After an entire day, thou have been busy at work and all, its have never got my mind off the matter, however, I managed to sort and clear things up quite abit. Though I am still in the process of slowly picking myself up... this process is made faster as there is someone waiting at the end of the line for me. Its no longer about myself now.
Will improve myself to improve us.... cheers!!!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
What Use have I???
What do you want Ryan??? This question have been going through me... for the moment I open my eyes... its was with me before i close my eyes yesterday... and today, wishing it will go away... it didn't...
What give me the right to hurt others? I didn't mean to... that's just an excuse I am using currently I feel... Whats my fear? I don't know. I just know that I am a F**King bad guy... I dun deserve anyone to be in my life... Its nobody's fault that I feel this way about myself. The problem with my upbringing? Have I been too "pampered" and "over sheltered" to even take this kinda thing? Worse is when I know I am at fault, yet you have to come console me, what use have I?
Life is really screwed for me now, my diet is screwed, order in life is screwed, and the realization of my own character is screwed have really brought be to rock bottom... I need time to sort it out, will you be there to wait for me? or what.... i wonder?
I am a great pretender, thats for sure, my strong front deceives even those that are hypersensitive people. Outer shell, I am this strong, witty, happy person, how i wish I am like this in the core too.. but guess what, inside its empty. I am just an empty shell...
I contradict alot of my own words, I realised it. I remember I say I do not feel sorry about myself, and yet I am here saying what a LOSER in life I am (and its true, I am). But I am sure I will not stay a loser, its just takes time for me to see the light and pick myself up again.
I am sorry to you, for causing u to be in so much pain and suffering. My existence turned u into a liar, something I am sure you never was. I seem like nothing but bad company, and yet u are still ever so understanding, saying its ok and all.
What initially was pain inflicted by me to u, ended in u having to console me despite the one being hurt is you. What use have I? I say to myself... At this point of time... even I despised myself. Ryan is a coward, a useless Bum, a NATO (No Action Talk Only) ass.
Bottomline is... I am sorry... I am.... I really am....
What give me the right to hurt others? I didn't mean to... that's just an excuse I am using currently I feel... Whats my fear? I don't know. I just know that I am a F**King bad guy... I dun deserve anyone to be in my life... Its nobody's fault that I feel this way about myself. The problem with my upbringing? Have I been too "pampered" and "over sheltered" to even take this kinda thing? Worse is when I know I am at fault, yet you have to come console me, what use have I?
Life is really screwed for me now, my diet is screwed, order in life is screwed, and the realization of my own character is screwed have really brought be to rock bottom... I need time to sort it out, will you be there to wait for me? or what.... i wonder?
I am a great pretender, thats for sure, my strong front deceives even those that are hypersensitive people. Outer shell, I am this strong, witty, happy person, how i wish I am like this in the core too.. but guess what, inside its empty. I am just an empty shell...
I contradict alot of my own words, I realised it. I remember I say I do not feel sorry about myself, and yet I am here saying what a LOSER in life I am (and its true, I am). But I am sure I will not stay a loser, its just takes time for me to see the light and pick myself up again.
I am sorry to you, for causing u to be in so much pain and suffering. My existence turned u into a liar, something I am sure you never was. I seem like nothing but bad company, and yet u are still ever so understanding, saying its ok and all.
What initially was pain inflicted by me to u, ended in u having to console me despite the one being hurt is you. What use have I? I say to myself... At this point of time... even I despised myself. Ryan is a coward, a useless Bum, a NATO (No Action Talk Only) ass.
Bottomline is... I am sorry... I am.... I really am....
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Busy busy busy
Just realise its been awhile since i last visited here... let along blog... been pretty busy lately rushing assignments of all sorts... not that its finally submitted, there is finally abit of breathing space as well as time to prepare for the final exams. The word exams... haven't heard of it for 2 years... now its all coming back to me...
Have been feeling really good lately... till pehaps today... not too sure y... its the weekend, usually everyone would be all excited and all... but don't seem that way for my case. Got off the wrong side of the bed I guess. Cannot be stress, coz I haven't had that in many years, have learn to look at the lighter side of things. Then what exactly is bothering me... i really donno... could it been all the emotional songs that i have been listening to lately that is causing all this? I doubt it... haha.. thou it does affect me at time when the right song came at the right moment...
Missed muay thai on tuesday, so paid back yesterday... the session was alright, thou it could be better... Was very keen to have 3 - 3mins rounds of pad work with alvin, but he was very occupied by the new students and also by Ryan and Chee Leong... but it was still a good to see good and proper technique... learn alot...
Busy busy weekend... then its down to 2 weeks before exam... have to plan and start my studies... thou I have already started abit on HSM... but had to pause due to assignment... so its back on that and HRM too... I am fortunate to only have 2 modules this sem... so am going to make the best of it... Jia You... and to all my friends out there whose exams is due very soon as well... Work Hard.... Score with flying colours!!!
Time to find back my discipline... In life, in diet, in my studies, in my sport, in my determination. Been really distorted lately, due to many factors, and thou I am aware about it... my body or rather the mind refuses to do anything about it... If i carry on at this stage... its going to put me back to square one.. which i cannot afford and will not allow... For the coming weeks its going to be studies and workout... play will have to wait... and after exams will be alot more training for the standard chartered run.
I am always there for u... u will always be there for me... is there such a perfect world??? i wonder...
Have been feeling really good lately... till pehaps today... not too sure y... its the weekend, usually everyone would be all excited and all... but don't seem that way for my case. Got off the wrong side of the bed I guess. Cannot be stress, coz I haven't had that in many years, have learn to look at the lighter side of things. Then what exactly is bothering me... i really donno... could it been all the emotional songs that i have been listening to lately that is causing all this? I doubt it... haha.. thou it does affect me at time when the right song came at the right moment...
Missed muay thai on tuesday, so paid back yesterday... the session was alright, thou it could be better... Was very keen to have 3 - 3mins rounds of pad work with alvin, but he was very occupied by the new students and also by Ryan and Chee Leong... but it was still a good to see good and proper technique... learn alot...
