I guess no one really read my entries now but this I must stay is still one of the best avenue to air my thoughts.
No one really cares of how I think, or at least that's how I feel. I do feel at time I am hindering people around me, never able to be of any help to the people around me. As I thought I finally found some use in life, I let it slipped out of my own hands...
Being a guy, I have no aspirations for goals in life, I live it a day at a time, not knowing and not wanting to know what lies ahead for me. Not even sure this is what I want in the long run, I am just move ahead a day at a time.
I do miss how I did sports last time, the feeling of breathlessness from pushing myself to the limits excites me, making me know i survive and will be able to push myself future for my next training, waking up sore from a good set.
Nowadays, I get breathless just for climbing up a flight of stairs. Clothes that fitted well are getting tight.. I know all this but the scary thing is I am not doing anything about it. I should really really buck up if I do not wish to go back to where I was.
I was 72kg (at my peak) and now I am closing 80 kg once more... a massive weight increase.
What I set out to do (resolutions) was never met.. not even close.
Recently this feeling is getting from bad to worse... Although I try to suppress it.... it seems to be pretty overwhelming...
I need an outlet, I need an escape, I need an oasis....