Hey there... a new skin... a new tune... time to change things around here... hehez... Think its been a rocky 2008 thus far... Emotional and all... But pretty much picking up the pieces and now coming back to here. Guess it really doesn't pay to hold it in too much at time... Thank god i have a blog to allow me to blabber everything out...
Oh well today... its 7th month anniversary already... hehez... time really flies HAPPY ANNIVERSARY... in 3 days will be my sis's 7th year anniversary too... how coincedental. From today, I am on a mission. Coz 5 months from now I will need to change alot about myself. The bulk of my mission is to get into the shape I really want to... Seem to have lost focus after i attained my goal of getting featured in Men's Health. No more NATO (No Action Talk Only) I have prove to myself once, I believe i can do its again. here is how its been broken down.
1) Drop to my ideal weight of 72kg (am currently 76kg)
2) Drop the love handles PERMANENTLY
3) Featured in Men's Health again (different sections pehaps)
I can't see a better time to attain this then now given the time I have since I am still studying. Will attain it before my attachment and also a promise I made, that I have to keep. The future blog entires might be boring for some I guess... coz its pretty much gonna be a journal of my workout and all my feelings... perhaps some before and after pictures too... hehez...
Ultimately, its to keep trim and fit... I believe that is the best I can do for myself. I have seen my confidence coming with my regime... so I am hoping to find it back once again... and alot of support from all my friends is crucial.
Anyway, enjoy your day... and STAY FIT PPLE!!! cheers
Friday, April 25, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
What is dreams.... where are my directions????
This things seems to hit me in waves... and more so when I age... guess its for the fact that what lies ahead is still a blur... What do I want? what exactly do i want? Honestly I haven't the slightest clue. I choose to tell myself many things... I know it but I am still doing it... Which can be pretty sucky at times. I whine that I am caged, but m I really? or did i chose to be?
I should already count my blessings as life have been pretty kind to me thus far. Guess I have been pampered till this stage, so much so that I don't really know what it is like to fail, or get rejected, or fall. But yet i do not feel happy, more worried. The "what ifs" just keep attacking me from all directions. Why can't i get on with life, get a vision of how my future is going to be and work towards it? What is this inner fear that comes out more frequently to haunt me? So much so till a point i feel consumed in it already.
Many opportunities are coming my way now... yet what i look forward to initially has excuses formed within to reject them all. why am i like that... I really don't know. Have I lost the urgency of life? I really wonder.
"I don't know what I want", What exactly is dreams, what do I wish to achieve in life... Do guiding star exist... if so... where is mine? i wonder....
I should already count my blessings as life have been pretty kind to me thus far. Guess I have been pampered till this stage, so much so that I don't really know what it is like to fail, or get rejected, or fall. But yet i do not feel happy, more worried. The "what ifs" just keep attacking me from all directions. Why can't i get on with life, get a vision of how my future is going to be and work towards it? What is this inner fear that comes out more frequently to haunt me? So much so till a point i feel consumed in it already.
Many opportunities are coming my way now... yet what i look forward to initially has excuses formed within to reject them all. why am i like that... I really don't know. Have I lost the urgency of life? I really wonder.
"I don't know what I want", What exactly is dreams, what do I wish to achieve in life... Do guiding star exist... if so... where is mine? i wonder....
Friday, March 21, 2008
Expression on the Triple sharing room in NTU.... FARNIE LAH!!!
Voicing out indeed!!! hahaha cute lah...
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Poly Vs JC: thinkers?
Was just watching on TV the repeat telecast of BlogTv on CNA. Rather interesting the point of views they have. Some seems pretty sensible... while some seems crappy... hehe but does its mean that poly student are less a thinker as compared to JC student in today's context... please share ur view...
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
What the hell is wrong with me!!!
The heart is fill with discontentment... and unhappiness about myself... why me? This is crappy feeling... Just wan to hit something now... Muay Thai seems so much more interesting to me than class.... WHAT THE HELL WENT WRONG!!!!!!
Monday, March 03, 2008
MCP Vs Submissive Guys???
In the papers lately have been reports and views about guys carrying their girlfriend's handbag while out togther. A sissy act some say, while others think its the act of pampering you love one... what do u think? Male ego playing prankz... share your views....