Busy busy weekend... then its down to 2 weeks before exam... have to plan and start my studies... thou I have already started abit on HSM... but had to pause due to assignment... so its back on that and HRM too... I am fortunate to only have 2 modules this sem... so am going to make the best of it... Jia You... and to all my friends out there whose exams is due very soon as well... Work Hard.... Score with flying colours!!!
Time to find back my discipline... In life, in diet, in my studies, in my sport, in my determination. Been really distorted lately, due to many factors, and thou I am aware about it... my body or rather the mind refuses to do anything about it... If i carry on at this stage... its going to put me back to square one.. which i cannot afford and will not allow... For the coming weeks its going to be studies and workout... play will have to wait... and after exams will be alot more training for the standard chartered run.
I am always there for u... u will always be there for me... is there such a perfect world??? i wonder...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Busy Busy Busy
Yay!!! its finally out. My article in Men's Health. But had alot of explanation to do due to the title. So I am going to say it here once and for all. What I told Melvin was I made alot of girlfrens after I lost weight, and not I have a gf after I lost weight... So I guess it did cause a dent in my reputation lah, if there is any to begin with, and not that it matters to me... hahaha. here is the article
Busy busy busy lately, school is really piling up with assignment and with exams looming closer, stress level is really piling up. This is not including the fact that all these stress have caused me to eat like my past. Which is worrying my alot letting all my effort goes down the drain, which I am trying very hard not to let it happen. Final burst, time to study already, training to take a back seat and diet is all i can control for now. Life have been very monotone, doubt i will be doing the November race, for the fact i missed the time trials, and i really have no time to train. I officially missed one season. Hopefully I can cover some ground by next year. This year is just alot of running for me. Lose weight lose weight!!! ultimate aim, need to drop weight to 70 kg by Nov. A must not i will try... am determine. But now the priorities will be school first.
Nothing really happening thus far. Will keep this page posted. Cheer everyone!!!
Busy busy busy lately, school is really piling up with assignment and with exams looming closer, stress level is really piling up. This is not including the fact that all these stress have caused me to eat like my past. Which is worrying my alot letting all my effort goes down the drain, which I am trying very hard not to let it happen. Final burst, time to study already, training to take a back seat and diet is all i can control for now. Life have been very monotone, doubt i will be doing the November race, for the fact i missed the time trials, and i really have no time to train. I officially missed one season. Hopefully I can cover some ground by next year. This year is just alot of running for me. Lose weight lose weight!!! ultimate aim, need to drop weight to 70 kg by Nov. A must not i will try... am determine. But now the priorities will be school first.
Nothing really happening thus far. Will keep this page posted. Cheer everyone!!!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!
Just realised I have not blog for one week, thats because I have been really busy week for me. Had a BBQ over the weekend, thou the crowd wasn't too big, but it was fun nevertheless as its been ages since i last bbq-ed. My weekend was very well spent.
The week is study week, but have been rushing my HRM assignment till now as its due coming friday. Its becoming a habit, the "last min hug the Buddha leg" syndrome, but well, I guess I work well under pressure. =P Taking a moment off to blog....
ARGH!!! THE STRESS!!!!
The week is study week, but have been rushing my HRM assignment till now as its due coming friday. Its becoming a habit, the "last min hug the Buddha leg" syndrome, but well, I guess I work well under pressure. =P Taking a moment off to blog....
ARGH!!! THE STRESS!!!!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
All Fired Up!!!
Just when my fire for working out is about to run out... Along came a torch and ignited my flame stronger... So motivated to push on... But first major issue, have to start watching what I put in my mouth.
Haven't been able to bring my diet to control ever since last week pigging out session after the run, been eating like there is no tml, which is starting to worry me. Whats worse is, I know I am eating alot, yet my mind is not reacting, rather its pushing myself to eat more. ARGH!!! wake up you bloody idea RYAN KOH!!!
Weight myself at the gym today, its 74kg, gain back 1 kg, was 73kg last week... OMG!!! when will I reach my goal of 70kg with my current stage, to be honest, NEVER is the word, unless I do something about it.
Went to watch a Muay thai match just now, was great man.. and there was really the torch, not to be on the ring, but to have their figure... OMG all of them are damn lean lah... would love to reach their build, it would be fantastic, but i guess alot of determination, time and effort have to be put into it lah. It was great match lah, thats all I can say, motivate me to train in that art harder.
Alright short term goal:-
1) Improve on my current physic (stamina and BMI)
2) Drop weight to 70kg before stand chart
3) bring my muay thai stamina to another level
JIAYOU X 3
Haven't been able to bring my diet to control ever since last week pigging out session after the run, been eating like there is no tml, which is starting to worry me. Whats worse is, I know I am eating alot, yet my mind is not reacting, rather its pushing myself to eat more. ARGH!!! wake up you bloody idea RYAN KOH!!!
Weight myself at the gym today, its 74kg, gain back 1 kg, was 73kg last week... OMG!!! when will I reach my goal of 70kg with my current stage, to be honest, NEVER is the word, unless I do something about it.
Went to watch a Muay thai match just now, was great man.. and there was really the torch, not to be on the ring, but to have their figure... OMG all of them are damn lean lah... would love to reach their build, it would be fantastic, but i guess alot of determination, time and effort have to be put into it lah. It was great match lah, thats all I can say, motivate me to train in that art harder.
Alright short term goal:-
1) Improve on my current physic (stamina and BMI)
2) Drop weight to 70kg before stand chart
3) bring my muay thai stamina to another level
JIAYOU X 3
Monday, September 17, 2007
Bye vertical marathon....*sob*
Haiz... due to having exam on the same day of the vertical marathon, I am forced to abort that, thank god I have not registered for it... WHY HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME DAY!!!! sianz.... fated i guess... will use the first 3 weeks of that month to train for my marathon and study for exams den... haiz, so sad....
Tired monday... way to start my week.. woohoo
Its been a crazy past week and a very fun weekend. Not to mention an increase dosage of caffine to keep me awake. haha... Here is how my weekend gone by...
