Please don't judge me....

As much as I want to blog about the happy times I had today with my flute section at Sentosa,My mood have been pretty affected lately by a series of events that constantly surround one topic. Which is GAY!

I have to make myself clear, I have nothing against gays, and I respect the fact that everyone have the privilage to what they want in life. With that said, you guys must be wondering who that guy is... For your information, that was me, some years back. Don't be taken aback, but yes thats me. I do not deny that there have been some transformation from the me then and the me now. Apart from my appearance, I can feel the change in my character, attitude, and confidence.

However, recent events have been really troubling me, to which aspect in they way I lead my life is misleading people to misinterpret my gender preference, aka that I am Gay. First thing I consider is they way I dress, my dress sense, often (from the feedback I got) is one factor. But I must say I find nothing wrong with the way I dress. I lived my entire life envying other people on they way they dress, how they compliment the clothes, I used to look at them and look myself in the mirror thinking if I would ever wear clothes like theirs. Now that I am finally reaping the fruits to my "success", yet people classify me as being Gay. Another point that I dress the way I dress, is to prove to everyone out there that there is still guys in Singapore that bothers to dress up, and not the typical singlet, berms and slippers that everyone claim. Singapore still have guys that have fashion sense, and the trend is picking up, so I am just the minority (for now) that makes effort to look more presentable in the public, and what do i get back, perceptions that I am Gay... No logic...

Another issue that lead to many people thinking I am gay, is for that fact that I am still single at 23. I mean, yes being single all my live do get me thinking "whats wrong with me?" at times. My logical explaination I suppose is my upbringing and the environment that I was brought up in. For majority of my education years, I have been in a pure boys school, and since school was so close to home, there wasn't any real chance for me to know people outside from class. My only interaction with the "real world" was when I first stepped into poly. My main goal was to just open up and be friendly to everyone, and of course open up to the opposite sex. That was kinda my way of working with things ever since, making and getting to know more friends. From there, I am not sure if I was getting a phobia of talking to guys already since I have been doing so for the last 10 years, I seem to click better with girls then with guys. Last time seems like and act of "chee hong-ism" (meaning buaya in malay terms) but nowadays is seems like people associate it with "gayism"

That is currently the 2 reasons that comes to my mind as to why people from all walks of life have the impression I am gay. Let me make it straight once and for all, I AM STRAIGHT! and I will not be bothered to go all out to prove that I am, coz I really don't see the need to. I am clarifying myself for the simple fact that all this unneccessary comments are FUCKING my life up. It hurts to know that people I thought have faith in me thinks otherwise. Feels a deep sense of betrayal. Dressing well do not make one gay, isn't it only fair to pamper myself after all the hardwork I have put in? Showing off the result from all the many hours of run, gym session, all my blood, sweat and tears. Whats wrong with being 23 and still being single, why am I gay just because I have been single all my life. What make you think I never thought of going into a relationship? everytime a Vday past, I will always say to myself maybe I will not be alone for the next. things like that I am sure nobody knows. I do wan to get into a relationship, but its easier said then done, and just as my confidence is starting to pick up, shit like this happens, shattering everything I have build... Now that I wan to get into a relationship, I worry if people thinks I am using this as a cover-up to my "real identity". Yes u guys must be laughing and think I am being to senstive, but I am not, as I have experience such things before... so I know...

When will such status be taken away from me I don't know, all I know is I am hurt... and its painful... but I will not go down without a fight... so BRING IT ON!!! I will be waiting for what uglier things there is... I will fight to my every last breath if I have to... I need to.......

Post NDP...

Happy 42nd Birthday Singapore!~!~!~ know I am a day late, but well the nation did indeed have a good great birthday. Looking at the parade segment reminds me of my participation 2 years ago when Singapore was 40, time really flies...

Shall start on pre NDP, wednesday, had to work due to NDP being on thurs, thus spoiled my plan of going to the gym before class. Took wednesday off then. After work headed to class. Kinda slowly blending into my class culture and environment already, and kinda start filtering already. Know its mean to be doing so, but well it uni no matter what. Got to know a new classmate Serene better. Very out-spoken and cheerful girl, but the thing is she have an impression that I AM GAY!!! OMG... haha but well everything is made clear now, I hope. After class met up with the guys for a movie at the cathey. While waiting for them, we walked around cathey looking at some of the new shop that open there. Some of the designs of their things are not bad i must say. Watch "Rush Hour 3", plot was very predictable, but Chris Tucker never fail to make me laugh till my guts hurt. Not forgetting Jackie, thou aged but still as agile as every, not considering the speed lah.. heez... After that went for supper at Wendy's hut, good food, sinful food... stayed there till 3am plus before retiring home.

National Day itself, went for a good workout in the gym, to compensate wednesday session missed. Spent a good 2 hours working out. A girl in the gym did 15 chin ups, guy style, its damn power lah, great upper body strenght, no doubt got everyone's attention, including mine. RESPECT. After that, spent the rest of the day at home. Caught "Shutters", its scary lah, talking about picture and photo taking. But that is not enough to stop me cam whoring thats for sure... haha.. Later in the evening, met Jac for a drink at Grapevine, chit chat the evening away. As the place was closing, we settled down at my place for awhile before she gone home. Its good to just chit chat once in awhile, helps one unwind in one way or another. Got home, took a shower, slept at 4ish.