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Love Love Love???
Hello everyone... My new semester just kicked off 2 days ago... and already I am dreading it... hahaha not that i dread my classmate, but rather the new people in my class. The new batch, it is HORRID LAH! (at least for the monday class) All ah pek and ah soh, some even older enough to be my dad lah i feel...
Monday class was all about communication, indeed an important skill to acquire in all aspects of ur life, be it in your working life, social life, between friends, lovers, etc. Many things that the lecturer say is close to heart and when reflected do make alot of sense. Communication does resolve many issues, but not only through communication, but also the way u converse, the tone u use, and all plays a very deciding factor... I like this module... Hopefully can do fine for it....
The been 2 consecutive weeks of fun with my classmate, first was gathering at my place. Everyone had a good laugh and talk and makan. Got to know them so much better. After which was over at Serene place for majong and card games and all... That was till super late, very emo night, but most people had fun, which was most important i guess. Ultimately, I am really glad I got to know the rest of the class so much better.
I always feel that I have a barrier between me and some of my classmates, I wonder if its them? or just myself. But I am sure it can be resolve with so many class activities installed. Make me think of my poly days...
Talking about poly, one of my closest friend, Xin Yan have lost her battle against cancer and has left us on the 13 of feb 2008, age 23, a close friend during my poly time, very smart girl and a kai xin guo in our class... she will never be forgotten... MY GOOD FREN, Redang buddy. U will be remembered...
Many must be wondering what is with my headline... am I already facing problem with my relationship.. NO LAH... so dun worry k... Its just that many of the people around me are trapped by these 4 letter word. So it make me really wonder if this 4 letters is a bliss or a disaster. Being in it is blissful I guess, but losing it can make one feel like they have lost everything. The wonder of these word.... Some are worried about getting into it due to bad past of losing it last time. While others are just unwilling to let go of it.. Its so universal but yet have such great powers beyond explanation. Know I shouldn't be discussing this things, but it really got my attention. Its something that you have to experience it to understand the pain... am sure its like losing someone close, or worse, I know how that feels...
Anyway this word LOVE brings lots of happiness and sadness to many around the word. My conclusion as of now still remains as: It really depends how u define LOVE, when u truly understand this word then you know how to go about loving....
To end off... here is a nice song... sad song... but nice
Monday class was all about communication, indeed an important skill to acquire in all aspects of ur life, be it in your working life, social life, between friends, lovers, etc. Many things that the lecturer say is close to heart and when reflected do make alot of sense. Communication does resolve many issues, but not only through communication, but also the way u converse, the tone u use, and all plays a very deciding factor... I like this module... Hopefully can do fine for it....
The been 2 consecutive weeks of fun with my classmate, first was gathering at my place. Everyone had a good laugh and talk and makan. Got to know them so much better. After which was over at Serene place for majong and card games and all... That was till super late, very emo night, but most people had fun, which was most important i guess. Ultimately, I am really glad I got to know the rest of the class so much better.
I always feel that I have a barrier between me and some of my classmates, I wonder if its them? or just myself. But I am sure it can be resolve with so many class activities installed. Make me think of my poly days...
Talking about poly, one of my closest friend, Xin Yan have lost her battle against cancer and has left us on the 13 of feb 2008, age 23, a close friend during my poly time, very smart girl and a kai xin guo in our class... she will never be forgotten... MY GOOD FREN, Redang buddy. U will be remembered...
Many must be wondering what is with my headline... am I already facing problem with my relationship.. NO LAH... so dun worry k... Its just that many of the people around me are trapped by these 4 letter word. So it make me really wonder if this 4 letters is a bliss or a disaster. Being in it is blissful I guess, but losing it can make one feel like they have lost everything. The wonder of these word.... Some are worried about getting into it due to bad past of losing it last time. While others are just unwilling to let go of it.. Its so universal but yet have such great powers beyond explanation. Know I shouldn't be discussing this things, but it really got my attention. Its something that you have to experience it to understand the pain... am sure its like losing someone close, or worse, I know how that feels...
Anyway this word LOVE brings lots of happiness and sadness to many around the word. My conclusion as of now still remains as: It really depends how u define LOVE, when u truly understand this word then you know how to go about loving....
