Tired but contented.... Yawnz....

Today is mid week and yet I already can't wait for the weekends to come by... Don't get me wrong, its in a good way since my week have been going so well, kinda excited to see is coming up next. After last weeks ordeal with my parents, would say everyone is now in a "polite" stage of life. Haven't really got to see my dad thou, for the fact that he is off to work before i wakes up and by the time i get home everyday, he is already asleep. Can't really blame me for not having a topic with him, or rather act like complete strangers at home lah, I suppose.

Enough on that matter, trying my best not to think about it, I know avoidance is not the best solution to problems, but when there is no solution to the problem to begin with, then avoidance is the best resort. Lets do a recap of the past 2 days. Monday, went for a swim to loosen up on my leg muscles after that long run on sunday. Then head of to work, work was a pretty short day I must say. So since I had a short day, I was pretty early from my movie plans with a friend. A new classmate from school to be precise, met her for the first time. For the fact that we actually clique off well kinda suprised me, so glad the day didn't turn out to be a Q&A session. But the day was not all well thou, after the movie as we were leaving from the theatre, we were so engrossed in our conversation that my friend tripped over a pit in the middle of the walkway and sprained her ankle, felt terrible that such terrible things have happened, currently in the process of settling the matter with HDB hub and Cathay, hopefully they give me a good explaination to why was there a stupid hole in the middle of a walkway, not cover whatsoever, and being a cemented floor, the visiblity of the hole was even worse. Argh, pissed even thinking about it. Lucky my friend was still able to walk with a little assistance. Ended up having dinner at Pepperlunch, food there is not bad, first time there and I like it. The rest of the evening we spent chit chatting in there, till we were the last 2 customer left. Haha, chat about everything under that sun lah... Accompanied her back to her place in a cab, before returning home, no way I was going to let her home alone with that kinda injury. That pretty much ends of my monday, fun but not perfect due to the fall.

Yesterday, nothing much happening in the day, but yesterday Muay Thai training was superb, felt like i am back to my before operation day, with consideration for my right shoulder thou. But that is after a very long time I used so much strength and panting after the session. Probably because I had Alvin to do pad work with me, as the rest of the season fighters are resting for their fight on Sat. All the best guys!!! my left thigh is aching after being "human pad" for one younger fighter to practise his kick.. hahah but the pain is "enjoyable" hehez... had applied some oilment when I got home.

Today, felt the effects from yesterday's training, legs are aching (especially my left), my back and shoulders are too. This feeling is GREAT LAH!!! haha... must be thinking I am sadist and like pain, but trust me, this kinda pain is different from the rest, its call "accomplishment pain" (invented by ryan koh =p) yes, its tiring, but just have to rest awhile and everything will be alright. Haven't felt this pain in awhile, guess i haven't been pushing myself hard enough in training till yesterday, haha good good good... a new level. Going to class later in the evening thou, so kinda regret putting in so much yesterday. Now I am not sure if i will snooze in class later, lolx, hopefully not coz HRM have been alot of issues for me. But still trying to adapt lah.. at least my brain is starting to work again...

Alright lah, just blogging in the mids of my work. going back to it, hopefully can finish it soon and return home already... Cheers pple

Pushing myself

I have finally did it, after much thought and motivation, I will be doing the full Standard Chartered Marathon. Something I have never done in my life, never thought of doing ever last time. Training starts from this week 115 days and counting.

I didn't make this decision just on the spot. I reassured myself after i push myself to the limits yesterday. Decided to go for a run along the NEL route. So the inital plan was furthest to Doby Ghaut Station so I started running. Potong Pasir, Boon Keng, Farrer Park, then avoid Little India and too the Sim Lim route, not to be racist, just that its a sunday and the place is packed. then reached SMU. Still felt really energetic, as a matter of fact, I was just getting warmed up, so next destination, Esplande. As soon as I ran to the bridge, I start to feel even better, so thinking how far I can push myself, I aimed Vivocity, harbourfront, the final stop of NEL line. Run run run, not too sure about whether I am on the right track, check at the bus stop for a familar, continued till i see the familiar lights from Vivo. I MADE IT, from seragoon to vivocity, when to grab a drink and some bananas and rest at the roof for awhile doing some light stretching, and strangely my legs didn't feel strained at all, ok, maybe a little.

