As much as I want to blog about the happy times I had today with my flute section at Sentosa,My mood have been pretty affected lately by a series of events that constantly surround one topic. Which is GAY!
I have to make myself clear, I have nothing against gays, and I respect the fact that everyone have the privilage to what they want in life. With that said, you guys must be wondering who that guy is... For your information, that was me, some years back. Don't be taken aback, but yes thats me. I do not deny that there have been some transformation from the me then and the me now. Apart from my appearance, I can feel the change in my character, attitude, and confidence.
However, recent events have been really troubling me, to which aspect in they way I lead my life is misleading people to misinterpret my gender preference, aka that I am Gay. First thing I consider is they way I dress, my dress sense, often (from the feedback I got) is one factor. But I must say I find nothing wrong with the way I dress. I lived my entire life envying other people on they way they dress, how they compliment the clothes, I used to look at them and look myself in the mirror thinking if I would ever wear clothes like theirs. Now that I am finally reaping the fruits to my "success", yet people classify me as being Gay. Another point that I dress the way I dress, is to prove to everyone out there that there is still guys in Singapore that bothers to dress up, and not the typical singlet, berms and slippers that everyone claim. Singapore still have guys that have fashion sense, and the trend is picking up, so I am just the minority (for now) that makes effort to look more presentable in the public, and what do i get back, perceptions that I am Gay... No logic...
Another issue that lead to many people thinking I am gay, is for that fact that I am still single at 23. I mean, yes being single all my live do get me thinking "whats wrong with me?" at times. My logical explaination I suppose is my upbringing and the environment that I was brought up in. For majority of my education years, I have been in a pure boys school, and since school was so close to home, there wasn't any real chance for me to know people outside from class. My only interaction with the "real world" was when I first stepped into poly. My main goal was to just open up and be friendly to everyone, and of course open up to the opposite sex. That was kinda my way of working with things ever since, making and getting to know more friends. From there, I am not sure if I was getting a phobia of talking to guys already since I have been doing so for the last 10 years, I seem to click better with girls then with guys. Last time seems like and act of "chee hong-ism" (meaning buaya in malay terms) but nowadays is seems like people associate it with "gayism"
That is currently the 2 reasons that comes to my mind as to why people from all walks of life have the impression I am gay. Let me make it straight once and for all, I AM STRAIGHT! and I will not be bothered to go all out to prove that I am, coz I really don't see the need to. I am clarifying myself for the simple fact that all this unneccessary comments are FUCKING my life up. It hurts to know that people I thought have faith in me thinks otherwise. Feels a deep sense of betrayal. Dressing well do not make one gay, isn't it only fair to pamper myself after all the hardwork I have put in? Showing off the result from all the many hours of run, gym session, all my blood, sweat and tears. Whats wrong with being 23 and still being single, why am I gay just because I have been single all my life. What make you think I never thought of going into a relationship? everytime a Vday past, I will always say to myself maybe I will not be alone for the next. things like that I am sure nobody knows. I do wan to get into a relationship, but its easier said then done, and just as my confidence is starting to pick up, shit like this happens, shattering everything I have build... Now that I wan to get into a relationship, I worry if people thinks I am using this as a cover-up to my "real identity". Yes u guys must be laughing and think I am being to senstive, but I am not, as I have experience such things before... so I know...
When will such status be taken away from me I don't know, all I know is I am hurt... and its painful... but I will not go down without a fight... so BRING IT ON!!! I will be waiting for what uglier things there is... I will fight to my every last breath if I have to... I need to.......