To end off... here is a nice song... sad song... but nice
Friday, February 08, 2008
Happy New Year ALL!!!!
Hi there all, as the Piggy is gone and here is the Rat, I hereby wish all Happy New Year!!!! Hope that everyone have many red packets from this beautiful year and had hearty feast of all the wonderful food (but do look after your waistline too lah)
Haven't been doing much today, basically just alot of work work and more work, yes i didn't do much visiting today. New year is just like any other day to me now.
Sorry but feeling a little emo at the moment... so nothing much to write, and I do not want to spoil your mood. So will just keep this entry short. GONG XI FA CAI!!!!!
Haven't been doing much today, basically just alot of work work and more work, yes i didn't do much visiting today. New year is just like any other day to me now.
Sorry but feeling a little emo at the moment... so nothing much to write, and I do not want to spoil your mood. So will just keep this entry short. GONG XI FA CAI!!!!!
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Sickly end to Piggy year! WELCOME MY YEAR!!!
As everyone is busy with last min spring cleaning, or shopping for nice clothes to wear on the first day of the lunar new year... I am here recovering from a cough and a possible flu... hahaha seems like the "exercise-free" life is taking a toll on my health. Not forgetting the endless nights of assignments... hahaha its the last min mad rush season again!!!
First of all allow me to wish everyone a HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!! heez... and congraz my classmate DAVID on the born of his second son on the 1st of Feb... all child born on the 1st is smart... (like me!!!!) hahahahahaha kidding lah... but he is so cute lah...
Assignments assignment then Exams exam... then its a week before this horrid month comes to an end... dry and a fast month man... and then there is few more to go... hehez...
Plenty of things left to do... haven't pack my old clothes, haven work out my diet plan, and the list goes on and on, but most importantly is to get well first. TOP PRIORITY!!! heez... without good health, alot of things cannot be done.
Anyway, just wish the coming year will be a blessed one... more oppotunities and all... Recession is likely to hit... so one word of advise.. PLEASE START SAVING!!! that is one of my key too... GONG XI FA CAI PPLE!!!! Win big money on the poker table and get lots of ang baoz!!! HUAT ARH!!!~!~!~!~
First of all allow me to wish everyone a HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!! heez... and congraz my classmate DAVID on the born of his second son on the 1st of Feb... all child born on the 1st is smart... (like me!!!!) hahahahahaha kidding lah... but he is so cute lah...
Assignments assignment then Exams exam... then its a week before this horrid month comes to an end... dry and a fast month man... and then there is few more to go... hehez...
Plenty of things left to do... haven't pack my old clothes, haven work out my diet plan, and the list goes on and on, but most importantly is to get well first. TOP PRIORITY!!! heez... without good health, alot of things cannot be done.
Anyway, just wish the coming year will be a blessed one... more oppotunities and all... Recession is likely to hit... so one word of advise.. PLEASE START SAVING!!! that is one of my key too... GONG XI FA CAI PPLE!!!! Win big money on the poker table and get lots of ang baoz!!! HUAT ARH!!!~!~!~!~
Monday, January 28, 2008
Clocked 109.595KM
Just made a simple calculation... I ran a total of 109.595km from last June 2007, This only includes all my events runs that i have participated, and not all the normal run i did... Woo hoo... that is alot lah... hehez... plenty more to come I am sure!!! heez
New Year Fresh Start!!!
Wah... Just realised I have not blog for close to a month... hahah even got difficulty coming into blogger just now... hehez... Been freaking busy with school, work and everything else under the sun...
Will give a one sentence summary of my current condition. I am BROKE, FAT and VERY BUSY!!! hahaha let me elaborate, BROKE means my pocket... haha my belt is at my tightest for the very first time for a very long time... Haha, I guess was that I have party too hard last year... making recuperation extra tough to go by... Furthermore, the peanuts pay that I am getting is not even enough to cover. Its like covering a VALLEY with a PEBBLE!!! heez...