Saturday, started the day early in school for project discussion, something that was meant to have settled last week. After that was lesson, which was pretty enjoyable. But was abit letargic as i usually goes to class after a good shower after gym, but due to discussion, gym session was cancelled. After class went for Keng Seng, attendance was better and was able to get a decent sounding band. After band, hung around town and caught a movie with a friend. Then we hang around a little later, alright alot later like 3ish before going back, chit chating and all.
Sunday, overslept for my terry fox run! haha woke up only when Jayson called me at 730 (the run starts offically at 8), rush to shower grab the stuff i packed the "earlier" (after i gpt home from movie, packed, shower, before retiring into bed like 4 close to 5) . Took Nel there, thx god got there about 815. There was no baggage deposit station, i buckled up my bag, strapped it tight to me, and ran with it, took it as training den. Lucky for the early shower before the run, the weather was perfect for a run. Finish, pretty quickly I must say. Met up with Jayson and Yi Xin at the finishing point, apparently they took me as the "beacon of light" to find each other just in cased they got lost as i wore a rather bright blue top. We then headed off to Tiong Baru market for brunch, and that place is awesome man, alot of good food and we just PIGGED OUT!!! After that, we walk around the wet market just to digest out satisfied tummy before Yi Xin, who was so kind, gave us a ride into town. Jayz went back to work, and initally was thinking of heading home for a rest, took to window shopping instead. Met up with Herbert to get things for bbq, then head on to beach road for some yummy tang yuan before heading to vivo to meet my flute section for a little get together cum celebration for karens coming bday. Initally was tinking of ktving after dinner, but was called off as everyone need to work today. So we ended up doing a little shopping at vivo after dessert in Bens and Jerry, which of course I gave a miss after a day of so much good food. Was abit cranky over dinner and shopping yesterday, guess the lack of rest really did got on nerves, and i guess one more thing that sparks its are the game consoles, haha I mean, games are fun, but I guess its best done alone, or when you are bored? kinda thing, not in a gathering. haha. well from a none gamer point of view obviously...
Seen so many thing i wan to buy lah... Lets start from Pull and Bear, saw a couple of nice tees there. The design is secondary, but the quality and fit is primary factors that attracted me. Then Topman, I have not gave up hope on skinny jeans, and yesterday managed to try on a piece that is so nice, fitting and got "Good" from the panel of judges. Was damn tempted to get as its the last piece (found it at the "Last chance to buy" rack), but decided not too as I have not plan out my finances. Realised I have to plan before spending any money now, its become a habit ever since I started working. Guess its because I used to be such and impulsive shopper in the past, now that I know how it feels like buying things with hard earn money, that made me think and plan.
That was my well spent weekend. 2 more weeks, it will soon come... woohoo, excited to see man... my dream being fulfilled, my ultimate aim for weight lost I set for myself in camp last time... 2 weeks and counting...hope its good...
Saturday, started the day early in school for project discussion, something that was meant to have settled last week. After that was lesson, which was pretty enjoyable. But was abit letargic as i usually goes to class after a good shower after gym, but due to discussion, gym session was cancelled. After class went for Keng Seng, attendance was better and was able to get a decent sounding band. After band, hung around town and caught a movie with a friend. Then we hang around a little later, alright alot later like 3ish before going back, chit chating and all.
Sunday, overslept for my terry fox run! haha woke up only when Jayson called me at 730 (the run starts offically at 8), rush to shower grab the stuff i packed the "earlier" (after i gpt home from movie, packed, shower, before retiring into bed like 4 close to 5) . Took Nel there, thx god got there about 815. There was no baggage deposit station, i buckled up my bag, strapped it tight to me, and ran with it, took it as training den. Lucky for the early shower before the run, the weather was perfect for a run. Finish, pretty quickly I must say. Met up with Jayson and Yi Xin at the finishing point, apparently they took me as the "beacon of light" to find each other just in cased they got lost as i wore a rather bright blue top. We then headed off to Tiong Baru market for brunch, and that place is awesome man, alot of good food and we just PIGGED OUT!!! After that, we walk around the wet market just to digest out satisfied tummy before Yi Xin, who was so kind, gave us a ride into town. Jayz went back to work, and initally was thinking of heading home for a rest, took to window shopping instead. Met up with Herbert to get things for bbq, then head on to beach road for some yummy tang yuan before heading to vivo to meet my flute section for a little get together cum celebration for karens coming bday. Initally was tinking of ktving after dinner, but was called off as everyone need to work today. So we ended up doing a little shopping at vivo after dessert in Bens and Jerry, which of course I gave a miss after a day of so much good food. Was abit cranky over dinner and shopping yesterday, guess the lack of rest really did got on nerves, and i guess one more thing that sparks its are the game consoles, haha I mean, games are fun, but I guess its best done alone, or when you are bored? kinda thing, not in a gathering. haha. well from a none gamer point of view obviously...
Seen so many thing i wan to buy lah... Lets start from Pull and Bear, saw a couple of nice tees there. The design is secondary, but the quality and fit is primary factors that attracted me. Then Topman, I have not gave up hope on skinny jeans, and yesterday managed to try on a piece that is so nice, fitting and got "Good" from the panel of judges. Was damn tempted to get as its the last piece (found it at the "Last chance to buy" rack), but decided not too as I have not plan out my finances. Realised I have to plan before spending any money now, its become a habit ever since I started working. Guess its because I used to be such and impulsive shopper in the past, now that I know how it feels like buying things with hard earn money, that made me think and plan.
That was my well spent weekend. 2 more weeks, it will soon come... woohoo, excited to see man... my dream being fulfilled, my ultimate aim for weight lost I set for myself in camp last time... 2 weeks and counting...hope its good...
Friday, September 14, 2007
OT!~!~!~
Yes I am in office again, finishing up on work, was suppose to go for a movie but was postpone... all plans down the drain. Initally was suppose to go for IMC aka International Muay Thai Competition, but kinda called it off for the movie, now... haiz... nvm lah... got work to do anyway.
