I am suffering from a serious case of "Doryism". I initially have alot of things to blog about but now that I am on and blogging, my mind goes blank like a piece of paper. haha... Pity... so young and my brains is already failing me. haha.. will try to recall as we go along den.

Oh first and foremost would have to Congratulate my brother, Mr. Louis Fong, for becoming Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007, beating 13 other "hunks". I must say the title was pretty much his after the Q & A section as he absolutely nailed the question man. Apart from the title, he also won Best Tan and also Best Groom title. Fantastic man. The event was held at Velvet Dragon, last friday, and the entire gang including his gang of friends went down to support him. Thou we are not the biggest crowd around but we would win the most supporting crowd award for the night i suppose. Glad that the entire gang could make it. Was a very enjoyable evening. Louis will represent Singapore to compete in Taiwan. Hopefully everything goes well for him.

Saturday is all band for me, went down to help the section fine tune their parts for the coming concert. I must say a significant amount of improvement from the camp. Just hope that this quality sustain all the way to the concert. NYP is a very weird band, and only perform under pressure, which can be stressful to hear at times. But when they perform the standard is there, i am glad laoshi roped in Mervin to help the brass section, if not the improvement will not be so significant I suppose. Was asked to perform for the concert also, pretty last minute, but am glad to provide my services, since I haven't been on a stage for awhile already, so would be cool to be able to do so again, haha thou alot of hard work from my side to prepare for the pieces. Dun wan to be the black sheep in the group. Stress!!!

Sunday, woke up at 5am to attend the Singapore Passion Run in East Coast Park. beautiful weather. The run was conducted in wave and thx god I was in wave 1 so its cooler to run. One advise to everyone, never do a long distance run in new shoes!!! haha i learn it the hard way with 6 blisters after i completed the 10KM distance. Think I completed it in 45mins if not mistaken, was too tired to even track my time, will just have to wait for the cert (that will be mailed to me). Was suppose to be running with Jessie, but she fell ill after paddling on sat, so i was the lone ranger. Can say its pretty tough, as i paced the vetran runners, and my "dragonboat" instinct kicked in, getting very competitive, and push myself way off my limits. And for the fact i that I haven't been running very regularly before the run, I almost died at the 9km mark, its was shear determination that pull me to the finishing line. My legs are still aching from the run. Tired but very rewarding just to know u can finish 10 km. But time to reflect on myself.

I guess I kinda screw up my internal system. In the sense i cannot do long distance as I get too competitve and push myself over the edge sometimes, and i cannot do short distance now too, not able to sprint fast like i used to be... AGE is certainly creeping up on me. The coming run is Mizuno Wave run, doing it with herbert, guess will be taking the pace a little more relaxed, with company i guess its possible.

Got myself a new pair of googles, my old one snapped on me during my swim yesterday. Got a Hot red pair... haha, must be thinking (what are you thinking!!! right?) haha well, it was kinda under the influence of my buddy herbert lah, haha said i should seek for something that is more daring. hahaha. but its not too bad look thou. Just have to find a more matching pair of trunks to go with it now.

Hmm guess thats all I have for now... back to work (blogging in office fyi), then off for band prac, Very "Last min hug buddha leg (translate to chinese)" but will try my best in the concert. Its this friday. so 4 more days... the clock is ticking.... God bless me... Cheers pple....

Movies.... KTV and more movies

My past 5 days have been pretty much about movies!!! haha already caught 3 movies in the past 5 days, namely SURFS UP, TRANSFORMERS and HOT FUZZ. Will comment more about them as we go along.

Thurdays was more of the movie marathon. Got my day pretty planned out, went to the gym in the morning, then visited my friend Xin Yan in the hospital. Was actually planning to head down to raffles place after that to get my runners, but had to postpone that as I stayed longer in the hospital. After which met up with Sherine for a little SURFS UP!!! haha love the way they tell the story, based on a third party camera, like making of a home video kinda thing. No too bad animation despite not from one of the big producers like Pixars and Dreamworks. (its by Sony Animation fyi). Then after that movie, walk back into town (from PS) to meet Herbert and Dennes in Cine to catch TRANSFORMERS! Its just blew me away man, the action may be abit messy at the back, but it brought back alot of good childhood memories especially the sound the robots produced while morphing, priceless. Got home at about 1ish in the morning but was only able to go to bed at about close to 3 as I was still "high" from the movie. It was that good for me...