Now to the FAT part, know I am going to get alot of scolding for these. But I AM INDEED GROWING FAT!!! Firstly, I have stop workout completely, don't ask me why, coz i cannot answer it myself. No motivation what so ever, though am still determine to get my dream body lah. Second, my diet is rather bad at the moment, lost control of portion control and have turn back to eating some of my comfort food last time. But I am not too worried about diet as I know the willpower to change is still there. Lastly, with the coming festival...OMG... i dun even dare to tink further... hehez... FAT FAT FAT!!! woo hoo!~!~!~
Now to BUSY, this semester is awfully short, and thou deadlines are not that short compare to last sem, the work load for each assignment have increase as the demand increases. MDIS adminstration side is still constantly giving us alot of crap... haiz... wonder if I really made the right choice... but there is really no turning back isn't it??? Assignments after assignments, then will be examz... AFTER CNY... like yah I am going to bring a book around with me to relative place to study... haha and when play card... OMG lose $$$ (due to shu = book) hahahaha
My months ahead am pretty much planned... If everything goes my way that is... Working towards a better and toner figure will be my top priority. I know i can go further... and its really up to me to prove myself right... Feeding my wallet fatter also, without neglecting my studies that is... 3 major things to juggle. Let see if i can handle it... JUST BRING IT!!!! COZ ITS MY YEAR!!!! Muahahahahaha
Alright then... enough for the new year... be sure to come often yah... hehez.. will be updating often again.. I promise... to many things to be writing liao.. just could not find the time... now can (taking abit of 'eat snake' time) heez... Alright, Back to work... take care guys.. and do catch up k... Cheers!!!
Will give a one sentence summary of my current condition. I am BROKE, FAT and VERY BUSY!!! hahaha let me elaborate, BROKE means my pocket... haha my belt is at my tightest for the very first time for a very long time... Haha, I guess was that I have party too hard last year... making recuperation extra tough to go by... Furthermore, the peanuts pay that I am getting is not even enough to cover. Its like covering a VALLEY with a PEBBLE!!! heez...
Now to the FAT part, know I am going to get alot of scolding for these. But I AM INDEED GROWING FAT!!! Firstly, I have stop workout completely, don't ask me why, coz i cannot answer it myself. No motivation what so ever, though am still determine to get my dream body lah. Second, my diet is rather bad at the moment, lost control of portion control and have turn back to eating some of my comfort food last time. But I am not too worried about diet as I know the willpower to change is still there. Lastly, with the coming festival...OMG... i dun even dare to tink further... hehez... FAT FAT FAT!!! woo hoo!~!~!~
Now to BUSY, this semester is awfully short, and thou deadlines are not that short compare to last sem, the work load for each assignment have increase as the demand increases. MDIS adminstration side is still constantly giving us alot of crap... haiz... wonder if I really made the right choice... but there is really no turning back isn't it??? Assignments after assignments, then will be examz... AFTER CNY... like yah I am going to bring a book around with me to relative place to study... haha and when play card... OMG lose $$$ (due to shu = book) hahahaha
My months ahead am pretty much planned... If everything goes my way that is... Working towards a better and toner figure will be my top priority. I know i can go further... and its really up to me to prove myself right... Feeding my wallet fatter also, without neglecting my studies that is... 3 major things to juggle. Let see if i can handle it... JUST BRING IT!!!! COZ ITS MY YEAR!!!! Muahahahahaha
Alright then... enough for the new year... be sure to come often yah... hehez.. will be updating often again.. I promise... to many things to be writing liao.. just could not find the time... now can (taking abit of 'eat snake' time) heez... Alright, Back to work... take care guys.. and do catch up k... Cheers!!!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Look Hu's Back!!!
Hello People!!! its been a long time, I know, and i apologies for MIA-ing, its just that life have been so busy all of a sudden!!! School, work, and something new, LOVE!!! heez... for those that donno, yes I am in a relationship, nothing to hide, coz dun see the need to anymore. Sorry to all the ladies (or 'gentlemen') that have crushes on me out there, U will find better out there (Chey.... Like real like that arh!!! lolx)
Well, apart from school... its still more school, with that occasional work and all, I am not even going to mention anything about diet... COZ ITS JUST SCREWED!!! FOR THE FACT ITS DECEMBER!!! the month of many celebrations... FAT FAT FAT....