Today, had to the pool for my routine swim, partly feeling guilty for the drinks and finger food i had the evening before. Will be doing some reading up about class for tml, and joining herbert for a light jog in the evening i suppose. Tml will be a long day i forsee, going earlier to school for a little workout and group discussion. After which would be class, then heading down to PS to catch whatever match that is left for the Muay Thai Competition. woo hoo, Sunday is outing with Adeline and gang, hopefully everything runs smoothly!!! Alright then, thats all for my plans... school is getting harder to cope, but well I guess I can manage lah... wish me luck... cheers!!!

Tired but contented.... Yawnz....

Today is mid week and yet I already can't wait for the weekends to come by... Don't get me wrong, its in a good way since my week have been going so well, kinda excited to see is coming up next. After last weeks ordeal with my parents, would say everyone is now in a "polite" stage of life. Haven't really got to see my dad thou, for the fact that he is off to work before i wakes up and by the time i get home everyday, he is already asleep. Can't really blame me for not having a topic with him, or rather act like complete strangers at home lah, I suppose.

Enough on that matter, trying my best not to think about it, I know avoidance is not the best solution to problems, but when there is no solution to the problem to begin with, then avoidance is the best resort. Lets do a recap of the past 2 days. Monday, went for a swim to loosen up on my leg muscles after that long run on sunday. Then head of to work, work was a pretty short day I must say. So since I had a short day, I was pretty early from my movie plans with a friend. A new classmate from school to be precise, met her for the first time. For the fact that we actually clique off well kinda suprised me, so glad the day didn't turn out to be a Q&A session. But the day was not all well thou, after the movie as we were leaving from the theatre, we were so engrossed in our conversation that my friend tripped over a pit in the middle of the walkway and sprained her ankle, felt terrible that such terrible things have happened, currently in the process of settling the matter with HDB hub and Cathay, hopefully they give me a good explaination to why was there a stupid hole in the middle of a walkway, not cover whatsoever, and being a cemented floor, the visiblity of the hole was even worse. Argh, pissed even thinking about it. Lucky my friend was still able to walk with a little assistance. Ended up having dinner at Pepperlunch, food there is not bad, first time there and I like it. The rest of the evening we spent chit chatting in there, till we were the last 2 customer left. Haha, chat about everything under that sun lah... Accompanied her back to her place in a cab, before returning home, no way I was going to let her home alone with that kinda injury. That pretty much ends of my monday, fun but not perfect due to the fall.

Yesterday, nothing much happening in the day, but yesterday Muay Thai training was superb, felt like i am back to my before operation day, with consideration for my right shoulder thou. But that is after a very long time I used so much strength and panting after the session. Probably because I had Alvin to do pad work with me, as the rest of the season fighters are resting for their fight on Sat. All the best guys!!! my left thigh is aching after being "human pad" for one younger fighter to practise his kick.. hahah but the pain is "enjoyable" hehez... had applied some oilment when I got home.

Today, felt the effects from yesterday's training, legs are aching (especially my left), my back and shoulders are too. This feeling is GREAT LAH!!! haha... must be thinking I am sadist and like pain, but trust me, this kinda pain is different from the rest, its call "accomplishment pain" (invented by ryan koh =p) yes, its tiring, but just have to rest awhile and everything will be alright. Haven't felt this pain in awhile, guess i haven't been pushing myself hard enough in training till yesterday, haha good good good... a new level. Going to class later in the evening thou, so kinda regret putting in so much yesterday. Now I am not sure if i will snooze in class later, lolx, hopefully not coz HRM have been alot of issues for me. But still trying to adapt lah.. at least my brain is starting to work again...

Alright lah, just blogging in the mids of my work. going back to it, hopefully can finish it soon and return home already... Cheers pple

Pushing myself

I have finally did it, after much thought and motivation, I will be doing the full Standard Chartered Marathon. Something I have never done in my life, never thought of doing ever last time. Training starts from this week 115 days and counting.

I didn't make this decision just on the spot. I reassured myself after i push myself to the limits yesterday. Decided to go for a run along the NEL route. So the inital plan was furthest to Doby Ghaut Station so I started running. Potong Pasir, Boon Keng, Farrer Park, then avoid Little India and too the Sim Lim route, not to be racist, just that its a sunday and the place is packed. then reached SMU. Still felt really energetic, as a matter of fact, I was just getting warmed up, so next destination, Esplande. As soon as I ran to the bridge, I start to feel even better, so thinking how far I can push myself, I aimed Vivocity, harbourfront, the final stop of NEL line. Run run run, not too sure about whether I am on the right track, check at the bus stop for a familar, continued till i see the familiar lights from Vivo. I MADE IT, from seragoon to vivocity, when to grab a drink and some bananas and rest at the roof for awhile doing some light stretching, and strangely my legs didn't feel strained at all, ok, maybe a little.