Friday, beloved Xiu xiu Birthday... hehez, but as she had plans, I didn't get to meet her till later, got called back to work at the very last min, but still manage to go to the pool for a dip before showing up for work. After work, was initally suppose to meet up with Carol, for shopping, but was cancelled due to last min plans as well. So i walked around town alone, then met up with birthday girl and Trisa later in the evening for a little KTV session. Great fun always happens in the KTV, thats for sure.

My weekend was spent by Bedok Reservior, as they had the Singapore Dragonboat Festival Races. Initally thinking I was the spectator, but there was a lack of crew for one of the race and I was roped in to help. Came in 2nd for that heats, which puts us in the finals with the A team. Thou the actual on Sunday that boat came in 5th, I was still glad I managed to race after such a long while. Saturday evening, walked around town with Carol, who gave me pretty late notice to ask me out... but still manage to make it after collecting my passion run items from novena. Its great to see her after such a long while, and thou we spent more time talking that actually looking around, its nice just to catch up.... The Race result for Aussie is Gold for the HK challenge n Silver for the Expat race! great job guys!!!

Monday was work and gym, so nothing exciting happened. Yesterday, had a little dip in the pool but meeting up with Carol in town again for a little walk around before her later appointment. I too met up with Yi Xin, Jayz and Dawn for a movie HOT FUZZ. before that we went for dinner at a eatery selling japanese curry rice. I regretted having my dinner so early as the food they guys ordered looks superb. haha, shall go there again some other time!!! After that headed back to cine for the movie. Initally, thought we will be abit late with the movie, but end up there was some cock up at Cathay and there was delay, so we didn't miss any part of the movie. Its was a good movie, good laugh and really a good deal of spoofs here and there. Gave Hollywood a run for its money... haha. After that Yi Xin gave me and Jays a ride back, thanks Yi Xin. On the way she talked about her NY trip. Sounds so nice... really looking forward to going there one day, wonder when i will be thou... Hopefully soon.

They actually told me something about my blog I didn't realised. Haha, the unlimited times I used the phrases "I suppose" and "I guess" in my entries. Haha, well after really back on some of the past entires, indeed, its true. HAHA but hey, thats my signature I SUPPOSE!!! hehez... Alright then, thanx guys for the movie yesterday, it was really real to catch up again, hope to do that again really soon. Have to prepare to go work already. Cheers Guys!!!

Recap....

Lets just do a little recap on last weekend's event. First, Friday, went town to settle on some stuff before heading down to Mt. Alvenia to visit beloved Jac, got hospitalised as she fainted at home. Poor thing, but thank god she have discharged already. Think was due to a virus attack. TAKE CARE JAC!!! then after which rushed to Marina Square for a makan session organised by Andy Tan, someone we haven't seen for ages. Seems to be doing well, and its good to hear from MIA frens once in awhile, to hear they are doing fine. Spent most of our time at Changing Appetite before calling it a day.

Saturday, was suppose to be going to JB for a little "Stocking up" with herbert, but due to OVERPROTECTIVE parents, the trip was cancelled. Very pissed but what to do, they are my parents afterall, and I have seem to have already past my rebellious stage. Ended up K-lunching with my regular ktv kakis (karen and sasa) and with a couple of special guest, meiting and shi ting. Its good lah... had fun, after which proceed to band. Band prac went pretty ok, attendance wasn't fantastic as usual but those presents are really there to make music, despite the handful of us, we manage to produce impressive music. Somethings is not the quantity but the quality I guess. hehez. Evening, met up with herbert to do some shopping off in suntec. Was planning of "venting" some of my shopping mood on guess tees, but sadly I ended up only buying 1 piece, it either the design wasn't nice or just no size. Argh... left with all the big sizes.... dun seem to have that kinda situation when i used to be fat!!! sickening. We ended off the evening with a little tea in Gelare at citylink, and just in that short hour, I met so many frens just by people watching. I saw John Tan, an ex-Aussie dragonboater, now heard he is rowing for SAFRA. Then, I saw many SAF band mates... First was Tuan Hao and partner, then was Daniel, both of them flautist and my "junior" from my SAF band days. Then as we head to the train station, I met Marcus, haha also my ex SAF band mate. Its nice to know so many people indeed. hehez...

Sunday, went tanning with herbert, haha and the sun was POWER lah... haha stayed out for slightly over and hour and there was already result. (Partly thx to the tanning oil I have too) After that, headed for some sushi before digesting them by window shopping in Vivocity. And that pretty much how my weekend is spent. Nothing special, but no boring too... hehez...