Yesterday dinner was very funny, all thx to Ms Apel, I dun tink I will ever go back to amk hub fish and co. I shall not get into details but just say that she tried to "sell" me to one of the staff there. its like OMG lah...*ROAR*. But well its fun lah going out with her... always not short of a little laugh thou sometime I become the victim of the jokes. HAHAHA
Today, went to see cousin thomas for a routine checkup, was tinking of getting one done long time ago, but only manage time today. After seeing so many sudden death, and the age being so young, its starting to worry me abit. So far so good, just waiting on my Xray, blood and urine test. ECG and blood pressure was fine. After that head to the gym to do some workout, concentrated on cardio. Realised I am getting more and more letargic, think my "engine" is going to stall again very soon. Worried. After gym, went home to drop off some stuff and here I am, at work to finish off whatever work I have not done.
Will go light on dinner later i guess... looking at the time, probably settle on some dao huay *yummy* shoulder aching since yesterday, the op one, wondering if i over strained it? haiz... guess i have to bring my workout level down a knot a and concentrate more on leg and stamina building man... haven't really got to do marathon traning proper man. and its 2 months away. OMG DIE!!! all the best to me den.
Alright lah... time to head home... Enjoy your weekend pple... Cheers
Yesterday dinner was very funny, all thx to Ms Apel, I dun tink I will ever go back to amk hub fish and co. I shall not get into details but just say that she tried to "sell" me to one of the staff there. its like OMG lah...*ROAR*. But well its fun lah going out with her... always not short of a little laugh thou sometime I become the victim of the jokes. HAHAHA
Today, went to see cousin thomas for a routine checkup, was tinking of getting one done long time ago, but only manage time today. After seeing so many sudden death, and the age being so young, its starting to worry me abit. So far so good, just waiting on my Xray, blood and urine test. ECG and blood pressure was fine. After that head to the gym to do some workout, concentrated on cardio. Realised I am getting more and more letargic, think my "engine" is going to stall again very soon. Worried. After gym, went home to drop off some stuff and here I am, at work to finish off whatever work I have not done.
Will go light on dinner later i guess... looking at the time, probably settle on some dao huay *yummy* shoulder aching since yesterday, the op one, wondering if i over strained it? haiz... guess i have to bring my workout level down a knot a and concentrate more on leg and stamina building man... haven't really got to do marathon traning proper man. and its 2 months away. OMG DIE!!! all the best to me den.
Alright lah... time to head home... Enjoy your weekend pple... Cheers
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Starting to get a little more back on track
The week have been pretty good for me so far, since I worked on Sunday, decided to take Monday off and rest at home, and I literally rest, alright except for the fact i went to hougang gym and did a little workout. The rest of the day was pretty much slacked away for my mind to take a break.
Yesterday, started my day off at the physio, Jennifer (my doc) was one leave so this new girl took over. Can tell she is new from the way she talk and all. Gave me an assessment and taught me a few new moves. Kinda progress to the next stage, but I am not too sure as i haven't been doing what Jennifer have told me to do. Oh well, after that, went down to esplanade library to do some reading and kinda spends time before heading down for Muay Thai lessons in the evening. Got 2 new bruise on my forearm, this time around its from Alvin (my coach). Did some pad-work with him and I can tell he wasn't giving his 100%. I wonder how this guys train to be so strong and yet have the stamina to sustain... More work to be done den! Oh yah, something that kinda amazed me and disgust me at the same time happened before i went for class. Was "yum cha-ing" at this eatery at MS, and throughout my entire process there, the aunties from the shop are flirting with some customers, uncles alike, but wah I tell you, they sound damn er can... haiz... all old enough to be my parents and still going at it like they are back in the 60s... hahaha...
Lessons tonight, think will be heading to school earlier for gym training, before going for class. guess I might give my back a break and focus on my core muscles, and maybe my bum too, since i have been getting alot of comments saying that my ass is gone. hehez...
Why are you giving me the cold shoulders? Why am I so affected? i really donno. I thought I have sort things out... I really thought so... but I guess I was wrong...
Yesterday, started my day off at the physio, Jennifer (my doc) was one leave so this new girl took over. Can tell she is new from the way she talk and all. Gave me an assessment and taught me a few new moves. Kinda progress to the next stage, but I am not too sure as i haven't been doing what Jennifer have told me to do. Oh well, after that, went down to esplanade library to do some reading and kinda spends time before heading down for Muay Thai lessons in the evening. Got 2 new bruise on my forearm, this time around its from Alvin (my coach). Did some pad-work with him and I can tell he wasn't giving his 100%. I wonder how this guys train to be so strong and yet have the stamina to sustain... More work to be done den! Oh yah, something that kinda amazed me and disgust me at the same time happened before i went for class. Was "yum cha-ing" at this eatery at MS, and throughout my entire process there, the aunties from the shop are flirting with some customers, uncles alike, but wah I tell you, they sound damn er can... haiz... all old enough to be my parents and still going at it like they are back in the 60s... hahaha...
Lessons tonight, think will be heading to school earlier for gym training, before going for class. guess I might give my back a break and focus on my core muscles, and maybe my bum too, since i have been getting alot of comments saying that my ass is gone. hehez...
Why are you giving me the cold shoulders? Why am I so affected? i really donno. I thought I have sort things out... I really thought so... but I guess I was wrong...
Monday, September 10, 2007
Sorted Out....
Nothing beats a good gym session, at least for me... all the perspiration and adrenaline, as good as giving myself a good session of muay thai, which I would be doing tml.... During the breaks in between my sets and also in the shower, managed to sort things out and "de-vexed" myself...
My conclusion is that I have been too stress by all the pressure from work, studies, and everything else that even little things cause me too think into details, complicating simple things. I have now decide that Studies will be my top priority for the coming 2 years, followed by leading a healthy life and pushing myself to greater heights in terms of sports. As for social life (or love, relationships, etc), will take a back seat i suppose, and will see if it comes by then. Not going to rush into any, or hope for any... Making friends and knowing more people will be my aim for now.
Time really flew, without realizing it, Hungry Ghost Festival is already over, and Lantern Fest is coming up really soon. Nothing special thou, not that I have anyone to spent it with, or in any case, celebrate it, to begin with... hehez... Alright... feels good to have sort things out, dun wan to think too much, dun care, get my priorities set...