After that took a train to Outram, and from there run to CHIJMES to meet up with Navin and Herbert to catch the match between Chelsea and Man U, and off course Man U won (woohoo!~!~) through a superb penalty shootout (3-0 to Man u) After that head for some supper, a place recommended by navin serving superb food. must go there again, before heading home, that was when the latic acid really started acting from the legs... so after hydrating myself, i called it a night. Tired but achieved alot.

So today first thing in I did when I entered the office was to register for standard chartered marathon so as to not allow myself to procrasitnate anymore. Time to bring my body to a whole new level. Time to fulfil my dream and cast my old self into the shadows, something I am sure I will not want to go back and will not allow it to happen. Shoo old Ryan, a new Ryan is born!!! wish me luck people... I will do the best I can! Please support me.... here is a rough idea to the list of events I will likely be participate/ or have already registered and some that i had participated this half of the year.

July:
Passion Run 2007 (10km) [DONE]
Run for Hope (charity run) (31 rounds around track = 12.4km) [DONE]
Mizuno Run (10km) [DONE]

August
Singapore Bay Run (12km)

Sept
Run for Hope (Cancer charity run) (8km)

Oct
New balance real run (15km)

Nov
Swisshotel Vertical Marathon (TBC) (73 Storey)

Dec
Standard Chartered Marathon (42.195km)

Enough is enough... haiz

Didn't think it would ever come to this day, a sucky way to start of a beautiful weekend, and all due to some ridiculous nonsensical subject. So ridiculous that even I feel ashamed saying it. Just fucking annoying...

It the topic about "gayhood" again. Yes, my friends make fun of me with it, saying I am gay and all, but I took the situation lightly cause everyone needs a little laugh in their life and at time, if being called gay or doing a little "girly" gesture can earn some worthy smiles or laughter from my fren, I don't mind being the clown at times. But now to the point that even my parents think so... its fucked up lah! Back then when my mum told me dad was worried that I might turn gay due to not having a girlfriend at my age. I found it totally hiliarious, so did my mum to be honest. But yesterday, the table took a turn as finally everything was made clear to me.

Why can't I have some private space, why must I report everything that I do, where I have been, who am I out with? am I some kinda criminal? I am 22 going on 23 for god sake. Everyone needs some private space. Yes, I know I am love and you guys are just "protective" over me, but do you all know these so called "love" is actually a heavy burden on my end. After my sister's passing many years ago, I was force to grown up and I dare say, have been leading a very compromising life ever since. All that for just one simple reason, "I am the only one left". But the least I can ask from you guys, my parents, is a little faith. Yes, in every parents eyes, their kids will always be a kid. But you guys will still have to accept the fact that kids grow up and you cannot treat them like they are when they are in secondary school, or even younger! I was very disappointed to hear those words coming from their mouth, my own parents. Showing no faith in the things I do whatsoever. I really run out of ideas on what to do, I am sick and tired of the life that I have to prove myself all the time.

My dad say he worries were not made with no facts, claims he has been "observing" me, and say it seems to him that "I have no interest in girls". I really have no idea where he based his observations to be honest. For the fact that I always hung around my guy friends like Herbert and gang, or for the fact that we don't even communicate at home. We don't have a family problem, if you were wondering, just that I am not out-spoken, since young, and my dad is no talkative person either. So he claims we don't talk at home, when he is in the living room, I will be in my room using the computer, and if he is in his room, I will be out in the living room. To be honest, I don't do that on purpose, just that I found 2 person staring at a TV with nothing to talk very awkward, and for the fact I cannot channel surf as another person is watching kinda make it boring for me, so I will go do something more useful. Is that wrong? I am still very curious on what basis made my father thinks that way. During his time, yes he is a playboy, but does that neccessary make me a playboy as well? How can I put that across to him? During his time, he changes cars every month, he was rich, but TIMES HAVE CHANGE! I here on the otherhand is taking public transport, not that I have any complains off, just to emphasis that time have changed. How can I make them see that? How can I "modernise" them just that little bit.

What made things worse, my mum, who I feel have more faith with me then my dad, was also suspicious of me, which kinda dragged me down ALL THE WAY!!! She is also being racist with my company, using again, "past experience" she hear from others as an excuse for her racism. How can she be so judgemental even before knowing my friends? Where have all the teachings of "Never judge a book by it cover" gone?

For those who read this and is laughing, I don't blame you, yes thats how "cute" my family is, worries about their son turning GAY, believe it or not, i am laughing to myself thinking about it too, just that my heart bleeds from within... Need company to talk to... Need drinking kaki (don't usually do this, as in drinking to sorrows, but extreme times call for extreme measures), need some fresh air... and A LITTLE MORE FAITH... am I demanding for too much? I wonder...

Sun is back!!! Yippie

After an entire week of wet wet weather, I finally saw the sun on Monday!!! haha thou rainy day is very nice to sleep in as many would love. But for me, I kinda dread gloomy weather, cause it really does affect my mood.

Anyway, just these three days, apart from revision on my modules (something rare) did quite abit of sports, pretty determind to shed off my excess tire, but my diet is still crap. By hook or by crook have to see improvement by 21 Aug. More determined when a date is set.