This new wave of question about me getting attached seems to be on a rise. First was herbert, out of the blues asking, "so when are you gonna find a gf?" haha. something unusual to come from him. Then was another friend Violet, she ask "You have been single all your life, so how will u know when u are falling in love?" haha that question got me tinking really hard... How will I know? will there be signs? Looking back on all the relationship problems I have helped solve, I never really thought about this question thou, how these people got together at the first place? How do you know you are in love? haha... but well i guess love is an act of nature and u might fall in or out of it unknowly... but I guess I will only know when the time comes...

For now its loving myself and getting into the right shape... Need to step up on my cardio and no much on weights. I wonder if its all these pressure that I am putting on myself that is causing a back fire. The more I want to push myself, the more lazy I guess... Must sound like I am finding and excuse, but honestly there is not much drive left in me... need to find the drive. Alright... Cheers pple...

Love Yourself before you can love others!

Have been reading a couple of my friend's blog and this sentence kept popping out. To love others, you have to learn to love yourself first. True enough, but this sentence sparks alot of question from within? How to love yourself? treating yourself good? pampering the body and soul? or simply staying in your comfort zone most of the time? I am sure everyone percieve loving themselves differently. For my case, pushing myself to the limits physically is they way I show that I love myself, thou many would think I must hate myself alot. But I guess its my way to show how I care for myself, not going back to the old, unhealthy self.

With that, comes another question, when will u know you have love yourself enough? Its in human nature that we strive more, and never be contented with what we have at the moment, its called "greed" (not all in a bad way) so since this vicious cycle continues, when will we love ourselves enough to start loving others? since enough is never enough?

Surely most people would say you will know when the time comes, its really comes knocking at your door. But I am saying its doesn't work on everyone, not me at least. Many of my friends kept saying "Ryan you are an inspiration, a role model to prove that fat people can go skinny with determination." Well, its great to hear such things honestly, meaning all your hard work paid off, however, with the good points kinda back fires on me sometimes. Words of encouragement push me to maintain or even do better so as to not slack back, so much so that it have poison my mind in a sense where I feel guilty if I dun workout or have too much to eat. This is a kinda condition anorexia paitent suffer, except mine is kinda less drastic as I don't go and puke out what I ate, rather, I workout hard to try burn them off as soon as possible. Am I not loving myself in that sense? letting my body "suffer"? When will I be ready to love someone else, guess never, at the rate I am going.

Well, questions questions questions.... need answers!!!

Marvellous Monday!!!

This week is off to a pretty good start I must say... First recieve news on one of my friend's engagement, which is like super sudden! Congraz Violet!!! Next, my friend made it to Young Fashion Designer Finals!!! Woohoo Congraz MAX!!!! know you can do it... Pampered myself with the aviators from Guess as well!!! haha its been great so far... please keep it coming!!! great week ahead! *pray pray*

Too light after hell week???

Had a pretty happening past 2 days after hell week, a little too happening, really have no motivation to watch the diet. haha. Lets start from Friday.

The teams had team bonding day, but not for myself as I had the concert "Play" organised by Singapore Arts Fest to attend, so I headed to the gym for a light workout instead. The concert featured games musics with the likes of Super Mario Theme, Sonic, and Final Fantasy and many more. The classics was Daytona man, haha sang by the composer himself, entertaining. Went with Sherine, Adeline and Wai leng. Was actually expecting an overseas performance (as in a band from oversea), but little did we know that its was performed by the newly commissioned Singapore Festival Orchestra. They didn't really disappoint, thou its pretty weak in term of volume, they delivered the pieces nicely. After that, the plan of looking for dessert (Sherine's sudden craving) fail as the concert ended pretty late, so ended up home earlier and satisfying this craving with yogurt with fresh strawberry. NICE!!!

Yesterday was all about rushing man... first rush to Woodlands to get something done, den afterwhich rush to NYP to give the flautist a little lesson. Was suppose to leave early but ended up overlooking time and left very late. Met the gang at 730pm and Village (hereen). All the good food tempts me but ended up with just a simple mixed salad, and later shared a rosti with sausage with Jac. The only sinful thing about there was Brewarks Beer from Angie man. Haha, didn't know I missed the taste so much man. After that, was initally contemplating about going ktv. But after some consideration, decided to just go, since its a very rare crowd. I guess it the lounge that we got that evening. I got unusually hyper, hah but glad everyone had a good laugh and time from all the nonsense that comes from me lah... guess can only be done behind closed doors lah... haha. Ended that and head home, fanastic evening.

Today didn't pretty much nothing, didn't have the mood to do anything either. Did went downstairs to do some skipping, running, and stairs climbing, basically very cardio intensive stuff. Still trying desperately to lose that "deflated bicycle tire" of mine, pehaps I will go back to swimming? maybe that will help. Alright then. all the update I have.. will post some pic of that evening soon I guess. SWAT TIME!!! ciaoz...