Now, school, this sem is worse then the last, as the topics are so much drier and the assignment seems to get more and more challenging. Been trying to work at a constant pace to prevent doing the same as last sem (last min hug buddha leg). But seems pretty inevitable with the last assignment submission, had to do an entire day marathon to settle it too, but glad i did make it.
After that, spent a nice weekend up north in KL for a study tour. VERY FUN LAH!!! hehez... would love to share pic but maybe next time... hehez.. busy at the moment.
Hmm... really cannot think of anything to add already coz all that is in my mind right now is assignment... so i better get to it already... Cheers pple!! HAPPY HOLIDAYZ!!!!
Well, apart from school... its still more school, with that occasional work and all, I am not even going to mention anything about diet... COZ ITS JUST SCREWED!!! FOR THE FACT ITS DECEMBER!!! the month of many celebrations... FAT FAT FAT....
Now, school, this sem is worse then the last, as the topics are so much drier and the assignment seems to get more and more challenging. Been trying to work at a constant pace to prevent doing the same as last sem (last min hug buddha leg). But seems pretty inevitable with the last assignment submission, had to do an entire day marathon to settle it too, but glad i did make it.
After that, spent a nice weekend up north in KL for a study tour. VERY FUN LAH!!! hehez... would love to share pic but maybe next time... hehez.. busy at the moment.
Hmm... really cannot think of anything to add already coz all that is in my mind right now is assignment... so i better get to it already... Cheers pple!! HAPPY HOLIDAYZ!!!!
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Suay day...
Its been a long long long long long long long long long long while since i last updated... had to spend sometime clearing of the 'web' before coming in here (get it... world wide web... yah?? nvm). Well... cannot really recall exactly what happened in details so will just recap the key events that have happened in these few weeks, in a random order (whatever that have come to my mind first).
Hmm...first of all, Congraz to the Auschamp for clinching both Gold and Sliver spot for the Expat race these year in the Regatta 2007!!! U guys rox and totally kicked ass out there. Was so raring to race only to find out that it clashes with my exams... but u guys do well without me, nevertheless, as arnie (mayor of califonia) will say: "I WILL BE BACK" hahaha.
Exam for semester one is done and over with. Just glad that its over, thou not too sure that i will do as well. But still glad that its over. Just started off my new sem yesterday, yes, just one week break, which was over even before I can blink my eye for this case. But the week was well spent on earning some quick bucks and spending quality resting time. All the way for this sem then, 1 down 5 to go!!!
Last week was working for an event called the "Morgan Stanley Summit", all the big shots were there, CEOs, COOs, all the rich pple... haha but cannot be bothered coz working hours have been crazy. dog tired after the few days, but got to know more people and made more friends, both local and international. so its was not too bad afterall.
Last friday marks laoshi's (aka Mr. Luk) last performance as he stepped down as conductor and offically retires from the music scene, it was an emotional sight as buckets of tears were pouring from many people's eyes, mine included. The only reason why I stayed on was for him, he is definately a great teacher and not only though us how to interpret music, he also teaches us alot about life. Its a pity to be losing him, but well, I guess everyone deserve a break at one point of time. He was a mentor, a fren, and even almost like a grand dad to me. Lao shi, thank you...
Enough on that before i get all emotional again.... Today have got to be the most unlucky day of this year yet... Got my friend to come look at my computer today, was tinking must be problem with my C: as I was using it halfway before it overloads and restarted itself yesterday. But today, was given the most shocking news ever.... MY HARDDISK CRASHED!!! and nothing can be recovered from within... my heart shattered thinking the amount of things I have inside, all my pictures, my songs, my memories... OMG.... the feeling is like when my ipod died but many times worse... What made matter worse was that thats not the only thing that need to be fixed, my wallet and watch is also spoil and need to be sent for repaired... $$$ can u please drop from the sky please!!!!! later going down to braun buffel to get my wallet check. before going down to muay thai to let off some steam and burn some calories.
Talking about steam, or anger rather, brought me to this topic. What's wrong with being a Free Lancer? I know alot of people out there have this misconception that free lancers have all the time in the world, equvialent to a bum, only that we are getting pay. I am telling you, that is not true, some free lancers (like myself) so happen to be more busy then ur regular 8-5 jobs, we work under more den one boss and sometime while u guys are already slping in ur comfortable bed, we are still working as our bosses is from the other side of the globe. The only advantage as freelancers is yes, we do have our freedom in time, however, that is also possible only with good time management. So please think twice before u tink of venting ur anger on free lancers next time. They are not as free as you think they are. Blame it on ur bad time management skills alright...