Still considering over Standard Chartered Marathon, slightly more then 100 days from it. Not sure if my legs can go the entire distance. Would be a good way to hit 23 thats for sure. Someone please guide me along...

Ran on Sunday, to amk hub and back from home, met Peili on the way back, she ask me to join her for a run, she needed it, so I did, before running home. Monday and today was swimming except today I had Muay thai lessons in the evening. Todays lessons was pretty intense, but judging from them number of FIT pple in class now, and competitions coming, Alvin (coach) brought things up a notch (or 2). Kinda injuried my elbow... donno how, but there is a sharp pain when I did push-up just now... so kinda opt out of it... guess it will take awhile for it to recovery lah. meanwhile will do running and cardio ba. Stuck at 76 kg... need to lose 5 to 6kg!!! someone teach me how!!!

Lesson tml, gonna do some light reading before the lecture, Nitez!!!

BE GONE WET AND COLD WEATHER!!!

Its been raining this past few days, I can' remember the last time I felt the warmth of the sun, not to mention, wonders if the sun ever existed. No doubt I enjoy this cooling weather, but enough is enough man... haiz... can Mr. Sun please come back already.

Wednesday had my first day of class in MDIS, on a module call Human Resourse Management or HRM in short. I must say my brain have strunk alot from army and not having touch any topic that specific for awhile... Must say I have some problem understanding or absorbing the lecture. But overall, first day was rather enjoying, seeing new faces, hoping i will know more about my classmate, learning once again. Here is a photo of my class, or rather my cohort rather, that attended the orientation. Most of my current classmate was not there and the bulk of the pple there is actually full time student.

When will i see the sun again... please come back soon....

Fine but wet and cold week so far...

Yes, I am complaining that its cold, for someone that can wear berms and sleeveless top and be out in tempretures like 7 degrees having ice cream last time. Its rare... haha, but still a good sign that I have part some of my natural insulator. lets just do a recap from sunday shall we...

Sunday morning, woke up at 5.30 am to a raining weather, spirit was kinda dampen, firstly, its such a good weather to be snoozing in, secondly, kinda worried that the run was going to be cancelled due to the rain. Btw, its the Mizuno Wave run, its the second running event that I have done with herbert that rained, first being "Run for Hope 2006", wonder if thats a sign... lolx.... Anyway, prepared some breakfast, a couple of toast and a nice cup of milo before heading out to run. Hike a ride from herbert's parents to TP. Thank god it stopped raining when we got there, nice cool weather. Herbert was shocked by the number of people that turned out for the run despite the weather, to be honest, i was kinda taken back myself too... never expected so many people. Must say that this event was overall a BIG MESS, from baggage deposit system all the way to collection of goodie bag. Was really unhappy about the entire event, if not for the cool weather, I tink I would have erupted even before the race start. Lets talk about the baggage system, there wasn't any system to start with, competitors are to put number tags on our bags, then all our bags are dumped into this van, which I really dun see the purpose of the tag den. Later after the run, to think they might do some sorting out so that we can retrieve our bags easier. But to my disappointment, when I arrive at the end point, there was no station for bags collecting, but all the bags was unloaded from the van onto the ground forming up in piles... and with that weather earlier on, my bag would have been soak if I wasn't there earlier. And everyone just dug through the pile to get their bags. I simply walked away with 2 bags (Herbert's and mine) un-noticed, can u imagine how inefficient it was. really pissed me off bad. Then after herbert passes the finishing line, we started queuing for the goodie bag, which was also another messy situation, there wasn't proper marshallers to assist the crowd one where to queue for what, like where to queue for the competitive mens, women etc. so there are line of people queuing from every directions. Worse of all, some even cut the queue making it more unbearable. Think I tot longer time queuing for the goodie bag then doing the actual run, IT WAS THAT BAD!!! Really hope the organization of Mizuno can look into it... and make things better for next year's run. Oh yah, didn't mention the event happen in conjunction with another walk-a-jog event, which made everything even messier... haha

Monday, went to the gym for a light training before attending the ORD function of my frens Azre and one of my last surviving batch mate Albert. Was kinda fun going back to camp again, seeing the familiar sights, the places that I used to run, the chin up bars, MEMORIES!!! The function was also great. After that and had dinner with the guys (Azre, Tuan Hao, Nasser, Zul and Azmi) and we settle down at coffeebean near cuppage for a little chit chat. Its always nice to do some catching up with them.

Yesterday, went for physio in the morning, finally there is progress in my workouts, apparently according to Jennifer (my Physio theripist), my improvement is the fastest among her paitents. and if I keep it up, I might be able to go back to my sports and regular activities in 2 months time. Its is a very short session. After that, went to work before heading for muay thai in the evening. Yes Muay Thai, couldn't take the urge to return already.. haha been absent for too long, 4 mths I think. really enjoyed that session very much, was tiring, but very enjoyable. thank god joanie was there, coz she was the only person apart from alvin (my coach) that i knew that evening. So nice to be back....

