OT!~!~!~

Yes I am in office again, finishing up on work, was suppose to go for a movie but was postpone... all plans down the drain. Initally was suppose to go for IMC aka International Muay Thai Competition, but kinda called it off for the movie, now... haiz... nvm lah... got work to do anyway.

Yesterday dinner was very funny, all thx to Ms Apel, I dun tink I will ever go back to amk hub fish and co. I shall not get into details but just say that she tried to "sell" me to one of the staff there. its like OMG lah...*ROAR*. But well its fun lah going out with her... always not short of a little laugh thou sometime I become the victim of the jokes. HAHAHA

Today, went to see cousin thomas for a routine checkup, was tinking of getting one done long time ago, but only manage time today. After seeing so many sudden death, and the age being so young, its starting to worry me abit. So far so good, just waiting on my Xray, blood and urine test. ECG and blood pressure was fine. After that head to the gym to do some workout, concentrated on cardio. Realised I am getting more and more letargic, think my "engine" is going to stall again very soon. Worried. After gym, went home to drop off some stuff and here I am, at work to finish off whatever work I have not done.

Will go light on dinner later i guess... looking at the time, probably settle on some dao huay *yummy* shoulder aching since yesterday, the op one, wondering if i over strained it? haiz... guess i have to bring my workout level down a knot a and concentrate more on leg and stamina building man... haven't really got to do marathon traning proper man. and its 2 months away. OMG DIE!!! all the best to me den.

Alright lah... time to head home... Enjoy your weekend pple... Cheers

Starting to get a little more back on track

The week have been pretty good for me so far, since I worked on Sunday, decided to take Monday off and rest at home, and I literally rest, alright except for the fact i went to hougang gym and did a little workout. The rest of the day was pretty much slacked away for my mind to take a break.

Yesterday, started my day off at the physio, Jennifer (my doc) was one leave so this new girl took over. Can tell she is new from the way she talk and all. Gave me an assessment and taught me a few new moves. Kinda progress to the next stage, but I am not too sure as i haven't been doing what Jennifer have told me to do. Oh well, after that, went down to esplanade library to do some reading and kinda spends time before heading down for Muay Thai lessons in the evening. Got 2 new bruise on my forearm, this time around its from Alvin (my coach). Did some pad-work with him and I can tell he wasn't giving his 100%. I wonder how this guys train to be so strong and yet have the stamina to sustain... More work to be done den! Oh yah, something that kinda amazed me and disgust me at the same time happened before i went for class. Was "yum cha-ing" at this eatery at MS, and throughout my entire process there, the aunties from the shop are flirting with some customers, uncles alike, but wah I tell you, they sound damn er can... haiz... all old enough to be my parents and still going at it like they are back in the 60s... hahaha...

Lessons tonight, think will be heading to school earlier for gym training, before going for class. guess I might give my back a break and focus on my core muscles, and maybe my bum too, since i have been getting alot of comments saying that my ass is gone. hehez...

Why are you giving me the cold shoulders? Why am I so affected? i really donno. I thought I have sort things out... I really thought so... but I guess I was wrong...

Sorted Out....

Nothing beats a good gym session, at least for me... all the perspiration and adrenaline, as good as giving myself a good session of muay thai, which I would be doing tml.... During the breaks in between my sets and also in the shower, managed to sort things out and "de-vexed" myself...

My conclusion is that I have been too stress by all the pressure from work, studies, and everything else that even little things cause me too think into details, complicating simple things. I have now decide that Studies will be my top priority for the coming 2 years, followed by leading a healthy life and pushing myself to greater heights in terms of sports. As for social life (or love, relationships, etc), will take a back seat i suppose, and will see if it comes by then. Not going to rush into any, or hope for any... Making friends and knowing more people will be my aim for now.

Time really flew, without realizing it, Hungry Ghost Festival is already over, and Lantern Fest is coming up really soon. Nothing special thou, not that I have anyone to spent it with, or in any case, celebrate it, to begin with... hehez... Alright... feels good to have sort things out, dun wan to think too much, dun care, get my priorities set...

Remember words of wisdom from Jayson sometime ago, which kinda enlighten me and help me sort out my thinking. He told me "Be accepted for being who u are, and not for who they want you to be". I guess all this while, I have been trying too hard to please everyone in the best way that I can, trying to be "likable" by all. But well, certainly in life, you cannot be Mr. popular with everyone, and there is no use trying to be well liked by everyone, you are who u are. I am trying very hard to remind myself that all the time. That people should like me because of who I am, rather than I try to accommodate to others so as to get them to like me. Its just too tiring... From now, I live for myself, you don't like it... leave... if not... like me for who I am....

Thinking..... Thinking.... Vexed...