What inspired me to say that was just from a situation that was not suppose to be one in the first place... but well just need a place to vent it out. Anyway thats all I have for now, 2 weeks before stand chart... alot of work to do... and honestly i can say i am not ready, but just doing it nevertheless. Wish me good luck den.
Cheers peepz!!!
Hmm...first of all, Congraz to the Auschamp for clinching both Gold and Sliver spot for the Expat race these year in the Regatta 2007!!! U guys rox and totally kicked ass out there. Was so raring to race only to find out that it clashes with my exams... but u guys do well without me, nevertheless, as arnie (mayor of califonia) will say: "I WILL BE BACK" hahaha.
Exam for semester one is done and over with. Just glad that its over, thou not too sure that i will do as well. But still glad that its over. Just started off my new sem yesterday, yes, just one week break, which was over even before I can blink my eye for this case. But the week was well spent on earning some quick bucks and spending quality resting time. All the way for this sem then, 1 down 5 to go!!!
Last week was working for an event called the "Morgan Stanley Summit", all the big shots were there, CEOs, COOs, all the rich pple... haha but cannot be bothered coz working hours have been crazy. dog tired after the few days, but got to know more people and made more friends, both local and international. so its was not too bad afterall.
Last friday marks laoshi's (aka Mr. Luk) last performance as he stepped down as conductor and offically retires from the music scene, it was an emotional sight as buckets of tears were pouring from many people's eyes, mine included. The only reason why I stayed on was for him, he is definately a great teacher and not only though us how to interpret music, he also teaches us alot about life. Its a pity to be losing him, but well, I guess everyone deserve a break at one point of time. He was a mentor, a fren, and even almost like a grand dad to me. Lao shi, thank you...
Enough on that before i get all emotional again.... Today have got to be the most unlucky day of this year yet... Got my friend to come look at my computer today, was tinking must be problem with my C: as I was using it halfway before it overloads and restarted itself yesterday. But today, was given the most shocking news ever.... MY HARDDISK CRASHED!!! and nothing can be recovered from within... my heart shattered thinking the amount of things I have inside, all my pictures, my songs, my memories... OMG.... the feeling is like when my ipod died but many times worse... What made matter worse was that thats not the only thing that need to be fixed, my wallet and watch is also spoil and need to be sent for repaired... $$$ can u please drop from the sky please!!!!! later going down to braun buffel to get my wallet check. before going down to muay thai to let off some steam and burn some calories.
Talking about steam, or anger rather, brought me to this topic. What's wrong with being a Free Lancer? I know alot of people out there have this misconception that free lancers have all the time in the world, equvialent to a bum, only that we are getting pay. I am telling you, that is not true, some free lancers (like myself) so happen to be more busy then ur regular 8-5 jobs, we work under more den one boss and sometime while u guys are already slping in ur comfortable bed, we are still working as our bosses is from the other side of the globe. The only advantage as freelancers is yes, we do have our freedom in time, however, that is also possible only with good time management. So please think twice before u tink of venting ur anger on free lancers next time. They are not as free as you think they are. Blame it on ur bad time management skills alright...
What inspired me to say that was just from a situation that was not suppose to be one in the first place... but well just need a place to vent it out. Anyway thats all I have for now, 2 weeks before stand chart... alot of work to do... and honestly i can say i am not ready, but just doing it nevertheless. Wish me good luck den.
Cheers peepz!!!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
A day have past....
After an entire day, thou have been busy at work and all, its have never got my mind off the matter, however, I managed to sort and clear things up quite abit. Though I am still in the process of slowly picking myself up... this process is made faster as there is someone waiting at the end of the line for me. Its no longer about myself now.
Will improve myself to improve us.... cheers!!!
Will improve myself to improve us.... cheers!!!
What Use have I???
What do you want Ryan??? This question have been going through me... for the moment I open my eyes... its was with me before i close my eyes yesterday... and today, wishing it will go away... it didn't...