Last day of Hellweek... for me...

Today is the very last day of land training for me on hellweek, the rest is gonna be water training. But today really pushes me to the limit, and really showed me how much the op have taken on my stamina. Here is how tonight program.

We first did one warm up round around the track, then we move on to 4 X 400 m sprints on the track, followed by 4 X 200m sprints, and ends off with 4 X 100m sprints. After that was core workout for the abs. I tell you the whole process almost killed me. Not too sure if I didn't hydrate myself or not enough food, I got a stitches in my third 400m round. Luckily the pain didn't linger long, and I managed to complete the rest and really was at my limits most of the time, desperately trying to catch my breath.

After the runs, we did 4 1/2 mins of bridging (3 X 1 min sets, last set 1.5 mins) 4X 20 V- crunches and 4X side leg lifts. My legs felt heavier den a log at that moment. After that, had a quick shower before heading back. Dog tired now, but already thinking what I can do tml. This guy, by the name of Rob, he is very fast in the run, looked and his size is pretty much like Bob, the Personal Traininer from The Biggest Loser. He was the fastest of the pack for today. Respect, but being as competitive as I am, I will make sure I surpass him someday... *evil grin* hehez... movitvation i guess.

Alright thats all i have for the day... Nites all have have a great weekend ahead....Cheers!

Day three hell week...

Did not attend the hell week program yesterday as it was water paddling. Thus I made it to the gym instead. A fulfilling 2 hours workout mainly focus on my back. That explains why I am feeling a little sore on my back. But nevertheless, PAIN IS GOOD!!! hahaha

After which, head home for lunch before heading out to SGH for a blood donation. Have been wanting to do it for the longest time, but was waiting for my "probation period" to over (FYI: if you had a surgery and a GA is required, one have to wait three months after that to make a blood donation). Oh yah and try not to have a heavy workout before a donation... haha coz apparently the nurse told me my muscles cause the vein they extract from to collapse thus they have to keep a constant watch on me... hahah....sorry...

After that meaningful task, met up with Jing Si and Karen for a little Shrek at Vivocity!!! Must say the animation is superb man, some of the scene even look real for some moments. It just made me more determine NOT to watch "Dong Hai Zhan" as I can be a mean critic and I won't want to get sue... haha

After that we went window shopping around. The deals at vivo ain't as appealing as those in town. Managed to find 2 aviator that looks pretty decent on me. One from Ray Ban (which is EX lah) and the other from Pull and Bear (which is slightly cheaper then the Guess one I am eyeing at) Will have to see if I have fate with the Guess one thou, coz its going off the shelf like hot cakes. That pretty much sums up my day. short but fullfilling.

Today will be Hell week day 4 for me... haha SPRINT DAY!!! woohoo, enjoyed the last one, hopefully this will be just as fun... It is also known as "Run for your life" run, or the "Run like there is no tommorrow" run, (invented by me). Basically its just run as fast as you can possibly go, short rest in between and then again. Each time the distance gets abit shorter. But basically it works ur recovery time. Then we end the session with core exercise, hehe useful but usually i would be too "dead" to do it properly. haha... BUT WOOHOO cannot wait...gotta settle the school stuff with my mum this afternoon before heading for training, get it done and over with, the adminstrative side of MDIS really could be revamped man... because they are NOT EFFICENT AT ALL!!! my deadline of my offer for my course is coming monday and till today I have yet recieve my offer letter. Lucky they provide a soft copy to my course coordinator and he emailed it to me in advance, if not I would know nuts about it. But that was full of error also, which I have to constantly check with my course coordinator too... haiz... PLEASE DUN ME LIKE UNSW ASIA!!! MDIS!!! hahaha

Ok I guess my words for my past entry have been pretty harsh. Its regarding my friend Azre. So I will clear the air now. We are still friends, most definately, he is a fun person to hang out with and all, besides that fact I get to hear alot of interesting storys from. So it would really be a waste to stop hanging out because of such a minor issue. Thus what I am saying is, I guess things just got a little out of hand and I got uncomfortable, and this being my blog, its my best medium to express my discomfort being any issue at all. But now that the air is cleared, we are still friends, we can still do shopping and bitch till the cows come home k. Heard news that he was pretty upset, which made me pretty upset in bringing up this matter up in the first place. So case closed on this matter... every will be as normal, or rather, I am sure small changes here and there... but its definately for the better... haha okok starting to blabber already.

Thats all for today, shall update more about tonite's training then, expecting it to be the toughest of them all... hehe... feeling the rush already!!!