Today, or rather tonight will be my first day of lesson, offical start to school life. How am I feeling now? hmm, I can't really tell... to be honest, I don't feel a thing. Yes I am curious about my class, considering I only saw 1/4 of them at the orientaion, definately looking forward to see them. what approach should I take i wonder... alot of questions in my mind but i guess they will be answered tonight. As for now, I am slacking for awhile, probably go for a dip in the pool to loosen up the muscle abit before dinner and then class in the evening.

Standard Chartered Marathon registration is open, my fren Albert have already registered. I am not sure still, I am keen but still cannot find any potential kakis to do it with me yet. But will definately cfm before Aug 12. We shall see then... alright thats all... wish me luck in my first day then... Cheers!

First day of school....last day of band...

Today marks the new chapter of my life, after I closed the chapter of my army life, its been pretty much left empty till today. Today, racial harmony day, also the turning point for me as I head back to books. Yes, I am a student once again.

Woke up rather early today as I had to attend the orientation organised by the school. Btw, I am going to start my degree in Business, specialising in Hotel and Resort Management. Hmm, got there abit late, mis-predicted the time for my bus trip, took an hour rather den 45 mins man... haha. Anyway, the class was pretty decent I must say, a balance of girls and guys, thou there are still slightly more girls. However majority of the class is doing a full time course, felt kinda left out and thinking if I made the right choice... hehez... nevertheless, the morning was a rather fruitful one, with numerous speakers giving us talks about the school and everything, boring but fruitful. At least I know all the important people to contact when I need them. After that was a photo of the class before we tour the school. Enjoyed seeing the gym most i guess.. haha would likely visit there pretty often I guess... hehez...

After the orientation, headed to town for a little subway before heading down to nyp for band alumni prac. Was really thinking if I should go down or just stay in town to do shopping, but managed to convince myself that I should go since it will be my last. Next week onwards, I will have class on sat and will not be abit to go down anymore. Sorry guys, I really enjoy making music with all of you... but studies will have to come first, hope u understand.

Singapore Passion Run 2007 Results and picture

The results are out for Singapore Passion Run 2007.... Ladies and Gentlemen... I finished in 107th placing, its out of the 1345 recorded timing... Not boasting, but well its an achievement... I guess pacing with all the veteran runners did paid off... almost died out there man... haha here are some of the pictures for my run... haha a true cam whore to the max lah...despite all the fatique, there is always energy for the cameras... haha u will see what I mean... haha...

here is the result for the event... haha circled is me... hehez... well for a clearer look u check it it out in http://www.singaporepassionrun.com/results/MensOpen.htm

The Prayer - Celine Dion & Josh Groban

I pray you’ll be our eyes

And watch us where we go

And help us to be wise

In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer

As we go our way

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace

To a place where we’ll be safe

La luce che to dai

I pray we’ll find your light

Nel cuore restero

And hold it in our hearts

A ricordarchi che

When stars go out each night

L’eterna stella sei

Nella mia preghiera

Let this be our prayer

Quanta fede c’e

When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza

Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino

Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai

We ask that life be kind

E’il desiderio che

And watch us from above

Ognuno trovi amore

We hope each soul will find

Intorno e dentro a se

Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer

Let this be our prayer

Just like every child

Just like every child

Needs to find a place,

Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we’ll be safe

E la fede che

Hai acceso in noi

Sento che ci salvera

Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007

On my frens request, I decided to post some pictures of that event too... enjoy...

Great weekend...

This weekend is very filled with work-outs, music and BEER!!! haha... Will slowly explain myself later... sinful, but satisfying...

Friday, started my day off with a gym session at hougang, after that headed down to NYP for a concert performance, was roped in last min (like last saturday) to help out. I must say, its the most un-organised concert I have ever performed in. Imagine doing a dry run of the entire concert only an hour before the concert commence. For the past week, practise ended after 10 pm almost everyday. But at least all that hard work kinda paid off, and the concert ended on a good note. Happy for them, hopefully they learn from this lesson. Will share picture later at the end of the entry.

Saturday, went for a swim in the morning, then met up with herbert in town to settle on the Mizuno Wave Run next weekend before meeting up with karen, xiu and jennie for lunch at Central at taka. After which, we were joined by ah tom and sasa (jennie left for family day thingy) and headed off for some ktv at the old singtel building. KTV with the gang is always fun lah... everyone laugh so hard that they all ended up with cramps and all... hahaha. After which we headed off to a place near haji lane for dinner (Jap curry rice) and eski bar for a little chilling to end of the night.

Today, did an meaningful run at Toa Payoh Stadium, The "Go for Gold" project in support for the phyiscally disabled athelete so raise fund for the Olympic in 2008. Made my personal contribution of 31 laps around the track. The sun was burning hot man... After that, return to school with the band (nyp band was performing fyi) and showered. Was initally thinking of cycling with Meiting and gang, but as they dragged on, I decided to join herbert and gang for a little concert in the park. There were band presentation by Yu hua, Cresent Girls, St.Andrews, Ping Yi and Swiss Cottage. Best performance will have to go to St. Andrews. the rest was entertaining thou I doubt Cresent Girl's gold medal after listening to them... haha.... Anyway after that, we settle at holland V for dinner before proceeding to Seletar Airbase for a little drinking session again. hahaha MORE BEER!!!