Woke up feeling really vexed. Or rather, my mind was up the entire night again, not cause by sugar rush today... But just alot to think about, about a conversation, some sentences said...

Why did u react in that way? why was there is strange feeling after that conversation? Why do I feel at fault in mentioning some things? Why am I so bothered about what I say? Did I say anything wrong? To me there is none, but somewhere within told me I did...

Haven't been so affected before, especially by a conversation. Am I taking the situation too lightly? or too seriously? Am I complicating a very simple issue, which might not even be an issue in the first place, or is it just my brains making up this issues and causing all this now...

My best solution for now I guess is avoidance, thou many a times I would advise my friends with problem to face up to the problem, but now I choose to avoid as I am not sure if its even a problem in the first place. Vexed.... what have I got myself into?... I wonder...

Busy Busy Busy...

I feel drained... more mentally then physically. I guess I challenged myself physically too often, so much so that I don't feel physically fatigue that easily. But its my mind that cannot handle that much stress. I need a vacation desperately.

Friday was suppose to go work, but ended up going to the beach with a Apel and Jovie as the sun was just too tempting... calling us out for a tan. True enough, the entire day was scorching, and I got abit toasted. After that, went shopping around with them at vivo. Tired after that, but still managed to meet up with Peili and Sherine for a drink at Alley Bar, one of my favorite hangout. Did a little chit chat before going home.

Saturday, hit the gym a little later, but still managed to do a little workout, with Serene before heading for class. After class, headed over to Kim Seng for band practice. After band prac, was still not ready to end of my sat, so got the the Cathey and watch No Reservation with Serene. Haha, its was a nice show i must say, Love Catherine Zeta Jones... After that, we went for a little rochor dao huay before heading back. Yummy, always love my dao huay.

But, all that sugar really got into me bad, had sugar rush the entire night, my body is resting but my mind was awake the entire time. Got up before my alarm sounded this morning and went for dragonboat training, after a very long break. Training was good, as next week was the race, so it wasn't as relax, always love the feeling of grasping for air after every set, and the sun was scorching today as well, making training more unbearable when it make contact with my burnt areas. Have to constantly water it. After training, spent the rest of the day in the office finishing up work that i was suppose to do on friday... haha. Can say my brain is dead at this moment.

Tml a new week... new challenges and alot of work awaits... time to buck up and take on the new challenges... JIA YOU X 3!!!

Can someone please tell me how to duplicate myself?

There is a saying... don't wear that big a hat when u don't have that big a head.... I guess that is what best descibe me now... I am wearing an oversized hat.... trying to stuff myself with more then I can handle.... worse of all, its is suppose to be enjoyable, and now it turns out to be a burden... let me explain...

Currently core routine (meaning things I will do despite anything else) is basically work and studies, work is mon and thurs, and studies is on wed and sat. Then, things starts piling up, tuesday I have my Muay Thai lesson, and sat after class i have Kim Seng practise. Other spare time I would used to train for whatever coming event (say for the next would be Run for Hope and New Balance Real Run). However, there is more, Lao shi (conductor from my NYP band) is offically retiring, and I would very much love to perform for that concert, but since my tues and sat is pretty much taken, I am left with thurs evening practise. Dragonboat, something I wan to take back for a very long time, and one of the vetern last race in nov... and i would love to do that... so the onli time i can make practise is sunday, definately not enough to train to standard... but really hope i can... that now the onli day I am left free would be friday, where i need to balance on studies and training.

Over pilled isn't it... so many things i wish to do... but if only there was more me... can be at more then one place at one time. That would be great... I wish... praying... someone tell me... how can i do it all..??? please.....

Monday: Day: Work, Evening: Free
Tuesday: Day: Free, Evening: Muay Thai
Wednesday: Day: Free, Evening: School
Thurday: Day: Work, Evening: Band (NYP)
Friday: Free so far
Sat: Day: School, Evening: Band (Kim Seng)
Sunday: Day: Dragonboat Evening: Free

So far its like that, free time is used usually for studies and training... please give me strenght..... end this entry with one of my all time favorite singer... enjoy

Recap

Last week was a busy but really fun week, busy, but really fun week. but with happiness came sorrow too...

After the passing of the officer for the run, another person under the age of 40 have died, and this time its closer to heart as I knew this person. His name, Sonny Leong, a flautist from Kim Seng Winds, someone that I met a weekend before his death, and I really didn't expect that would be the last time I will see him. Surprisingly, he was from NYP band, which I guess I have no idea since I only got in there in my year three. But all I remember during his last practise is that I played him a tuning note, the first note I played for him... and to think its now the last note, sad to be losing a talented player, but I am sure his music stays with all his friends. Its nice knowing u Sonny. FYI, he died peacefully in his sleep, suddenly, but peacefully...