Hell Training Day 2

Todays training was more like it... thou it fort canning, its was really fun. Did a round for warm up den we did the stairs training, where we climb up to the top of the stairs, did 20 push up and crunches, and back down doing, then do the same things. Did 6 sets of it before finishing with another round around the park. Feels good after that, dipped in the pool for awhile before washing up and return home.

Conclusion, todays workout is better, can feel my upper back and my abs aching abit... haha. Left with thursday "sprint day" tml its paddle which I guess I won't be doing. Guess I will just hit the gym tml den... tats that

Oh for my 2 rounds I clocked 8 min50sec for the warm up and 8mins 30 sec for the cool down... satisfied i guess... hehez

HELL WEEK COMMENCE!!!

Just got back from my first session of hell week. Comment, erm... not really as much kick as the last time. perhaps its because i took it easy in the chin ups so I dun really feel the strain on my arms after this evening session. Hoping tml will be better

Determination? where are u?

The more I try to tell myself to stop, the worse I get. What happened to the discipline self? Been telling myself to abstain from junk food, control my diet, get on with my regime. But its seems that I have been giving in to temptation really easily lately. The devil within keeps probing, "A little won't hurt, just have to run an additional round" or "You deserve to pamper yourself once in awhile", but this "once in awhile" seems to be picking up. Hoping this hell week will change me back to the person I used to be, the one that works out at least 1 1/2 hrs a day in the gym and an hr run in the evening. The routine I followed during my times in the camp, but now that I am out, the routine is broken, I became less commited and very LAZY!!!

Weekend, pretty boring I must say. Saturday, went for band practice, initally was planning to make it a little earlier to do some practise. But only managed to make it on time due to delays here and there. Got locked outside the room, but with Salleh "superb skills" we found our way in the back door. We were about to be roast alive. Band prac wasn't that bad lah, played pretty interesting pieces. So glad everyone managed to make it despite some having to leave earlier, but the effort is appreciated. After band, had dinner with Pei Yee, Sasa, Xiu, and another friend. Food is not too bad, but the serving is very sinful. I had a double platter beef burger, the serving is so big I could have it as 2 seperate meal. But my nature being the type that don't waste food, I finised it up guilty. Went for a little last min shopping before the shops closed for the day, as well as to digest that monster meal. Even made a little trip down to Mens 2007 for a little walk. Thou most of the item are pretty much closed as we got there pretty late. Many promoters still hunted us down like lions and fresh meat. Managed to get out in one piece. After that, a little more shopping before KTV!!! haha, was a pretty random thing lah, but we all sang to the wee hours of the morning (we refering to Sasa, Xiu and Myself).

Sunday, was suppose to go for Hellweek beefcake, but overslept (having only sleeping at 4am) thus gave that a miss. Met up with Max and Azre later in the day to do some shopping. Was pretty alright, managed to find a shop in far east selling merchandise imported from Hong Kong. Not too bad too, at pretty reasonable price. Max got himself a nice top from there. After which was more shopping and everyone grew tired as the day passes. Hmm, wonder why, but shopping trips have grown pretty boring. To be honest, there is a fear on Azre for me already. I am not as comfortable going out with him anymore, perhaps from his behaviors. Its not that its that much different from the last time, but I guess last time the principles are clear. But now, I am not sure about him.

Today, been slacking and looking forward to training later, cannot wait is the word to use. Wonder what Yong (our coach) have up his sleeve this time round. The last hell week saw the team with a gold in the expart race and our first sliver on national level. So this time round i am sure more is expected. Training is going to get more tough I expect. Just cannot wait. Heard yesterday's training was a blast. So hoping today will be the same too. Gonna go pack for later... will update soon... going to hell, give me strenght, wish me luck!!!

Change for the better?

Today, helped out with shifting (as in packing and unpacking) of the company... one word... TIRED LAH!!! haha haven't been so tired for a long time, even more tiring then shopping man. Haha Well, seeing this new place, make me miss chinatown already. The new place is at Geylang btw... The sight, sound and everything around chinatown, No More...

Well, a new place, a new beginning, a fresh start I hope. Thou the job is not likely to change, but I guess I will stay awhile more till I get stable with my school. Ladies and Gentlemen, I chose MDIS. hehez, I guess the bottomline is not how prestiguus the school is, rather do u see a path ahead of you with whatever u wish to pursue. Thou, I am sure the path ahead will be bright if I had chosen SMU, but till today, its still a blur view ahead. Whereas, for the other one, I can already see many possibilities ahead. NO REGRETS and no turning back now... wish me luck.