That kinda sums up my weekend... here is some pics from the concert.... enjoy...

I am suffering from a serious case of "Doryism". I initially have alot of things to blog about but now that I am on and blogging, my mind goes blank like a piece of paper. haha... Pity... so young and my brains is already failing me. haha.. will try to recall as we go along den.

Oh first and foremost would have to Congratulate my brother, Mr. Louis Fong, for becoming Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007, beating 13 other "hunks". I must say the title was pretty much his after the Q & A section as he absolutely nailed the question man. Apart from the title, he also won Best Tan and also Best Groom title. Fantastic man. The event was held at Velvet Dragon, last friday, and the entire gang including his gang of friends went down to support him. Thou we are not the biggest crowd around but we would win the most supporting crowd award for the night i suppose. Glad that the entire gang could make it. Was a very enjoyable evening. Louis will represent Singapore to compete in Taiwan. Hopefully everything goes well for him.

Saturday is all band for me, went down to help the section fine tune their parts for the coming concert. I must say a significant amount of improvement from the camp. Just hope that this quality sustain all the way to the concert. NYP is a very weird band, and only perform under pressure, which can be stressful to hear at times. But when they perform the standard is there, i am glad laoshi roped in Mervin to help the brass section, if not the improvement will not be so significant I suppose. Was asked to perform for the concert also, pretty last minute, but am glad to provide my services, since I haven't been on a stage for awhile already, so would be cool to be able to do so again, haha thou alot of hard work from my side to prepare for the pieces. Dun wan to be the black sheep in the group. Stress!!!

Sunday, woke up at 5am to attend the Singapore Passion Run in East Coast Park. beautiful weather. The run was conducted in wave and thx god I was in wave 1 so its cooler to run. One advise to everyone, never do a long distance run in new shoes!!! haha i learn it the hard way with 6 blisters after i completed the 10KM distance. Think I completed it in 45mins if not mistaken, was too tired to even track my time, will just have to wait for the cert (that will be mailed to me). Was suppose to be running with Jessie, but she fell ill after paddling on sat, so i was the lone ranger. Can say its pretty tough, as i paced the vetran runners, and my "dragonboat" instinct kicked in, getting very competitive, and push myself way off my limits. And for the fact i that I haven't been running very regularly before the run, I almost died at the 9km mark, its was shear determination that pull me to the finishing line. My legs are still aching from the run. Tired but very rewarding just to know u can finish 10 km. But time to reflect on myself.

I guess I kinda screw up my internal system. In the sense i cannot do long distance as I get too competitve and push myself over the edge sometimes, and i cannot do short distance now too, not able to sprint fast like i used to be... AGE is certainly creeping up on me. The coming run is Mizuno Wave run, doing it with herbert, guess will be taking the pace a little more relaxed, with company i guess its possible.

Got myself a new pair of googles, my old one snapped on me during my swim yesterday. Got a Hot red pair... haha, must be thinking (what are you thinking!!! right?) haha well, it was kinda under the influence of my buddy herbert lah, haha said i should seek for something that is more daring. hahaha. but its not too bad look thou. Just have to find a more matching pair of trunks to go with it now.

Hmm guess thats all I have for now... back to work (blogging in office fyi), then off for band prac, Very "Last min hug buddha leg (translate to chinese)" but will try my best in the concert. Its this friday. so 4 more days... the clock is ticking.... God bless me... Cheers pple....

Movies.... KTV and more movies

My past 5 days have been pretty much about movies!!! haha already caught 3 movies in the past 5 days, namely SURFS UP, TRANSFORMERS and HOT FUZZ. Will comment more about them as we go along.

Thurdays was more of the movie marathon. Got my day pretty planned out, went to the gym in the morning, then visited my friend Xin Yan in the hospital. Was actually planning to head down to raffles place after that to get my runners, but had to postpone that as I stayed longer in the hospital. After which met up with Sherine for a little SURFS UP!!! haha love the way they tell the story, based on a third party camera, like making of a home video kinda thing. No too bad animation despite not from one of the big producers like Pixars and Dreamworks. (its by Sony Animation fyi). Then after that movie, walk back into town (from PS) to meet Herbert and Dennes in Cine to catch TRANSFORMERS! Its just blew me away man, the action may be abit messy at the back, but it brought back alot of good childhood memories especially the sound the robots produced while morphing, priceless. Got home at about 1ish in the morning but was only able to go to bed at about close to 3 as I was still "high" from the movie. It was that good for me...

Friday, beloved Xiu xiu Birthday... hehez, but as she had plans, I didn't get to meet her till later, got called back to work at the very last min, but still manage to go to the pool for a dip before showing up for work. After work, was initally suppose to meet up with Carol, for shopping, but was cancelled due to last min plans as well. So i walked around town alone, then met up with birthday girl and Trisa later in the evening for a little KTV session. Great fun always happens in the KTV, thats for sure.