Now back to last week, its been a busy week completing assignments for HRM, stupid internet went down on me at the time i need it most, so I had to complete my assignment in my office, lucky Cedric didn't mind. Apart from that is just alot of training, not sure whatever for, but it always feels good after a good workout... Been going back to my focus training, meaning focusing on particular group of muscles in each workout, and the post workouts aches get back to me is SHIOK lah... hehez... sadist? I dun think so, I take its as a good workout... hehez...

But with good workout, I also did alot of good food this weekend. Went for ma la guo with Herbert, last weekend, been having a craving and since i was near the area I jio-ed him to it. Good, not too spicy, and very very filling, took me hours to digest, haven't felt so full in a long time. Sat, had ding tai feng, more good food, yum yum, reward is always sweet after awhile...

Yesterday, spent the entire day at the beach, tanning, and despite passing shower, we still managed to look like lobsters when we leave the beach, its true that if company is good, nothing can really dampen ur spirit despite lousy weather. Went to the IT fair after, to scout for pricing for laptop, and realised its ain't that much cheaper neither. So forgo a hasty buy. Decide to think it over before purchase.

Lately, cash have been flowing out like a leaking tap man, and with all on my to buy list, I forsee myself eating bread till the end of the year... haha.... Here is a brief outline of things I planning to get.

1) Lappy aka Lap Top
2) Handphone (coz my current one battery is really CMI)
3) new pair of runners, probably NB (dun forsee my current acis [3 months old] is going to last me till Stand Chart run)
4) Digital watch to keep track of timing (Polar RS 200 prefered)

Just these 4 item alone is enough to used up everything i have been saving man. Argh, and kind sponsors, willing to donate to the "Ryan Needy Fund" hahaha...

Anyway, got to prepare for work already lah... gotta work to earn money, to get all I want!!! jia you jia you!!!! ciaoz...


Shall end my entry with a word of advise, Life is fragile, no one knows what is going to happen tml, so be sure to leave your life to the fullest everyday and with no regrets...

My condolences....

Read on today's newspaper about the captain that died on Sunday 21km run. Its a pity to lose yet another outstanding athlete. Not surprised that all his friend's and family was shocked by his passing, I would too if I knew him, who would expect a strong guy like that to just collapse and die. All this seems freaky, like Death Note (for those who watched the movie would know what I am talking about) really exist. All these death have inflicted a fear in me when running, I think before stepping on the acceleration, will have doubt if i should push myself to my limits. Its not that I fear death, but I have to consider the grief stage that my parents and friends have to go through if anything happens to me. I know how it feels like losing someone close, its worse den slicing a piece of meat off you, trust me.

Went to watch Evan Almighty with Herbert yesterday, funny show, but nevertheless learn quite abit from some of the conversations on the show. 2 particular sentence caught my attention and i would really love to share. First being "Changing the World by is simply doing one act of random kindness at a time" and "Prayers are asking god for an opportunity" Shall not go into details for the 2 sentence, you will know more about it when you watch the movie. Its pretty good.

Yay...tonight got Muay Thai training, something I look forward to every week, thou i get all bruised up after, but the feeling of relief and fatigue is always rewarding. Erm, guess thats is for today, nothing pretty much interesting to blog. Have been feeling uneasy for the past few days, have plenty to think about but cannot really put them into words... just assuming it school stress taking a toll on me, and leaving it at that for the moment. Alright then, shall leave it at that for now. will update again as soon as I can find the time. Cheers!!!

Singapore Bay Run

Just got back from the run awhile ago, it was good, and now I am feeling more of sleepy rather than tired. Legs are not sore, caught my breathing back almost immediately after crossing the finishing line, but this time didn't managed to catch where the camera was... so cannot cam whore. hehez...

5am, drag myself out of bed (went to bed at 1am as i prepared for the run), showered and forced 2 toast down my throat, usually have not much appetite in the morning, but its not good to run on empty stomach. After that, got a cab and picked up Jayson from his place before heading down. The place was already pretty packed when we got there... Thank god I didn't wear my army singlet, coz there were tonnes wearing it, as the event is also know as Army Half Marathon in the past, but due to overwhelming response to the event, they had to change the name to cater to the public. Deposited our bag, then headed off to the starting point at One Fullerton.

Running in the city is indeed a fun thing to do, especially when u get to run in the middle of the road not worry about getting knocked down by the cars. The views are fantastic, the air is alright considering it is a Sunday. However doing it alone and with thousands of people plays tricks on your brains. You tend to want to go faster, to pass people. So at some point of time, u feel more or less fatigue. But as I ran, and when I finally saw the finishing line, the feeling is good . Yet another event completed.

