Counting down and its approximately one month left for this much dreaded course to be over, never knew what an easy life I have been leading right up to now... Not complaining, and guess many out there will be saying i am just looking at the tip of an ice berg, i agree with everyone who thinks that way, what lies ahead is much greater and challenging... Am I up to it? I start to wonder...
"Who are u to wait for jobs to look for you?" these words echo in me, and have been imprinted in me, yes i admit that I have been so fortunate to be meeting people that can get me job so far in life, but guess that have put me in a wrong state of mind thinking that the "Shou zhu dai tu" (wait under the tree for the rabbit to come out in chinese) method really works. Glad to be pulled back to reality, hit hard, but will pick up. Its like falling down in a run, when u are comfortable, sometime u forget how painful it is to fall, but a sudden fall will make u realise and be more careful and focus i guess. What a metaphor huh? hee
So many activities lies ahead, but all that have been flooding my brains are Strategic Management, Food Service Operations, Facilities & Risk Management... am sure i am not alone in this, kudos to those that have to work and do work at the same time. I kowtow to all of you. I look forward to the long break after. maybe go to a place where i know no one... and just find peace again?
I am inferior, I am jobless, I am not as fit as i used to be, I am nothing... i stop working for myself already, which pretty much lose the meaning of working, so what am i working for? I really dono... to compete? to stay competitive amids a very strong competitor, or just to show i can hold my line as well and protect the things I love? I wonder... I hate myself for doubting myself, for the lack of flare, for lack of proactiveness. I hate myself for being scared of everything, thinking that i will fail before i try, know that i will not fail if someone gives me a change to prove myself and yet not seeking hard enough for that someone to give me that chance.
What makes you tink you are better then everyone else? who are you? when are you going to wake up and realise that u are not the king of the world... in this vast world.... you are a nobody... nobody...