, I would guess the fumble is at the 45sec Q&A, M7 really impressed everyone with his answer with "I am the sun in the winter, abit of it is enough to bring warm to those around me" *clap clap clap* BUT I STILL SUPPORT MY MAN, M6 LOUIS FONG!!! PPLE PLEASE SUPPORT HIM!!! HEEZ.... (free advertising)

Well, Serene have different taste, she liked M5 as she found him adorable... hahah cute act and all... hehe, and M8, the to-die-for for every girls... But overall, I finally know how its done live... Its really different from watching at home... as really... many things ain't what it seems to be... HAHAHAHA....

Alright.... 5 months, tonight, my last sinful supper, I am determine to find my old diet back... so to all my friends out there... please help me along... I mean I am more then delighted to go out supper with u guys... just that I might just have a milo and watch you guys eat... if you don't mind. Cheers guys... NIGHTS TO ALL AND HAVE A GREAT WEEK AHEAD!!!!

Slow day...

Doing brainless admin work in office today... so boring so thought i steal a break and blog for awhile... Yawnz.... its always coming to working and doing such things the spurs me to look for a job elsewhere lah... hehez.. oh well... if not for the flexible hours... HAHAHA... tahan till better oppotunity comes by ba.

Today makes 7 years since she is gone... Time really flies... if she is around she would be? 25 years old? I was actually reminded... if not its honestly slipped of my mind... but once reminded, that very evening flash past my mind like it was only yesterday. The sound of the heart rate machine, the scenes at ICU... the feeling of being lost.. and honestly not believing as it all happened so quickly. Yes... today is the day my sister have left us....

Will not be going for class tonight, simply because i don't have to... Going to catch "you are the One" competition, supporting my fren M6, Louis Fong, Hong Jing Peng in mandarine. Just what to see whats going on live and while they go for commercial breaks... hehez... hope its gonna be fun...

Workout regime have yet to begin... for the simple reason that my day was packed... was thinking of going this morning, but thought of the rush from here to there, I gave up the tot, something i would not do it the past... guess my determination is not quite there yet... but all i know is I have a deadline to meet... and if i don't do anything about it... then nothing will happen... So Jia You ba!!!

All have been quiet today... Slow day... hoping it to pass faster....

Yet another Dragon Lost....*sob*

Splashed all over today's front page. Another dragonboater is lost. This time to a car accident, a taxi driver, obviously speeding to a certain extent. This time its one of the strong ladies from the Pink Paddlers, better known as the Team of Survivors of Breast Cancer. Its kinda sad to see such a thing happening as these people are all heroes in their own ways, able to conquer cancer is really an achievement in life many can't. Being able to stand up to it and face the world with it is even a harder thing to do... so its very sad to see such tragedy.

Those left behind have my deepest condolences, I understand how hard to lose a close one. No matter how harsh these words might sound, but life honestly goes on. Coz sooner or later, you will be reunited when your turn to cross over comes.

Enough on that sad story. Now for a segment called "PLACES YOU SHOULD AVOID". One place honestly would be Harry's @ CHIJMES. Was there to watch the big match with a bunch of my friends yesterday and the service was 'unbelievable'. We thought we got a good seat, at the couch with a 42" TV to ourselves and the aircon right above us. Sounds like nothing was going to spoil our time there right? WRONG!!! First, I guess being in a corner like that, its pretty un-noticable, so we took quite awhile to order our drinks. But the drinks came really quick so as we settled the bill for the drink, we ordered some wedges to go with the beer... First half went past and it never came... and I am sure its not the excitement of the game (coz its wasn't too exciting to start with) but we are feeling the heat and the aircon dun seem to be working. So as Dennes approach the counter to ask for our wedges, Serene ask the lady who served us our drink if there is something wrong with the ventilation, she simply say "No, i don't think so" and walked away doing her thing. Its like RUDE lah, i mean i am giving her the benefit of a doubt that she is suffering from some pregnancy illness or something. But the wedges is ridiculous. It didn't come even till the match ended. Honestly, it was like watching a soccer match in a sauna room, left the place with my t-shirt have soaked, and Dennes was also sweating despite being in a dry fit jersey... So much for airconditioning. I honestly would ask whoever that is planning to go there to reconsider as there is definately many other nicer branches around. But if you are looking for good service and a comfortable place to rest and relax, trust me... there won't be it... Despite having the money to have big screen tv and all, they could not afford to turn their aircon up just a little to comfort the crowd. Disappointing.

Thats all for yesterday's entry, and of course we had a beautiful evening after we left that dreadful place. Have a great Sunday everyone, whats left of it that is... Cheers