After the run, waiting for bag collection is a headache, but was much better compared to Mizuno Wave Run. After that me and a very hungry Jayson went to MS to hunt for food, and ended up having Carl's Junior, my first time having it. The salad is good, burger is good, everything is good, partly because I am hungry too I guess... didn't really care much, took it as a reward for my run. After that went down town, to register for the Run For Hope next month before heading home... and that pretty much is the end of my run. Hopefully my picture turn out fine. hehez...

Oh yah, just got news that a captain died from the run, collapse after passing the line. haiz... poor chap...

Alright then...thats all folk about my run... shall blog if there is something interesting then....

Health Tips: Never Run in with an empty stomach and know ur limits, its always great to exceed ur limit, but not at the expense of ur life....

No Progress...

Haiz... blogging in office before calling it a day. Yes close to 7, still in office, by far the latest I have stay here man in this new place. feel the need to settle all unfinished business before the week ends rather.

Yesterday, went to see the doc, my surgeon, he says my shoulder is doing good progress, and should be able to engage in my old sports (like dragonboat and muay thai) in another 1 and 1/2 months time. Today, went for physio hoping to get the same confirmation, ended in disappointment. "No Improvement on ur back muscles, still lack support", those were her words. DB or MT have to be determined on the progress of my next visit. One side my doc, the other side is my physio, who should I follow... I wonder.

Finally caught 881 yesterday with Apel, its nice for a local production, and I am sure the actors and actress had fun wearing all the costume man... think if i ever going to have a theme party, I would have a "881 theme party" lah... haha... Plot was ok, the songs are all power, brought back many wonderful memories of my childhood where I will get to play around all the getai. Got to wonder how they managed to find such fitting clothing for Qi Yu Wu thou...haiz.. Its ending brought some tears in my eyes thou, managed to not let them flow out. The scene where small papaya started losing hair is where got me the most. Reminded me of my sis, when she had her treatment. *sniff sniff* but thats in the past already...

Rather tired, having to stare at the com all day, I guess this is what spur me to take my current course anyway, not to be staring at the come all day in the future. hehez. Considering if I should go home and get change or just head down to town. Its neither here nor there now, and I am a walking fashion disaster. T-shirt, jeans and TRACK SHOES!!! damn old school, back in the days where I book out from camp man. haha. I cannot never carry out this look thou some of my fren can. HAHA. Have class tml, will likely be going to school earlier for a workout as usual. Trying to plan a trip to short trip up Phuket sometime mid sept, but see lah... chances of making it comes true seems slim hehez...

Alright lah... guess thats all I have for now, everyone have a great weekend. Time to lose more weight, and do something to my sickening face!!! hahaha Cheers!

End with a nice song from 881

Magazine Interview!!! woohoo...

This morning had an appointment with Men's Health magzine, was invited to be featured in the "Tummy Off Club" column. For those that doesn't know, that is the column featuring "success" stories of fat bastards (like myself) in terms of transformation of looks and physically. Was not sure if I made the cut thou, someone actually send my "story" in on my behalf (thank you whoever u are) and the people emailed me to arrange an appointment. Thought it was a prank initally, but realised its not when they ring me up to cfm the appointment.

So got to SPH at Genting lane this morning. Was first interviewed by Melvin, a very nice and friendly person, gave me a copy of this month's issue of men's health. Then after which was send for the photoshoot, which in my opinion was a disaster, nothing to do with the crew or anything, just me. Was asked to make a few Muay Thai poses, so I ended doing more knees coz its very traditional Muay Thai move. Being a cam whore that I am, I feel very uncomfortable not smiling infront of cameras, but the thing is fighting sports is suppose to be serious... so I ended up with only one look, which was pretty sadz. Hopefully they can do some editing to make it look better.

Having said that, I must say its an eye opener for me, felt so pampered for the short 2 hours, having people do my hair, my face and all. really felt like a celebrity for that moment. Not too sure which issue I will be featured yet thou. From my judgement, it should be the October issues since its already mid this month, Sept issue should be about completion. Will keep updated den.... Pray hard the pic turn out alright.... haiz...

Brand New Week

Been starting off the day with very sudden wake, not on purpose, but seems like my biological clock have been tempered with. But at least I do not wake up feeling tired and lethargic.

Now for the week to come, this week is pretty much packed to the brim, except today I am free the rest of the day are already planned I supposed. Realized that its been a month since I started studying, time really flies but lucky things aren't as bad as I thought, at least my brain is starting to open up to accepting new ideas and learning new things. Having said that, I feel I am lacking behind in terms of personal revision, can't put the blame of others as its pretty much personal effort, guess I have to sort out my thinking and really get myself back on track before its too late.