My weekend was spent by Bedok Reservior, as they had the Singapore Dragonboat Festival Races. Initally thinking I was the spectator, but there was a lack of crew for one of the race and I was roped in to help. Came in 2nd for that heats, which puts us in the finals with the A team. Thou the actual on Sunday that boat came in 5th, I was still glad I managed to race after such a long while. Saturday evening, walked around town with Carol, who gave me pretty late notice to ask me out... but still manage to make it after collecting my passion run items from novena. Its great to see her after such a long while, and thou we spent more time talking that actually looking around, its nice just to catch up.... The Race result for Aussie is Gold for the HK challenge n Silver for the Expat race! great job guys!!!

Monday was work and gym, so nothing exciting happened. Yesterday, had a little dip in the pool but meeting up with Carol in town again for a little walk around before her later appointment. I too met up with Yi Xin, Jayz and Dawn for a movie HOT FUZZ. before that we went for dinner at a eatery selling japanese curry rice. I regretted having my dinner so early as the food they guys ordered looks superb. haha, shall go there again some other time!!! After that headed back to cine for the movie. Initally, thought we will be abit late with the movie, but end up there was some cock up at Cathay and there was delay, so we didn't miss any part of the movie. Its was a good movie, good laugh and really a good deal of spoofs here and there. Gave Hollywood a run for its money... haha. After that Yi Xin gave me and Jays a ride back, thanks Yi Xin. On the way she talked about her NY trip. Sounds so nice... really looking forward to going there one day, wonder when i will be thou... Hopefully soon.

They actually told me something about my blog I didn't realised. Haha, the unlimited times I used the phrases "I suppose" and "I guess" in my entries. Haha, well after really back on some of the past entires, indeed, its true. HAHA but hey, thats my signature I SUPPOSE!!! hehez... Alright then, thanx guys for the movie yesterday, it was really real to catch up again, hope to do that again really soon. Have to prepare to go work already. Cheers Guys!!!

Recap....

Lets just do a little recap on last weekend's event. First, Friday, went town to settle on some stuff before heading down to Mt. Alvenia to visit beloved Jac, got hospitalised as she fainted at home. Poor thing, but thank god she have discharged already. Think was due to a virus attack. TAKE CARE JAC!!! then after which rushed to Marina Square for a makan session organised by Andy Tan, someone we haven't seen for ages. Seems to be doing well, and its good to hear from MIA frens once in awhile, to hear they are doing fine. Spent most of our time at Changing Appetite before calling it a day.

Saturday, was suppose to be going to JB for a little "Stocking up" with herbert, but due to OVERPROTECTIVE parents, the trip was cancelled. Very pissed but what to do, they are my parents afterall, and I have seem to have already past my rebellious stage. Ended up K-lunching with my regular ktv kakis (karen and sasa) and with a couple of special guest, meiting and shi ting. Its good lah... had fun, after which proceed to band. Band prac went pretty ok, attendance wasn't fantastic as usual but those presents are really there to make music, despite the handful of us, we manage to produce impressive music. Somethings is not the quantity but the quality I guess. hehez. Evening, met up with herbert to do some shopping off in suntec. Was planning of "venting" some of my shopping mood on guess tees, but sadly I ended up only buying 1 piece, it either the design wasn't nice or just no size. Argh... left with all the big sizes.... dun seem to have that kinda situation when i used to be fat!!! sickening. We ended off the evening with a little tea in Gelare at citylink, and just in that short hour, I met so many frens just by people watching. I saw John Tan, an ex-Aussie dragonboater, now heard he is rowing for SAFRA. Then, I saw many SAF band mates... First was Tuan Hao and partner, then was Daniel, both of them flautist and my "junior" from my SAF band days. Then as we head to the train station, I met Marcus, haha also my ex SAF band mate. Its nice to know so many people indeed. hehez...

Sunday, went tanning with herbert, haha and the sun was POWER lah... haha stayed out for slightly over and hour and there was already result. (Partly thx to the tanning oil I have too) After that, headed for some sushi before digesting them by window shopping in Vivocity. And that pretty much how my weekend is spent. Nothing special, but no boring too... hehez...

This new wave of question about me getting attached seems to be on a rise. First was herbert, out of the blues asking, "so when are you gonna find a gf?" haha. something unusual to come from him. Then was another friend Violet, she ask "You have been single all your life, so how will u know when u are falling in love?" haha that question got me tinking really hard... How will I know? will there be signs? Looking back on all the relationship problems I have helped solve, I never really thought about this question thou, how these people got together at the first place? How do you know you are in love? haha... but well i guess love is an act of nature and u might fall in or out of it unknowly... but I guess I will only know when the time comes...

For now its loving myself and getting into the right shape... Need to step up on my cardio and no much on weights. I wonder if its all these pressure that I am putting on myself that is causing a back fire. The more I want to push myself, the more lazy I guess... Must sound like I am finding and excuse, but honestly there is not much drive left in me... need to find the drive. Alright... Cheers pple...

Love Yourself before you can love others!