What give me the right to hurt others? I didn't mean to... that's just an excuse I am using currently I feel... Whats my fear? I don't know. I just know that I am a F**King bad guy... I dun deserve anyone to be in my life... Its nobody's fault that I feel this way about myself. The problem with my upbringing? Have I been too "pampered" and "over sheltered" to even take this kinda thing? Worse is when I know I am at fault, yet you have to come console me, what use have I?
Life is really screwed for me now, my diet is screwed, order in life is screwed, and the realization of my own character is screwed have really brought be to rock bottom... I need time to sort it out, will you be there to wait for me? or what.... i wonder?
I am a great pretender, thats for sure, my strong front deceives even those that are hypersensitive people. Outer shell, I am this strong, witty, happy person, how i wish I am like this in the core too.. but guess what, inside its empty. I am just an empty shell...
I contradict alot of my own words, I realised it. I remember I say I do not feel sorry about myself, and yet I am here saying what a LOSER in life I am (and its true, I am). But I am sure I will not stay a loser, its just takes time for me to see the light and pick myself up again.
I am sorry to you, for causing u to be in so much pain and suffering. My existence turned u into a liar, something I am sure you never was. I seem like nothing but bad company, and yet u are still ever so understanding, saying its ok and all.
What initially was pain inflicted by me to u, ended in u having to console me despite the one being hurt is you. What use have I? I say to myself... At this point of time... even I despised myself. Ryan is a coward, a useless Bum, a NATO (No Action Talk Only) ass.
Bottomline is... I am sorry... I am.... I really am....
What give me the right to hurt others? I didn't mean to... that's just an excuse I am using currently I feel... Whats my fear? I don't know. I just know that I am a F**King bad guy... I dun deserve anyone to be in my life... Its nobody's fault that I feel this way about myself. The problem with my upbringing? Have I been too "pampered" and "over sheltered" to even take this kinda thing? Worse is when I know I am at fault, yet you have to come console me, what use have I?
Life is really screwed for me now, my diet is screwed, order in life is screwed, and the realization of my own character is screwed have really brought be to rock bottom... I need time to sort it out, will you be there to wait for me? or what.... i wonder?
I am a great pretender, thats for sure, my strong front deceives even those that are hypersensitive people. Outer shell, I am this strong, witty, happy person, how i wish I am like this in the core too.. but guess what, inside its empty. I am just an empty shell...
I contradict alot of my own words, I realised it. I remember I say I do not feel sorry about myself, and yet I am here saying what a LOSER in life I am (and its true, I am). But I am sure I will not stay a loser, its just takes time for me to see the light and pick myself up again.
I am sorry to you, for causing u to be in so much pain and suffering. My existence turned u into a liar, something I am sure you never was. I seem like nothing but bad company, and yet u are still ever so understanding, saying its ok and all.
What initially was pain inflicted by me to u, ended in u having to console me despite the one being hurt is you. What use have I? I say to myself... At this point of time... even I despised myself. Ryan is a coward, a useless Bum, a NATO (No Action Talk Only) ass.
Bottomline is... I am sorry... I am.... I really am....
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Busy busy busy
Just realise its been awhile since i last visited here... let along blog... been pretty busy lately rushing assignments of all sorts... not that its finally submitted, there is finally abit of breathing space as well as time to prepare for the final exams. The word exams... haven't heard of it for 2 years... now its all coming back to me...
Have been feeling really good lately... till pehaps today... not too sure y... its the weekend, usually everyone would be all excited and all... but don't seem that way for my case. Got off the wrong side of the bed I guess. Cannot be stress, coz I haven't had that in many years, have learn to look at the lighter side of things. Then what exactly is bothering me... i really donno... could it been all the emotional songs that i have been listening to lately that is causing all this? I doubt it... haha.. thou it does affect me at time when the right song came at the right moment...
Missed muay thai on tuesday, so paid back yesterday... the session was alright, thou it could be better... Was very keen to have 3 - 3mins rounds of pad work with alvin, but he was very occupied by the new students and also by Ryan and Chee Leong... but it was still a good to see good and proper technique... learn alot...