My class is slowly opening up, getting to know more and more people in class, and glad that there is no "politics" (so far at least) hehez... Been getting alot of feedback from my new friends, not intentionally, but just passing a comment about me, which after some thought made me realise many things. Realised that I have been very committed to workouts, thou I personally feel that I have slacked off quite abit in my fitness, many people that just got to know me thinks likewise, and I concluded thats the reason people labelled me gay, not for the fact that I work out alot, just that my interests is more on workout comparing to girls as seen to many. Time to reflect on that. Thats just one example.

Packed packed week, but looking forward to everyday! nothing left.... will update again soon... great week ahead!!!

Lousy Sunday!!!

Today is such a bad day, got up early in the morning, thinking of making it for a paddle, rush there in a cab thinking I was going to be late, end up only me , John, Angelina and Leslie turned up. So it was called off. Sianz... Ended up getting my Muay Thai shorts at Golden Mile before coming home. Thought of head out for a tan instead but the sky turned grey after... ARGH!!!

Now with regards to my week, erm... must say its been a pretty fruitful week, thou not in terms of fitness, but been meeting up with many friends, so kinda good too. My financially depleting also lah, so hafta tighten the belt abit for the coming weeks, concentrate more on training. So many things to get, my phone is giving me problem, I need a watch, looking at a POLAR RS200, and an Ipod, these 3 item will be close to 1000 bucks already lah... haiz... who wanna sponsor me?

Yesterday was out with my gang, to a Japanese place at MS, food is nice, twice i been there, twice they did not disappoint, would go back there again. After that, went singing with my regular gang, was pretty enthu about it... but slowly lost the mood... donno why. But it was still a very enjoyable night.

Coming week, alot of check ups and appointments. week's schedule is almost packed. Got some assignments to settle too. Woohoo 15 weeks and counting to standard chartered.

Health Tips: Eat everything in moderation, no point abstaining and eat more later... know your limit!!!

Please don't judge me....

As much as I want to blog about the happy times I had today with my flute section at Sentosa,My mood have been pretty affected lately by a series of events that constantly surround one topic. Which is GAY!

I have to make myself clear, I have nothing against gays, and I respect the fact that everyone have the privilage to what they want in life. With that said, you guys must be wondering who that guy is... For your information, that was me, some years back. Don't be taken aback, but yes thats me. I do not deny that there have been some transformation from the me then and the me now. Apart from my appearance, I can feel the change in my character, attitude, and confidence.

However, recent events have been really troubling me, to which aspect in they way I lead my life is misleading people to misinterpret my gender preference, aka that I am Gay. First thing I consider is they way I dress, my dress sense, often (from the feedback I got) is one factor. But I must say I find nothing wrong with the way I dress. I lived my entire life envying other people on they way they dress, how they compliment the clothes, I used to look at them and look myself in the mirror thinking if I would ever wear clothes like theirs. Now that I am finally reaping the fruits to my "success", yet people classify me as being Gay. Another point that I dress the way I dress, is to prove to everyone out there that there is still guys in Singapore that bothers to dress up, and not the typical singlet, berms and slippers that everyone claim. Singapore still have guys that have fashion sense, and the trend is picking up, so I am just the minority (for now) that makes effort to look more presentable in the public, and what do i get back, perceptions that I am Gay... No logic...

Another issue that lead to many people thinking I am gay, is for that fact that I am still single at 23. I mean, yes being single all my live do get me thinking "whats wrong with me?" at times. My logical explaination I suppose is my upbringing and the environment that I was brought up in. For majority of my education years, I have been in a pure boys school, and since school was so close to home, there wasn't any real chance for me to know people outside from class. My only interaction with the "real world" was when I first stepped into poly. My main goal was to just open up and be friendly to everyone, and of course open up to the opposite sex. That was kinda my way of working with things ever since, making and getting to know more friends. From there, I am not sure if I was getting a phobia of talking to guys already since I have been doing so for the last 10 years, I seem to click better with girls then with guys. Last time seems like and act of "chee hong-ism" (meaning buaya in malay terms) but nowadays is seems like people associate it with "gayism"

That is currently the 2 reasons that comes to my mind as to why people from all walks of life have the impression I am gay. Let me make it straight once and for all, I AM STRAIGHT! and I will not be bothered to go all out to prove that I am, coz I really don't see the need to. I am clarifying myself for the simple fact that all this unneccessary comments are FUCKING my life up. It hurts to know that people I thought have faith in me thinks otherwise. Feels a deep sense of betrayal. Dressing well do not make one gay, isn't it only fair to pamper myself after all the hardwork I have put in? Showing off the result from all the many hours of run, gym session, all my blood, sweat and tears. Whats wrong with being 23 and still being single, why am I gay just because I have been single all my life. What make you think I never thought of going into a relationship? everytime a Vday past, I will always say to myself maybe I will not be alone for the next. things like that I am sure nobody knows. I do wan to get into a relationship, but its easier said then done, and just as my confidence is starting to pick up, shit like this happens, shattering everything I have build... Now that I wan to get into a relationship, I worry if people thinks I am using this as a cover-up to my "real identity". Yes u guys must be laughing and think I am being to senstive, but I am not, as I have experience such things before... so I know...