Remember words of wisdom from Jayson sometime ago, which kinda enlighten me and help me sort out my thinking. He told me "Be accepted for being who u are, and not for who they want you to be". I guess all this while, I have been trying too hard to please everyone in the best way that I can, trying to be "likable" by all. But well, certainly in life, you cannot be Mr. popular with everyone, and there is no use trying to be well liked by everyone, you are who u are. I am trying very hard to remind myself that all the time. That people should like me because of who I am, rather than I try to accommodate to others so as to get them to like me. Its just too tiring... From now, I live for myself, you don't like it... leave... if not... like me for who I am....
My conclusion is that I have been too stress by all the pressure from work, studies, and everything else that even little things cause me too think into details, complicating simple things. I have now decide that Studies will be my top priority for the coming 2 years, followed by leading a healthy life and pushing myself to greater heights in terms of sports. As for social life (or love, relationships, etc), will take a back seat i suppose, and will see if it comes by then. Not going to rush into any, or hope for any... Making friends and knowing more people will be my aim for now.
Time really flew, without realizing it, Hungry Ghost Festival is already over, and Lantern Fest is coming up really soon. Nothing special thou, not that I have anyone to spent it with, or in any case, celebrate it, to begin with... hehez... Alright... feels good to have sort things out, dun wan to think too much, dun care, get my priorities set...
Remember words of wisdom from Jayson sometime ago, which kinda enlighten me and help me sort out my thinking. He told me "Be accepted for being who u are, and not for who they want you to be". I guess all this while, I have been trying too hard to please everyone in the best way that I can, trying to be "likable" by all. But well, certainly in life, you cannot be Mr. popular with everyone, and there is no use trying to be well liked by everyone, you are who u are. I am trying very hard to remind myself that all the time. That people should like me because of who I am, rather than I try to accommodate to others so as to get them to like me. Its just too tiring... From now, I live for myself, you don't like it... leave... if not... like me for who I am....
Thinking..... Thinking.... Vexed...
Woke up feeling really vexed. Or rather, my mind was up the entire night again, not cause by sugar rush today... But just alot to think about, about a conversation, some sentences said...
Why did u react in that way? why was there is strange feeling after that conversation? Why do I feel at fault in mentioning some things? Why am I so bothered about what I say? Did I say anything wrong? To me there is none, but somewhere within told me I did...
Haven't been so affected before, especially by a conversation. Am I taking the situation too lightly? or too seriously? Am I complicating a very simple issue, which might not even be an issue in the first place, or is it just my brains making up this issues and causing all this now...
My best solution for now I guess is avoidance, thou many a times I would advise my friends with problem to face up to the problem, but now I choose to avoid as I am not sure if its even a problem in the first place. Vexed.... what have I got myself into?... I wonder...
Why did u react in that way? why was there is strange feeling after that conversation? Why do I feel at fault in mentioning some things? Why am I so bothered about what I say? Did I say anything wrong? To me there is none, but somewhere within told me I did...
Haven't been so affected before, especially by a conversation. Am I taking the situation too lightly? or too seriously? Am I complicating a very simple issue, which might not even be an issue in the first place, or is it just my brains making up this issues and causing all this now...
My best solution for now I guess is avoidance, thou many a times I would advise my friends with problem to face up to the problem, but now I choose to avoid as I am not sure if its even a problem in the first place. Vexed.... what have I got myself into?... I wonder...
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Busy Busy Busy...
I feel drained... more mentally then physically. I guess I challenged myself physically too often, so much so that I don't feel physically fatigue that easily. But its my mind that cannot handle that much stress. I need a vacation desperately.
Friday was suppose to go work, but ended up going to the beach with a Apel and Jovie as the sun was just too tempting... calling us out for a tan. True enough, the entire day was scorching, and I got abit toasted. After that, went shopping around with them at vivo. Tired after that, but still managed to meet up with Peili and Sherine for a drink at Alley Bar, one of my favorite hangout. Did a little chit chat before going home.
Saturday, hit the gym a little later, but still managed to do a little workout, with Serene before heading for class. After class, headed over to Kim Seng for band practice. After band prac, was still not ready to end of my sat, so got the the Cathey and watch No Reservation with Serene. Haha, its was a nice show i must say, Love Catherine Zeta Jones... After that, we went for a little rochor dao huay before heading back. Yummy, always love my dao huay.
But, all that sugar really got into me bad, had sugar rush the entire night, my body is resting but my mind was awake the entire time. Got up before my alarm sounded this morning and went for dragonboat training, after a very long break. Training was good, as next week was the race, so it wasn't as relax, always love the feeling of grasping for air after every set, and the sun was scorching today as well, making training more unbearable when it make contact with my burnt areas. Have to constantly water it. After training, spent the rest of the day in the office finishing up work that i was suppose to do on friday... haha. Can say my brain is dead at this moment.
Tml a new week... new challenges and alot of work awaits... time to buck up and take on the new challenges... JIA YOU X 3!!!
Friday was suppose to go work, but ended up going to the beach with a Apel and Jovie as the sun was just too tempting... calling us out for a tan. True enough, the entire day was scorching, and I got abit toasted. After that, went shopping around with them at vivo. Tired after that, but still managed to meet up with Peili and Sherine for a drink at Alley Bar, one of my favorite hangout. Did a little chit chat before going home.
Saturday, hit the gym a little later, but still managed to do a little workout, with Serene before heading for class. After class, headed over to Kim Seng for band practice. After band prac, was still not ready to end of my sat, so got the the Cathey and watch No Reservation with Serene. Haha, its was a nice show i must say, Love Catherine Zeta Jones... After that, we went for a little rochor dao huay before heading back. Yummy, always love my dao huay.
But, all that sugar really got into me bad, had sugar rush the entire night, my body is resting but my mind was awake the entire time. Got up before my alarm sounded this morning and went for dragonboat training, after a very long break. Training was good, as next week was the race, so it wasn't as relax, always love the feeling of grasping for air after every set, and the sun was scorching today as well, making training more unbearable when it make contact with my burnt areas. Have to constantly water it. After training, spent the rest of the day in the office finishing up work that i was suppose to do on friday... haha. Can say my brain is dead at this moment.