Busy busy weekend... then its down to 2 weeks before exam... have to plan and start my studies... thou I have already started abit on HSM... but had to pause due to assignment... so its back on that and HRM too... I am fortunate to only have 2 modules this sem... so am going to make the best of it... Jia You... and to all my friends out there whose exams is due very soon as well... Work Hard.... Score with flying colours!!!
Time to find back my discipline... In life, in diet, in my studies, in my sport, in my determination. Been really distorted lately, due to many factors, and thou I am aware about it... my body or rather the mind refuses to do anything about it... If i carry on at this stage... its going to put me back to square one.. which i cannot afford and will not allow... For the coming weeks its going to be studies and workout... play will have to wait... and after exams will be alot more training for the standard chartered run.
I am always there for u... u will always be there for me... is there such a perfect world??? i wonder...
Have been feeling really good lately... till pehaps today... not too sure y... its the weekend, usually everyone would be all excited and all... but don't seem that way for my case. Got off the wrong side of the bed I guess. Cannot be stress, coz I haven't had that in many years, have learn to look at the lighter side of things. Then what exactly is bothering me... i really donno... could it been all the emotional songs that i have been listening to lately that is causing all this? I doubt it... haha.. thou it does affect me at time when the right song came at the right moment...
Missed muay thai on tuesday, so paid back yesterday... the session was alright, thou it could be better... Was very keen to have 3 - 3mins rounds of pad work with alvin, but he was very occupied by the new students and also by Ryan and Chee Leong... but it was still a good to see good and proper technique... learn alot...
Busy busy weekend... then its down to 2 weeks before exam... have to plan and start my studies... thou I have already started abit on HSM... but had to pause due to assignment... so its back on that and HRM too... I am fortunate to only have 2 modules this sem... so am going to make the best of it... Jia You... and to all my friends out there whose exams is due very soon as well... Work Hard.... Score with flying colours!!!
Time to find back my discipline... In life, in diet, in my studies, in my sport, in my determination. Been really distorted lately, due to many factors, and thou I am aware about it... my body or rather the mind refuses to do anything about it... If i carry on at this stage... its going to put me back to square one.. which i cannot afford and will not allow... For the coming weeks its going to be studies and workout... play will have to wait... and after exams will be alot more training for the standard chartered run.
I am always there for u... u will always be there for me... is there such a perfect world??? i wonder...
Friday, October 12, 2007
Monday, October 08, 2007
Busy Busy Busy
Yay!!! its finally out. My article in Men's Health. But had alot of explanation to do due to the title. So I am going to say it here once and for all. What I told Melvin was I made alot of girlfrens after I lost weight, and not I have a gf after I lost weight... So I guess it did cause a dent in my reputation lah, if there is any to begin with, and not that it matters to me... hahaha. here is the article
Busy busy busy lately, school is really piling up with assignment and with exams looming closer, stress level is really piling up. This is not including the fact that all these stress have caused me to eat like my past. Which is worrying my alot letting all my effort goes down the drain, which I am trying very hard not to let it happen. Final burst, time to study already, training to take a back seat and diet is all i can control for now. Life have been very monotone, doubt i will be doing the November race, for the fact i missed the time trials, and i really have no time to train. I officially missed one season. Hopefully I can cover some ground by next year. This year is just alot of running for me. Lose weight lose weight!!! ultimate aim, need to drop weight to 70 kg by Nov. A must not i will try... am determine. But now the priorities will be school first.
Nothing really happening thus far. Will keep this page posted. Cheer everyone!!!
Busy busy busy lately, school is really piling up with assignment and with exams looming closer, stress level is really piling up. This is not including the fact that all these stress have caused me to eat like my past. Which is worrying my alot letting all my effort goes down the drain, which I am trying very hard not to let it happen. Final burst, time to study already, training to take a back seat and diet is all i can control for now. Life have been very monotone, doubt i will be doing the November race, for the fact i missed the time trials, and i really have no time to train. I officially missed one season. Hopefully I can cover some ground by next year. This year is just alot of running for me. Lose weight lose weight!!! ultimate aim, need to drop weight to 70 kg by Nov. A must not i will try... am determine. But now the priorities will be school first.
Nothing really happening thus far. Will keep this page posted. Cheer everyone!!!
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