When will such status be taken away from me I don't know, all I know is I am hurt... and its painful... but I will not go down without a fight... so BRING IT ON!!! I will be waiting for what uglier things there is... I will fight to my every last breath if I have to... I need to.......

Post NDP...

Happy 42nd Birthday Singapore!~!~!~ know I am a day late, but well the nation did indeed have a good great birthday. Looking at the parade segment reminds me of my participation 2 years ago when Singapore was 40, time really flies...

Shall start on pre NDP, wednesday, had to work due to NDP being on thurs, thus spoiled my plan of going to the gym before class. Took wednesday off then. After work headed to class. Kinda slowly blending into my class culture and environment already, and kinda start filtering already. Know its mean to be doing so, but well it uni no matter what. Got to know a new classmate Serene better. Very out-spoken and cheerful girl, but the thing is she have an impression that I AM GAY!!! OMG... haha but well everything is made clear now, I hope. After class met up with the guys for a movie at the cathey. While waiting for them, we walked around cathey looking at some of the new shop that open there. Some of the designs of their things are not bad i must say. Watch "Rush Hour 3", plot was very predictable, but Chris Tucker never fail to make me laugh till my guts hurt. Not forgetting Jackie, thou aged but still as agile as every, not considering the speed lah.. heez... After that went for supper at Wendy's hut, good food, sinful food... stayed there till 3am plus before retiring home.

National Day itself, went for a good workout in the gym, to compensate wednesday session missed. Spent a good 2 hours working out. A girl in the gym did 15 chin ups, guy style, its damn power lah, great upper body strenght, no doubt got everyone's attention, including mine. RESPECT. After that, spent the rest of the day at home. Caught "Shutters", its scary lah, talking about picture and photo taking. But that is not enough to stop me cam whoring thats for sure... haha.. Later in the evening, met Jac for a drink at Grapevine, chit chat the evening away. As the place was closing, we settled down at my place for awhile before she gone home. Its good to just chit chat once in awhile, helps one unwind in one way or another. Got home, took a shower, slept at 4ish.

Today, had to the pool for my routine swim, partly feeling guilty for the drinks and finger food i had the evening before. Will be doing some reading up about class for tml, and joining herbert for a light jog in the evening i suppose. Tml will be a long day i forsee, going earlier to school for a little workout and group discussion. After which would be class, then heading down to PS to catch whatever match that is left for the Muay Thai Competition. woo hoo, Sunday is outing with Adeline and gang, hopefully everything runs smoothly!!! Alright then, thats all for my plans... school is getting harder to cope, but well I guess I can manage lah... wish me luck... cheers!!!

Tired but contented.... Yawnz....

Today is mid week and yet I already can't wait for the weekends to come by... Don't get me wrong, its in a good way since my week have been going so well, kinda excited to see is coming up next. After last weeks ordeal with my parents, would say everyone is now in a "polite" stage of life. Haven't really got to see my dad thou, for the fact that he is off to work before i wakes up and by the time i get home everyday, he is already asleep. Can't really blame me for not having a topic with him, or rather act like complete strangers at home lah, I suppose.

Enough on that matter, trying my best not to think about it, I know avoidance is not the best solution to problems, but when there is no solution to the problem to begin with, then avoidance is the best resort. Lets do a recap of the past 2 days. Monday, went for a swim to loosen up on my leg muscles after that long run on sunday. Then head of to work, work was a pretty short day I must say. So since I had a short day, I was pretty early from my movie plans with a friend. A new classmate from school to be precise, met her for the first time. For the fact that we actually clique off well kinda suprised me, so glad the day didn't turn out to be a Q&A session. But the day was not all well thou, after the movie as we were leaving from the theatre, we were so engrossed in our conversation that my friend tripped over a pit in the middle of the walkway and sprained her ankle, felt terrible that such terrible things have happened, currently in the process of settling the matter with HDB hub and Cathay, hopefully they give me a good explaination to why was there a stupid hole in the middle of a walkway, not cover whatsoever, and being a cemented floor, the visiblity of the hole was even worse. Argh, pissed even thinking about it. Lucky my friend was still able to walk with a little assistance. Ended up having dinner at Pepperlunch, food there is not bad, first time there and I like it. The rest of the evening we spent chit chatting in there, till we were the last 2 customer left. Haha, chat about everything under that sun lah... Accompanied her back to her place in a cab, before returning home, no way I was going to let her home alone with that kinda injury. That pretty much ends of my monday, fun but not perfect due to the fall.