Tml a new week... new challenges and alot of work awaits... time to buck up and take on the new challenges... JIA YOU X 3!!!
Monday, September 03, 2007
Can someone please tell me how to duplicate myself?
There is a saying... don't wear that big a hat when u don't have that big a head.... I guess that is what best descibe me now... I am wearing an oversized hat.... trying to stuff myself with more then I can handle.... worse of all, its is suppose to be enjoyable, and now it turns out to be a burden... let me explain...
Currently core routine (meaning things I will do despite anything else) is basically work and studies, work is mon and thurs, and studies is on wed and sat. Then, things starts piling up, tuesday I have my Muay Thai lesson, and sat after class i have Kim Seng practise. Other spare time I would used to train for whatever coming event (say for the next would be Run for Hope and New Balance Real Run). However, there is more, Lao shi (conductor from my NYP band) is offically retiring, and I would very much love to perform for that concert, but since my tues and sat is pretty much taken, I am left with thurs evening practise. Dragonboat, something I wan to take back for a very long time, and one of the vetern last race in nov... and i would love to do that... so the onli time i can make practise is sunday, definately not enough to train to standard... but really hope i can... that now the onli day I am left free would be friday, where i need to balance on studies and training.
Over pilled isn't it... so many things i wish to do... but if only there was more me... can be at more then one place at one time. That would be great... I wish... praying... someone tell me... how can i do it all..??? please.....
Monday: Day: Work, Evening: Free
Tuesday: Day: Free, Evening: Muay Thai
Wednesday: Day: Free, Evening: School
Thurday: Day: Work, Evening: Band (NYP)
Friday: Free so far
Sat: Day: School, Evening: Band (Kim Seng)
Sunday: Day: Dragonboat Evening: Free
So far its like that, free time is used usually for studies and training... please give me strenght..... end this entry with one of my all time favorite singer... enjoy
Currently core routine (meaning things I will do despite anything else) is basically work and studies, work is mon and thurs, and studies is on wed and sat. Then, things starts piling up, tuesday I have my Muay Thai lesson, and sat after class i have Kim Seng practise. Other spare time I would used to train for whatever coming event (say for the next would be Run for Hope and New Balance Real Run). However, there is more, Lao shi (conductor from my NYP band) is offically retiring, and I would very much love to perform for that concert, but since my tues and sat is pretty much taken, I am left with thurs evening practise. Dragonboat, something I wan to take back for a very long time, and one of the vetern last race in nov... and i would love to do that... so the onli time i can make practise is sunday, definately not enough to train to standard... but really hope i can... that now the onli day I am left free would be friday, where i need to balance on studies and training.
Over pilled isn't it... so many things i wish to do... but if only there was more me... can be at more then one place at one time. That would be great... I wish... praying... someone tell me... how can i do it all..??? please.....
Monday: Day: Work, Evening: Free
Tuesday: Day: Free, Evening: Muay Thai
Wednesday: Day: Free, Evening: School
Thurday: Day: Work, Evening: Band (NYP)
Friday: Free so far
Sat: Day: School, Evening: Band (Kim Seng)
Sunday: Day: Dragonboat Evening: Free
So far its like that, free time is used usually for studies and training... please give me strenght..... end this entry with one of my all time favorite singer... enjoy
Recap
Last week was a busy but really fun week, busy, but really fun week. but with happiness came sorrow too...
After the passing of the officer for the run, another person under the age of 40 have died, and this time its closer to heart as I knew this person. His name, Sonny Leong, a flautist from Kim Seng Winds, someone that I met a weekend before his death, and I really didn't expect that would be the last time I will see him. Surprisingly, he was from NYP band, which I guess I have no idea since I only got in there in my year three. But all I remember during his last practise is that I played him a tuning note, the first note I played for him... and to think its now the last note, sad to be losing a talented player, but I am sure his music stays with all his friends. Its nice knowing u Sonny. FYI, he died peacefully in his sleep, suddenly, but peacefully...
Now back to last week, its been a busy week completing assignments for HRM, stupid internet went down on me at the time i need it most, so I had to complete my assignment in my office, lucky Cedric didn't mind. Apart from that is just alot of training, not sure whatever for, but it always feels good after a good workout... Been going back to my focus training, meaning focusing on particular group of muscles in each workout, and the post workouts aches get back to me is SHIOK lah... hehez... sadist? I dun think so, I take its as a good workout... hehez...
But with good workout, I also did alot of good food this weekend. Went for ma la guo with Herbert, last weekend, been having a craving and since i was near the area I jio-ed him to it. Good, not too spicy, and very very filling, took me hours to digest, haven't felt so full in a long time. Sat, had ding tai feng, more good food, yum yum, reward is always sweet after awhile...
Yesterday, spent the entire day at the beach, tanning, and despite passing shower, we still managed to look like lobsters when we leave the beach, its true that if company is good, nothing can really dampen ur spirit despite lousy weather. Went to the IT fair after, to scout for pricing for laptop, and realised its ain't that much cheaper neither. So forgo a hasty buy. Decide to think it over before purchase.
Lately, cash have been flowing out like a leaking tap man, and with all on my to buy list, I forsee myself eating bread till the end of the year... haha.... Here is a brief outline of things I planning to get.
1) Lappy aka Lap Top
2) Handphone (coz my current one battery is really CMI)
3) new pair of runners, probably NB (dun forsee my current acis [3 months old] is going to last me till Stand Chart run)
4) Digital watch to keep track of timing (Polar RS 200 prefered)
Just these 4 item alone is enough to used up everything i have been saving man. Argh, and kind sponsors, willing to donate to the "Ryan Needy Fund" hahaha...
Anyway, got to prepare for work already lah... gotta work to earn money, to get all I want!!! jia you jia you!!!! ciaoz...
Shall end my entry with a word of advise, Life is fragile, no one knows what is going to happen tml, so be sure to leave your life to the fullest everyday and with no regrets...