Seen my past 2 blog, kinda woke up the "fighting Ryan" in me, Why am I submitting to confusion again? depressed? what is there to depress? self pity? attention seeking? haha, thou there is so many question, but I have yet find any answer to them, but one thing is for sure, I am clear that I am no longer sinking lower, and will not allow myself to do so too...FIGHTING!!! Thank you everyone that have showered me with concern, felt alot better to know I am not fighting this battle alone. Life is too short to be depressed, an advise I give others when they are feeling down. Its time to use it on myself!!! Time to move on.

Apart from changing my work environment, did some changes to myself too. Get my hair trimmed after such a long time. My stylist tinks my colour is horrible, to be honest I tot so too... Thus, I GOT IT CHANGED!!! hehez... pretty satified with it, thou not many people notice, but so far feedback have been not too bad... Now playing around with different styles.... hopefully I can keep up the "trend" hehez

Next week is HELL (aka Heavenly) Week from the dragonboat team, thou I haven't been going down for paddle, I am still looking forward to this training nevertheless. Gets you dog tired but feeling brand new after that week, or rather, feel like superman... hehez. TRAINING!!! got a target to reach!!!

Thats all for now lah... shall update soon... Nites and great weekend ahead....

WWE Star trainning!!!

Sliding....

I am a great pretender... something I can proudly say... and I think I have bad mood swings, even worse then girls during their period, coz mine can come as and went it wants. Friendless? cannot blame, its me attitude to blame.

Just got back from band prac moments ago, was such a strong section last week, and this week only down to me and karen. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST!!! haha... I know wl have NDP, so thats ok... But well, its ok lah... I guess everyone have their own plans, and I won't be back for long too... just till I can get back into the water lah. 2 things that can really cast my trouble aside, making music and sports (DRAGONBOAT!!!). Was feeling ok just now, till pehaps after band ended... when things rosed again from within. Jac jioed ktv, and for the first time, there was no excitement. So I gave it a miss and now i am home. Guess I will be thinking too much if I say "hope they dun think i am anti social" haha, the very low confidence Ryan is back to find me again. Donno what hit me to make me feel this way in the first place. Time to look at myself again.

Yesterday went out with the guys, namely Max and Azre, and later on met up with Tuan and partner. Would say its alright lah, but as they met for the sole purpose of introduction, thus there wasn't much to do, and was damn odd lor. Haiz, dun feel comfortable at all, felt PART OF IT... which is not what I want to feel... Know its all for fun laughter peace and joy, but I guess in public, its too much for me to handle lah. Thou its been so many times, I am still no used to it.... and I guess I will never get used to it.

Haiz... that all ba, today went to the physio in the morning, didn't make much progress, kinda disappointed. But given green light to swim already. Another item I can do!!! woohoo!!! will strenghten my arms and hopefully will see results in 3 weeks time... wish me luck... RYAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

Shoo... Moody go away!!!

Not sure what I am up to? Just feeling really moody, started today, weird that its on a PH, or rather could be because of this PH. Everything seems very wrong today, I don't know why but nothing seems to go well for me today. Lonely once more...

Today, head down to the gym, first thing on my "To Do" list as I missed it yesterday (due to band prac). After which, was bored and didn't want to go home, so went down down town for a walk and catch a glimps of GSS since it started. Was initally planning to meet Herbert for a movie in the afternoon (since he complained that the is losing life to army), but sudden plan change to the evening kinda puts me off (guess he is tired). Tried getting my regular kakis out, but they were busy with their own activities, while others are just too tired from clubbing the night before. So me, Ryan, walked around town alone again, not the first time neither. Something I pretty much enjoyed doing lah at times. About 6ish, was deciding to go back when herbert decided to come down. However we didn't meet up, why? coz my bloody phone decided to DIE on me. So No Phone = Lost in the third dimension. Rushed home to get it charge and stuck home after. Caught 50 first dates, still so nice thou its not the first time i watched it. Will be catching Ocean 11 later.

I am losing its again, the same feeling that is pestering me begining this year is back to haunt me. I don't know whats making me feel this way, but I donno how to get rid of it. Another isolation phrase? someone to talk to? who? I have alot of friends and I am sure they are willing to lend me a listening ear, but I donno even know whats bothering me to start with. It fustrates me sometimes...GOD!!!

I am bossy, that I have to admit, but there are people that can be bossy without guilt and some people that bossy and feel guilty after. I belong in the 2nd type, I will do something and den soon after reflect and think what is going through the other person's mind. You can call that thinking too much, but I dun want it, honestly, if I can get rid of it, I am more then happy to dump it. But unfortunately, I don't know how. Its going to be another tough month ahead, I forsee it already...