Yesterday, nothing much happening in the day, but yesterday Muay Thai training was superb, felt like i am back to my before operation day, with consideration for my right shoulder thou. But that is after a very long time I used so much strength and panting after the session. Probably because I had Alvin to do pad work with me, as the rest of the season fighters are resting for their fight on Sat. All the best guys!!! my left thigh is aching after being "human pad" for one younger fighter to practise his kick.. hahah but the pain is "enjoyable" hehez... had applied some oilment when I got home.

Today, felt the effects from yesterday's training, legs are aching (especially my left), my back and shoulders are too. This feeling is GREAT LAH!!! haha... must be thinking I am sadist and like pain, but trust me, this kinda pain is different from the rest, its call "accomplishment pain" (invented by ryan koh =p) yes, its tiring, but just have to rest awhile and everything will be alright. Haven't felt this pain in awhile, guess i haven't been pushing myself hard enough in training till yesterday, haha good good good... a new level. Going to class later in the evening thou, so kinda regret putting in so much yesterday. Now I am not sure if i will snooze in class later, lolx, hopefully not coz HRM have been alot of issues for me. But still trying to adapt lah.. at least my brain is starting to work again...

Alright lah, just blogging in the mids of my work. going back to it, hopefully can finish it soon and return home already... Cheers pple

Pushing myself

I have finally did it, after much thought and motivation, I will be doing the full Standard Chartered Marathon. Something I have never done in my life, never thought of doing ever last time. Training starts from this week 115 days and counting.

I didn't make this decision just on the spot. I reassured myself after i push myself to the limits yesterday. Decided to go for a run along the NEL route. So the inital plan was furthest to Doby Ghaut Station so I started running. Potong Pasir, Boon Keng, Farrer Park, then avoid Little India and too the Sim Lim route, not to be racist, just that its a sunday and the place is packed. then reached SMU. Still felt really energetic, as a matter of fact, I was just getting warmed up, so next destination, Esplande. As soon as I ran to the bridge, I start to feel even better, so thinking how far I can push myself, I aimed Vivocity, harbourfront, the final stop of NEL line. Run run run, not too sure about whether I am on the right track, check at the bus stop for a familar, continued till i see the familiar lights from Vivo. I MADE IT, from seragoon to vivocity, when to grab a drink and some bananas and rest at the roof for awhile doing some light stretching, and strangely my legs didn't feel strained at all, ok, maybe a little.

After that took a train to Outram, and from there run to CHIJMES to meet up with Navin and Herbert to catch the match between Chelsea and Man U, and off course Man U won (woohoo!~!~) through a superb penalty shootout (3-0 to Man u) After that head for some supper, a place recommended by navin serving superb food. must go there again, before heading home, that was when the latic acid really started acting from the legs... so after hydrating myself, i called it a night. Tired but achieved alot.

So today first thing in I did when I entered the office was to register for standard chartered marathon so as to not allow myself to procrasitnate anymore. Time to bring my body to a whole new level. Time to fulfil my dream and cast my old self into the shadows, something I am sure I will not want to go back and will not allow it to happen. Shoo old Ryan, a new Ryan is born!!! wish me luck people... I will do the best I can! Please support me.... here is a rough idea to the list of events I will likely be participate/ or have already registered and some that i had participated this half of the year.

July:
Passion Run 2007 (10km) [DONE]
Run for Hope (charity run) (31 rounds around track = 12.4km) [DONE]
Mizuno Run (10km) [DONE]

August
Singapore Bay Run (12km)

Sept
Run for Hope (Cancer charity run) (8km)

Oct
New balance real run (15km)

Nov
Swisshotel Vertical Marathon (TBC) (73 Storey)

Dec
Standard Chartered Marathon (42.195km)

Enough is enough... haiz

Didn't think it would ever come to this day, a sucky way to start of a beautiful weekend, and all due to some ridiculous nonsensical subject. So ridiculous that even I feel ashamed saying it. Just fucking annoying...

It the topic about "gayhood" again. Yes, my friends make fun of me with it, saying I am gay and all, but I took the situation lightly cause everyone needs a little laugh in their life and at time, if being called gay or doing a little "girly" gesture can earn some worthy smiles or laughter from my fren, I don't mind being the clown at times. But now to the point that even my parents think so... its fucked up lah! Back then when my mum told me dad was worried that I might turn gay due to not having a girlfriend at my age. I found it totally hiliarious, so did my mum to be honest. But yesterday, the table took a turn as finally everything was made clear to me.

