Just realised its been really really long since I have entered an entry.... Tot I scribble something before it start to develop cob "web" (get it... haha... okok bad joke) Anyway, for those that don't know, I have already started work, slightly over 2 months already, closing the end of my probation period. Intention of leaving, but yet, weighing things out at the present situation and still stuck in the middle. Don't get me wrong, its not that the job is not fun or anything, just that its not the line i intend to stay for long, eventually would still love to enter the great world of the hospitality line. All the rotating shift, smiles of customers, complaints... *sniff* arh.... I can smell them already.
Anyway about life, nothing much to talk about actually, pretty much lost much of it ever since I left school. Its true that the best time of your life are really spent in school. Frens, endless gossips and complaining together, rushing assignments to the wee hours of the morning just to meet impossible deadlines. Maybe abit sadist, but I do miss and would love to go back to that again someday... Convocation has been confirmed. Its going to be on the 30th October 2009 at Hilton Hotel. Didn't ask my parents to come, partly felt its abit ex for them to come see me recieve a cert, which i rather used the money for a nice family portrait. Guess I will be alone then. So Frens if you wish to come support. PLEASE DO DROP BY!~!~ hahaha
Have been feeling moody since Monday, thou its been a public holiday, we get to rest and all that, i kinda prefer to work as it keeps my mind occupied and dun allow it to stray to 'other' things. Well many might think its over for so long liao... why am I still brooding over it. The only answer is, if it is so easy, it will not be called love. HAHAHA damn chim right...
I guess I am feeling it a little bit more because... well... this friday will supposedly be our anniversary, 2nd year to be exact. The same day 2 days ago, I embark on a new journey, and then again 2 years later, things have pretty much gone back to how I was long long time ago, the only difference is a scar that still occasionally bleeds from time to time. Thinking back on all that have went past these 2 years, is both sweet yet kinda painful... but never once have I thought this is how love felt like. A friend once shared with me, Break ups are like climbing a monkey bar, you have to learn to let go in order to move on. I understand that quote, but accepting it is an entirely different matter. Till today, I still do not have the courage to do alot of things, I know this is a battle with myself, coz only I can decide when to move on and all. I also realised its a Heart vs Mind thing again, like back then when i tried to lose weight, thats why I have been keenly working out, training up my mind to take control once again.
Giving up has never been through my mind, in all the things I have done in my life. But when force to do so... you just feel really really helpless I suppose. After not blogging for so long, I almost forget that this is one avenue that I can still release the pressure within when I have no one to turn to (or rather dun wish to bore my fren with all this bullsh*t anymore).
Like mentioned, I still lack courage in many many things, and all this lingers... and is really tying me down, when will i ever take action on them? I guess I will never know, but another thing i used to conqure myself would be that, the other party will not know the suffering I am going through, its not much that I wish for her to know in the first place, I rather suffer alone, dun hurt my family, my frens, and all that care about me. I have learn to put on a mask for the first time in my life, for such matters.
Comparing to others, I guess I am fortunate, as I get to tasted what it is like to be loved and to love. Well, it really does things to you I guess. But I will consider it as one of the hardest fall I have ever took in life by far. I deserve to pad myself in the back coz, yes I am indeed numbing myself by flooding my brains, but at least I do not hurt my body, I train it to be stronger.
Without realising it, I have already typed out so much feeling, pouring out is always good, feels slightly lighter. KTV visit dun even seem the same anymore, pehaps now I can sing with more feeling... HAHAHA shall test it out the next time.
Well enough about that, hmm... apart from that has been working my ass off to attain the figure i wish to get, there is alot of work still left to be done, and I am already into the final month of my 16 weeks regime. Gymming is tiring but I always feel good after "surviving" the routine. But I must say, its taking away alot of my social life. I will also take this opportunity to apologies to all my friends out there that I have fly plane these few months. I dislike the me now thats why I am improving myself, but changing myself physically has a price to pay i suppose. All my friends are important to me. I promise to change and manage my time better. PLEASE GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE.
Guess thats what I have for now, enough for all the months of not blogging for now i suppose. Promise I will not make all of you wait that long for the next entry, will blog more regularly. Time to get myself a good camera so that I can post pictures on the blog too... HEHE will be posted soon, for now... good night, sweet dreams, sleep tight..... *sore throat*....