Why do I keep going through such thing? why? I don't use to have such things, seems to creep into me ever since my sister crossed over? Did my sister used to feel such things? so I inherited this emotions? I realised that ever since my sister's crossing, I have change in many ways. Apart from the growing up part, I kinda taken the role as both a son and a "daughter" to my parents. No that I have turn feminie thou, just that I became a little more emotional, and more gentle in some sense. That kinda made me weak get into "the state" pretty easily i guess. Mr. Moody, please go away soon....

Will there be a rainbow tml?

Birthday filled weekend...

This weekend is all about BIRTHDAYS!!! as we have birthday three days straight... Friday, ADELINE BIRTHDAY, Saturday, NAVIN BIRTHDAY, Sunday, MY MUMMY BIRTHDAY!!! hehez... so to everyone that had their birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Its have not only been a birthday weekend, but one that I have been having a havoc... lets start off Friday. Met up with 4 beauties for dinner (namely Irene, Jac, Karen and Trisa, guess its only me that will get this privilege lah...heez) Went to Raku Restaurant, ALL MY FELLOW BLOGGERS, for your own good... DO NOT GO THERE IF U ARE PLANNING A GOOD NIGHT OUT!!! coz I certainly didn't enjoy the experience there one bit. The food ain't fantastic (but wasn't horrible, still edible lah), other than the ambience of the place, there is really nothing acceptable of the place. Its has got to be the place with the worse service attitude so far, of all the place I have been to in town that is. You get better service in Kopitiam lah!!! so angry... But in such great company, I try to keep my cool, and we had lots to talk about. After that, everyone seems to be in the vibes for a little KTV and we did. Would say its pretty enjoyable, and pretty stressful, as everyone was such good singers and me being a noob at my worse form... haha but I had fun lah... Left the place at 3 am, and keenan (Jac bf) came to fetch the ladies off, I took a little stroll in town before heading home. Town at 3 am isn't exactly as "ghostly" as I tot, its still pretty buzzing with activities at some corners of streets and all. Reached home at 4ish, showered waited for my hair to dry and finally hit the sack at close to 5am.

Saturday, got up at 10 ish, its became so routine that I watch up at that time everyday that no matter how late i sleep i will wake at that time. Went for band practise, wasn't that bad, got close to a full section and was once again the strongest section present... haha. After band prac we all meet at MS Kenny Rogers for a little dinner and "mini celebration" for Adeline. But somehow I guess that evening was not too well planned as there was not plans after dinner. Still we managed to have a little chit chatting session over at Rocky Masters. After that was home, but I went for my buddy Navin party at Gotham. The party was alright, haven't club in a very long while but it was great, thou I am sure there won't be one in a long time to come. Ended the evening at 5am ish, got a cab back in the wee hours of the morning. DEAD after...

Sunday, got up super late (say 1ish in the afternoon) haha must be the booze lah... desperately searching for water and all... Just reminded me why I hate clubbing in the first place. my vest and cap STINK BIG TIME of smoke and all man... had to air it out the entire day. Spent the rest of the day hydrating myself and stoning. Gave mum a big fat ang bao, as I always say, if you donno what to get, best is to let her get it herself. hahaha LOVE U MUM!!!

That pretty much sums up my bithday filled weekend. Later will be trying to lose some of the calories gained over the weekend in the gym... Decision more or less make for uni lah. just waiting for the papers to arrive, which is takeing forever lah. Alright den... shall update soon... CHEERS

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

TAIWAN HUA!!!!

In SHE new hit album, Zhong Guo Hua seems to have stirred displease with taiwannese, thus to counter the effect... this is wat they come up with... DAMN COOL LAH!!!

Fun but sinful weekend...

Last weekend would have to be the most sinful weekend I have thus far, considering the amount of food i stuffed into my body, but I am not going to cover too much of that, rather I would just talked about yesterday. hehez...

My day started off with KTV session with my regular KTV kakis (Trisa and Karen), my "BEE GEES Buddy (Wai Leng) a few "guest celebrities" namely Faye/Hebe (Jing Si), Sun Yan Zi (Sarah Jane) and Jay (Jackson)... haha star studded afternoon making lotsa nice music. Its was alot of fun, I took on the old man's role singing songs of my era, with those super old MV. haha But hoped everyone had fun. After that we proceeded to RP (republic poly not raffles place) for a concert. Was not a bad concert if not for the many "additional instrumentions" from the kids in the audience and the fire alarm proudly sponsored by RP.