After the passing of the officer for the run, another person under the age of 40 have died, and this time its closer to heart as I knew this person. His name, Sonny Leong, a flautist from Kim Seng Winds, someone that I met a weekend before his death, and I really didn't expect that would be the last time I will see him. Surprisingly, he was from NYP band, which I guess I have no idea since I only got in there in my year three. But all I remember during his last practise is that I played him a tuning note, the first note I played for him... and to think its now the last note, sad to be losing a talented player, but I am sure his music stays with all his friends. Its nice knowing u Sonny. FYI, he died peacefully in his sleep, suddenly, but peacefully...
Now back to last week, its been a busy week completing assignments for HRM, stupid internet went down on me at the time i need it most, so I had to complete my assignment in my office, lucky Cedric didn't mind. Apart from that is just alot of training, not sure whatever for, but it always feels good after a good workout... Been going back to my focus training, meaning focusing on particular group of muscles in each workout, and the post workouts aches get back to me is SHIOK lah... hehez... sadist? I dun think so, I take its as a good workout... hehez...
But with good workout, I also did alot of good food this weekend. Went for ma la guo with Herbert, last weekend, been having a craving and since i was near the area I jio-ed him to it. Good, not too spicy, and very very filling, took me hours to digest, haven't felt so full in a long time. Sat, had ding tai feng, more good food, yum yum, reward is always sweet after awhile...
Yesterday, spent the entire day at the beach, tanning, and despite passing shower, we still managed to look like lobsters when we leave the beach, its true that if company is good, nothing can really dampen ur spirit despite lousy weather. Went to the IT fair after, to scout for pricing for laptop, and realised its ain't that much cheaper neither. So forgo a hasty buy. Decide to think it over before purchase.
Lately, cash have been flowing out like a leaking tap man, and with all on my to buy list, I forsee myself eating bread till the end of the year... haha.... Here is a brief outline of things I planning to get.
1) Lappy aka Lap Top
2) Handphone (coz my current one battery is really CMI)
3) new pair of runners, probably NB (dun forsee my current acis [3 months old] is going to last me till Stand Chart run)
4) Digital watch to keep track of timing (Polar RS 200 prefered)
Just these 4 item alone is enough to used up everything i have been saving man. Argh, and kind sponsors, willing to donate to the "Ryan Needy Fund" hahaha...
Anyway, got to prepare for work already lah... gotta work to earn money, to get all I want!!! jia you jia you!!!! ciaoz...
Shall end my entry with a word of advise, Life is fragile, no one knows what is going to happen tml, so be sure to leave your life to the fullest everyday and with no regrets...
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
My condolences....
Read on today's newspaper about the captain that died on Sunday 21km run. Its a pity to lose yet another outstanding athlete. Not surprised that all his friend's and family was shocked by his passing, I would too if I knew him, who would expect a strong guy like that to just collapse and die. All this seems freaky, like Death Note (for those who watched the movie would know what I am talking about) really exist. All these death have inflicted a fear in me when running, I think before stepping on the acceleration, will have doubt if i should push myself to my limits. Its not that I fear death, but I have to consider the grief stage that my parents and friends have to go through if anything happens to me. I know how it feels like losing someone close, its worse den slicing a piece of meat off you, trust me.
Went to watch Evan Almighty with Herbert yesterday, funny show, but nevertheless learn quite abit from some of the conversations on the show. 2 particular sentence caught my attention and i would really love to share. First being "Changing the World by is simply doing one act of random kindness at a time" and "Prayers are asking god for an opportunity" Shall not go into details for the 2 sentence, you will know more about it when you watch the movie. Its pretty good.
Yay...tonight got Muay Thai training, something I look forward to every week, thou i get all bruised up after, but the feeling of relief and fatigue is always rewarding. Erm, guess thats is for today, nothing pretty much interesting to blog. Have been feeling uneasy for the past few days, have plenty to think about but cannot really put them into words... just assuming it school stress taking a toll on me, and leaving it at that for the moment. Alright then, shall leave it at that for now. will update again as soon as I can find the time. Cheers!!!
Went to watch Evan Almighty with Herbert yesterday, funny show, but nevertheless learn quite abit from some of the conversations on the show. 2 particular sentence caught my attention and i would really love to share. First being "Changing the World by is simply doing one act of random kindness at a time" and "Prayers are asking god for an opportunity" Shall not go into details for the 2 sentence, you will know more about it when you watch the movie. Its pretty good.
Yay...tonight got Muay Thai training, something I look forward to every week, thou i get all bruised up after, but the feeling of relief and fatigue is always rewarding. Erm, guess thats is for today, nothing pretty much interesting to blog. Have been feeling uneasy for the past few days, have plenty to think about but cannot really put them into words... just assuming it school stress taking a toll on me, and leaving it at that for the moment. Alright then, shall leave it at that for now. will update again as soon as I can find the time. Cheers!!!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Singapore Bay Run
Just got back from the run awhile ago, it was good, and now I am feeling more of sleepy rather than tired. Legs are not sore, caught my breathing back almost immediately after crossing the finishing line, but this time didn't managed to catch where the camera was... so cannot cam whore. hehez...
5am, drag myself out of bed (went to bed at 1am as i prepared for the run), showered and forced 2 toast down my throat, usually have not much appetite in the morning, but its not good to run on empty stomach. After that, got a cab and picked up Jayson from his place before heading down. The place was already pretty packed when we got there... Thank god I didn't wear my army singlet, coz there were tonnes wearing it, as the event is also know as Army Half Marathon in the past, but due to overwhelming response to the event, they had to change the name to cater to the public. Deposited our bag, then headed off to the starting point at One Fullerton.
Running in the city is indeed a fun thing to do, especially when u get to run in the middle of the road not worry about getting knocked down by the cars. The views are fantastic, the air is alright considering it is a Sunday. However doing it alone and with thousands of people plays tricks on your brains. You tend to want to go faster, to pass people. So at some point of time, u feel more or less fatigue. But as I ran, and when I finally saw the finishing line, the feeling is good . Yet another event completed.