Have been reading a couple of my friend's blog and this sentence kept popping out. To love others, you have to learn to love yourself first. True enough, but this sentence sparks alot of question from within? How to love yourself? treating yourself good? pampering the body and soul? or simply staying in your comfort zone most of the time? I am sure everyone percieve loving themselves differently. For my case, pushing myself to the limits physically is they way I show that I love myself, thou many would think I must hate myself alot. But I guess its my way to show how I care for myself, not going back to the old, unhealthy self.

With that, comes another question, when will u know you have love yourself enough? Its in human nature that we strive more, and never be contented with what we have at the moment, its called "greed" (not all in a bad way) so since this vicious cycle continues, when will we love ourselves enough to start loving others? since enough is never enough?

Surely most people would say you will know when the time comes, its really comes knocking at your door. But I am saying its doesn't work on everyone, not me at least. Many of my friends kept saying "Ryan you are an inspiration, a role model to prove that fat people can go skinny with determination." Well, its great to hear such things honestly, meaning all your hard work paid off, however, with the good points kinda back fires on me sometimes. Words of encouragement push me to maintain or even do better so as to not slack back, so much so that it have poison my mind in a sense where I feel guilty if I dun workout or have too much to eat. This is a kinda condition anorexia paitent suffer, except mine is kinda less drastic as I don't go and puke out what I ate, rather, I workout hard to try burn them off as soon as possible. Am I not loving myself in that sense? letting my body "suffer"? When will I be ready to love someone else, guess never, at the rate I am going.

Well, questions questions questions.... need answers!!!

Marvellous Monday!!!

This week is off to a pretty good start I must say... First recieve news on one of my friend's engagement, which is like super sudden! Congraz Violet!!! Next, my friend made it to Young Fashion Designer Finals!!! Woohoo Congraz MAX!!!! know you can do it... Pampered myself with the aviators from Guess as well!!! haha its been great so far... please keep it coming!!! great week ahead! *pray pray*

Too light after hell week???

Had a pretty happening past 2 days after hell week, a little too happening, really have no motivation to watch the diet. haha. Lets start from Friday.

The teams had team bonding day, but not for myself as I had the concert "Play" organised by Singapore Arts Fest to attend, so I headed to the gym for a light workout instead. The concert featured games musics with the likes of Super Mario Theme, Sonic, and Final Fantasy and many more. The classics was Daytona man, haha sang by the composer himself, entertaining. Went with Sherine, Adeline and Wai leng. Was actually expecting an overseas performance (as in a band from oversea), but little did we know that its was performed by the newly commissioned Singapore Festival Orchestra. They didn't really disappoint, thou its pretty weak in term of volume, they delivered the pieces nicely. After that, the plan of looking for dessert (Sherine's sudden craving) fail as the concert ended pretty late, so ended up home earlier and satisfying this craving with yogurt with fresh strawberry. NICE!!!

Yesterday was all about rushing man... first rush to Woodlands to get something done, den afterwhich rush to NYP to give the flautist a little lesson. Was suppose to leave early but ended up overlooking time and left very late. Met the gang at 730pm and Village (hereen). All the good food tempts me but ended up with just a simple mixed salad, and later shared a rosti with sausage with Jac. The only sinful thing about there was Brewarks Beer from Angie man. Haha, didn't know I missed the taste so much man. After that, was initally contemplating about going ktv. But after some consideration, decided to just go, since its a very rare crowd. I guess it the lounge that we got that evening. I got unusually hyper, hah but glad everyone had a good laugh and time from all the nonsense that comes from me lah... guess can only be done behind closed doors lah... haha. Ended that and head home, fanastic evening.

Today didn't pretty much nothing, didn't have the mood to do anything either. Did went downstairs to do some skipping, running, and stairs climbing, basically very cardio intensive stuff. Still trying desperately to lose that "deflated bicycle tire" of mine, pehaps I will go back to swimming? maybe that will help. Alright then. all the update I have.. will post some pic of that evening soon I guess. SWAT TIME!!! ciaoz...

Last day of Hellweek... for me...

Today is the very last day of land training for me on hellweek, the rest is gonna be water training. But today really pushes me to the limit, and really showed me how much the op have taken on my stamina. Here is how tonight program.

We first did one warm up round around the track, then we move on to 4 X 400 m sprints on the track, followed by 4 X 200m sprints, and ends off with 4 X 100m sprints. After that was core workout for the abs. I tell you the whole process almost killed me. Not too sure if I didn't hydrate myself or not enough food, I got a stitches in my third 400m round. Luckily the pain didn't linger long, and I managed to complete the rest and really was at my limits most of the time, desperately trying to catch my breath.

After the runs, we did 4 1/2 mins of bridging (3 X 1 min sets, last set 1.5 mins) 4X 20 V- crunches and 4X side leg lifts. My legs felt heavier den a log at that moment. After that, had a quick shower before heading back. Dog tired now, but already thinking what I can do tml. This guy, by the name of Rob, he is very fast in the run, looked and his size is pretty much like Bob, the Personal Traininer from The Biggest Loser. He was the fastest of the pack for today. Respect, but being as competitive as I am, I will make sure I surpass him someday... *evil grin* hehez... movitvation i guess.

Alright thats all i have for the day... Nites all have have a great weekend ahead....Cheers!