Why can't I have some private space, why must I report everything that I do, where I have been, who am I out with? am I some kinda criminal? I am 22 going on 23 for god sake. Everyone needs some private space. Yes, I know I am love and you guys are just "protective" over me, but do you all know these so called "love" is actually a heavy burden on my end. After my sister's passing many years ago, I was force to grown up and I dare say, have been leading a very compromising life ever since. All that for just one simple reason, "I am the only one left". But the least I can ask from you guys, my parents, is a little faith. Yes, in every parents eyes, their kids will always be a kid. But you guys will still have to accept the fact that kids grow up and you cannot treat them like they are when they are in secondary school, or even younger! I was very disappointed to hear those words coming from their mouth, my own parents. Showing no faith in the things I do whatsoever. I really run out of ideas on what to do, I am sick and tired of the life that I have to prove myself all the time.

My dad say he worries were not made with no facts, claims he has been "observing" me, and say it seems to him that "I have no interest in girls". I really have no idea where he based his observations to be honest. For the fact that I always hung around my guy friends like Herbert and gang, or for the fact that we don't even communicate at home. We don't have a family problem, if you were wondering, just that I am not out-spoken, since young, and my dad is no talkative person either. So he claims we don't talk at home, when he is in the living room, I will be in my room using the computer, and if he is in his room, I will be out in the living room. To be honest, I don't do that on purpose, just that I found 2 person staring at a TV with nothing to talk very awkward, and for the fact I cannot channel surf as another person is watching kinda make it boring for me, so I will go do something more useful. Is that wrong? I am still very curious on what basis made my father thinks that way. During his time, yes he is a playboy, but does that neccessary make me a playboy as well? How can I put that across to him? During his time, he changes cars every month, he was rich, but TIMES HAVE CHANGE! I here on the otherhand is taking public transport, not that I have any complains off, just to emphasis that time have changed. How can I make them see that? How can I "modernise" them just that little bit.

What made things worse, my mum, who I feel have more faith with me then my dad, was also suspicious of me, which kinda dragged me down ALL THE WAY!!! She is also being racist with my company, using again, "past experience" she hear from others as an excuse for her racism. How can she be so judgemental even before knowing my friends? Where have all the teachings of "Never judge a book by it cover" gone?

For those who read this and is laughing, I don't blame you, yes thats how "cute" my family is, worries about their son turning GAY, believe it or not, i am laughing to myself thinking about it too, just that my heart bleeds from within... Need company to talk to... Need drinking kaki (don't usually do this, as in drinking to sorrows, but extreme times call for extreme measures), need some fresh air... and A LITTLE MORE FAITH... am I demanding for too much? I wonder...

Sun is back!!! Yippie

After an entire week of wet wet weather, I finally saw the sun on Monday!!! haha thou rainy day is very nice to sleep in as many would love. But for me, I kinda dread gloomy weather, cause it really does affect my mood.

Anyway, just these three days, apart from revision on my modules (something rare) did quite abit of sports, pretty determind to shed off my excess tire, but my diet is still crap. By hook or by crook have to see improvement by 21 Aug. More determined when a date is set.

Still considering over Standard Chartered Marathon, slightly more then 100 days from it. Not sure if my legs can go the entire distance. Would be a good way to hit 23 thats for sure. Someone please guide me along...

Ran on Sunday, to amk hub and back from home, met Peili on the way back, she ask me to join her for a run, she needed it, so I did, before running home. Monday and today was swimming except today I had Muay thai lessons in the evening. Todays lessons was pretty intense, but judging from them number of FIT pple in class now, and competitions coming, Alvin (coach) brought things up a notch (or 2). Kinda injuried my elbow... donno how, but there is a sharp pain when I did push-up just now... so kinda opt out of it... guess it will take awhile for it to recovery lah. meanwhile will do running and cardio ba. Stuck at 76 kg... need to lose 5 to 6kg!!! someone teach me how!!!

Lesson tml, gonna do some light reading before the lecture, Nitez!!!

BE GONE WET AND COLD WEATHER!!!

Its been raining this past few days, I can' remember the last time I felt the warmth of the sun, not to mention, wonders if the sun ever existed. No doubt I enjoy this cooling weather, but enough is enough man... haiz... can Mr. Sun please come back already.

Wednesday had my first day of class in MDIS, on a module call Human Resourse Management or HRM in short. I must say my brain have strunk alot from army and not having touch any topic that specific for awhile... Must say I have some problem understanding or absorbing the lecture. But overall, first day was rather enjoying, seeing new faces, hoping i will know more about my classmate, learning once again. Here is a photo of my class, or rather my cohort rather, that attended the orientation. Most of my current classmate was not there and the bulk of the pple there is actually full time student.

When will i see the sun again... please come back soon....