After concert, we head to Causeway point for dinner, Sasa give me a chance to drive, and under the constant pressure of 6 lives being in my hand, I got them to the mall pretty safely. Kinda renewed my licence after one year of absence from driving, my parking skills have totally gone down the drain. Haiz... but its feels good to be behind the wheels again. Not to mention I stalled twice, argh... even when I am learning i didn't stall that many times... sian...

After dinner we went to UK fun fair, alot of childhood rides... and we could resist the temptation for the "Votex of terror". So 4 of us (Trisa, Jing si, Wei Xiang, and myself) went for it while the rest looked from below... IT WAS DAMN FUN LAH!!! the last time i had so much thrill was when I was sec 2 at Movie world riding on lethal weapon roller coaster. We walked about a little longer after that, but decided to call it a night before more rides temptation catches us... haha Fun Fun Fun sunday...

the Daredevils....

the supporters...

Women....Love... a selfish affair...

I know many girls are not going to be happy with my these entry... but I guess its about time someone shows girls the meaning of love... A little "situation" had triggered me to write this... Its been long enough... time to let some out...

Girls in love, yes blissful, sweet, romantic.... guys too, but shortlived, coz apart from selfishly saying we lose our freedom, its kinda the beginning to a "watched life". I know its very blunt to put things that way, but its not a bad way, coz we do enjoy being watched to tell you the true, the feeling of someone there by your side, and care for you when you are down, and share your happy times and all. But in love sometimes, as girls will put it, they cared too much and they become insecure about themselves... there is where problems comes in, yes, guy thou they don't say much, they are hurt.

"If ever you fall in love with someone else, please let me know in advance" seems like nothing wrong when said in a joking manner, but constantly being told sentence like this hurts a guy in many ways, and also will get the minds of the guy working. "What did I do wrong?", "Why does she say such things?", "Does she not have fate for the love I have for her?" the question continues. When you girls thinks that you are the only one that worries about relationship problems, you are very wrong man, coz guys, no matter how manly he is, do have his moments with relationship problems too. And when you gers think that when a group of guys gathering, all they could talk about is soccer, games, girls or sex, think again. Guys need girls, speaking for the majority, and no matter how "cool" they seem or are, they show affections in their own little way. Girls might not see its as something big, and even take their actions for granted, but its guys ways of showing love. Me having many female friends myself, would relatively say, girls nowadays sets high benchmark when it comes to guys, and with influence of drama series, it becomes worse. Yes they will say that well show is show, it will never happened real life and the don't really expect it to happen, but somewhere within them, we know its not true. And us being guys (in general) will try to meet their expectation unknowingly. Thats our way of showing I suppose.

Girls over insecurity can harm guys in the most deep way I must say. A worried wife trys to contact her husband, who usually have his mobile on almost everytime. He went missing for awhile, mobile off, contact non of his friends. Finally when he called back, the wife sigh a breath of relief... .so sweet right? But the wife asked "Are you having an affair outside? if not why are you in contactable?". All of a sudden, all the sweetness just turns sour. A moment of over worrying, an unforgiving probing, a deep wound to the husband. We are talking about a 25 years marriage on the line. No to say after 25 years, things will not go out of track, but being together for 25 years, you would expect some kinda bond to be there, that mutual trust, that unconditional love. After sighing a breath of relief, the wife might just forget the entire incident, but as for the husband, i am guessing the question is burning fresh in his mind. Questions will follow, wondering what is making his wife thinks that way, and I guess have deeply brought pain to him.

Girls, try to see things from guys point of view too. True enough some of these sentence you girls say, can be for real or meant to be a joke. I also understand you gers must have a reason for saying this, either from bad past experience, or influence from media or frens unfortunate encounters. To us guys, we take it personally, thou we dun seem to be bothered at times, but in actual fact, we take every words our love says into consideration, and in the hours of the night as we rest in bed, we ponder over what have happened and what have been said and start questioning ourselves when things goes wrong. This the behind the scene of what guys are going through, many do not show due to the three letter word starting with "E". But I am telling you, this is what we experience, so don't go around thinking when there is a breakup, girls are always the victim. We just learn to look ahead faster then girls, pick ourselves up sooner, and move on, with that little part of us that still wish the girl well, regardless who ask for the break up. Males are no romantic creatures, thats why there is female to teach them and show them, its pretty much the say as it takes 2 hands to clap.

Venting it out makes me feel so much better. Mood haven't been very good lately so its always good to vent things out through a different medium. Will be going into isolation mode again I suppose. Realised I can think things out better alone... Loner rulez!!!