After the run, waiting for bag collection is a headache, but was much better compared to Mizuno Wave Run. After that me and a very hungry Jayson went to MS to hunt for food, and ended up having Carl's Junior, my first time having it. The salad is good, burger is good, everything is good, partly because I am hungry too I guess... didn't really care much, took it as a reward for my run. After that went down town, to register for the Run For Hope next month before heading home... and that pretty much is the end of my run. Hopefully my picture turn out fine. hehez...
Oh yah, just got news that a captain died from the run, collapse after passing the line. haiz... poor chap...
Alright then...thats all folk about my run... shall blog if there is something interesting then....
Health Tips: Never Run in with an empty stomach and know ur limits, its always great to exceed ur limit, but not at the expense of ur life....
5am, drag myself out of bed (went to bed at 1am as i prepared for the run), showered and forced 2 toast down my throat, usually have not much appetite in the morning, but its not good to run on empty stomach. After that, got a cab and picked up Jayson from his place before heading down. The place was already pretty packed when we got there... Thank god I didn't wear my army singlet, coz there were tonnes wearing it, as the event is also know as Army Half Marathon in the past, but due to overwhelming response to the event, they had to change the name to cater to the public. Deposited our bag, then headed off to the starting point at One Fullerton.
Running in the city is indeed a fun thing to do, especially when u get to run in the middle of the road not worry about getting knocked down by the cars. The views are fantastic, the air is alright considering it is a Sunday. However doing it alone and with thousands of people plays tricks on your brains. You tend to want to go faster, to pass people. So at some point of time, u feel more or less fatigue. But as I ran, and when I finally saw the finishing line, the feeling is good . Yet another event completed.
After the run, waiting for bag collection is a headache, but was much better compared to Mizuno Wave Run. After that me and a very hungry Jayson went to MS to hunt for food, and ended up having Carl's Junior, my first time having it. The salad is good, burger is good, everything is good, partly because I am hungry too I guess... didn't really care much, took it as a reward for my run. After that went down town, to register for the Run For Hope next month before heading home... and that pretty much is the end of my run. Hopefully my picture turn out fine. hehez...
Oh yah, just got news that a captain died from the run, collapse after passing the line. haiz... poor chap...
Alright then...thats all folk about my run... shall blog if there is something interesting then....
Health Tips: Never Run in with an empty stomach and know ur limits, its always great to exceed ur limit, but not at the expense of ur life....
Friday, August 24, 2007
No Progress...
Haiz... blogging in office before calling it a day. Yes close to 7, still in office, by far the latest I have stay here man in this new place. feel the need to settle all unfinished business before the week ends rather.
Yesterday, went to see the doc, my surgeon, he says my shoulder is doing good progress, and should be able to engage in my old sports (like dragonboat and muay thai) in another 1 and 1/2 months time. Today, went for physio hoping to get the same confirmation, ended in disappointment. "No Improvement on ur back muscles, still lack support", those were her words. DB or MT have to be determined on the progress of my next visit. One side my doc, the other side is my physio, who should I follow... I wonder.
Finally caught 881 yesterday with Apel, its nice for a local production, and I am sure the actors and actress had fun wearing all the costume man... think if i ever going to have a theme party, I would have a "881 theme party" lah... haha... Plot was ok, the songs are all power, brought back many wonderful memories of my childhood where I will get to play around all the getai. Got to wonder how they managed to find such fitting clothing for Qi Yu Wu thou...haiz.. Its ending brought some tears in my eyes thou, managed to not let them flow out. The scene where small papaya started losing hair is where got me the most. Reminded me of my sis, when she had her treatment. *sniff sniff* but thats in the past already...
Rather tired, having to stare at the com all day, I guess this is what spur me to take my current course anyway, not to be staring at the come all day in the future. hehez. Considering if I should go home and get change or just head down to town. Its neither here nor there now, and I am a walking fashion disaster. T-shirt, jeans and TRACK SHOES!!! damn old school, back in the days where I book out from camp man. haha. I cannot never carry out this look thou some of my fren can. HAHA. Have class tml, will likely be going to school earlier for a workout as usual. Trying to plan a trip to short trip up Phuket sometime mid sept, but see lah... chances of making it comes true seems slim hehez...
Alright lah... guess thats all I have for now, everyone have a great weekend. Time to lose more weight, and do something to my sickening face!!! hahaha Cheers!
End with a nice song from 881
Yesterday, went to see the doc, my surgeon, he says my shoulder is doing good progress, and should be able to engage in my old sports (like dragonboat and muay thai) in another 1 and 1/2 months time. Today, went for physio hoping to get the same confirmation, ended in disappointment. "No Improvement on ur back muscles, still lack support", those were her words. DB or MT have to be determined on the progress of my next visit. One side my doc, the other side is my physio, who should I follow... I wonder.
Finally caught 881 yesterday with Apel, its nice for a local production, and I am sure the actors and actress had fun wearing all the costume man... think if i ever going to have a theme party, I would have a "881 theme party" lah... haha... Plot was ok, the songs are all power, brought back many wonderful memories of my childhood where I will get to play around all the getai. Got to wonder how they managed to find such fitting clothing for Qi Yu Wu thou...haiz.. Its ending brought some tears in my eyes thou, managed to not let them flow out. The scene where small papaya started losing hair is where got me the most. Reminded me of my sis, when she had her treatment. *sniff sniff* but thats in the past already...
Rather tired, having to stare at the com all day, I guess this is what spur me to take my current course anyway, not to be staring at the come all day in the future. hehez. Considering if I should go home and get change or just head down to town. Its neither here nor there now, and I am a walking fashion disaster. T-shirt, jeans and TRACK SHOES!!! damn old school, back in the days where I book out from camp man. haha. I cannot never carry out this look thou some of my fren can. HAHA. Have class tml, will likely be going to school earlier for a workout as usual. Trying to plan a trip to short trip up Phuket sometime mid sept, but see lah... chances of making it comes true seems slim hehez...
Alright lah... guess thats all I have for now, everyone have a great weekend. Time to lose more weight, and do something to my sickening face!!! hahaha Cheers!
End with a nice song from 881
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