After that took a train to Outram, and from there run to CHIJMES to meet up with Navin and Herbert to catch the match between Chelsea and Man U, and off course Man U won (woohoo!~!~) through a superb penalty shootout (3-0 to Man u) After that head for some supper, a place recommended by navin serving superb food. must go there again, before heading home, that was when the latic acid really started acting from the legs... so after hydrating myself, i called it a night. Tired but achieved alot.

So today first thing in I did when I entered the office was to register for standard chartered marathon so as to not allow myself to procrasitnate anymore. Time to bring my body to a whole new level. Time to fulfil my dream and cast my old self into the shadows, something I am sure I will not want to go back and will not allow it to happen. Shoo old Ryan, a new Ryan is born!!! wish me luck people... I will do the best I can! Please support me.... here is a rough idea to the list of events I will likely be participate/ or have already registered and some that i had participated this half of the year.

July:
Passion Run 2007 (10km) [DONE]
Run for Hope (charity run) (31 rounds around track = 12.4km) [DONE]
Mizuno Run (10km) [DONE]

August
Singapore Bay Run (12km)

Sept
Run for Hope (Cancer charity run) (8km)

Oct
New balance real run (15km)

Nov
Swisshotel Vertical Marathon (TBC) (73 Storey)

Dec
Standard Chartered Marathon (42.195km)

Enough is enough... haiz

Didn't think it would ever come to this day, a sucky way to start of a beautiful weekend, and all due to some ridiculous nonsensical subject. So ridiculous that even I feel ashamed saying it. Just fucking annoying...

It the topic about "gayhood" again. Yes, my friends make fun of me with it, saying I am gay and all, but I took the situation lightly cause everyone needs a little laugh in their life and at time, if being called gay or doing a little "girly" gesture can earn some worthy smiles or laughter from my fren, I don't mind being the clown at times. But now to the point that even my parents think so... its fucked up lah! Back then when my mum told me dad was worried that I might turn gay due to not having a girlfriend at my age. I found it totally hiliarious, so did my mum to be honest. But yesterday, the table took a turn as finally everything was made clear to me.

Why can't I have some private space, why must I report everything that I do, where I have been, who am I out with? am I some kinda criminal? I am 22 going on 23 for god sake. Everyone needs some private space. Yes, I know I am love and you guys are just "protective" over me, but do you all know these so called "love" is actually a heavy burden on my end. After my sister's passing many years ago, I was force to grown up and I dare say, have been leading a very compromising life ever since. All that for just one simple reason, "I am the only one left". But the least I can ask from you guys, my parents, is a little faith. Yes, in every parents eyes, their kids will always be a kid. But you guys will still have to accept the fact that kids grow up and you cannot treat them like they are when they are in secondary school, or even younger! I was very disappointed to hear those words coming from their mouth, my own parents. Showing no faith in the things I do whatsoever. I really run out of ideas on what to do, I am sick and tired of the life that I have to prove myself all the time.

My dad say he worries were not made with no facts, claims he has been "observing" me, and say it seems to him that "I have no interest in girls". I really have no idea where he based his observations to be honest. For the fact that I always hung around my guy friends like Herbert and gang, or for the fact that we don't even communicate at home. We don't have a family problem, if you were wondering, just that I am not out-spoken, since young, and my dad is no talkative person either. So he claims we don't talk at home, when he is in the living room, I will be in my room using the computer, and if he is in his room, I will be out in the living room. To be honest, I don't do that on purpose, just that I found 2 person staring at a TV with nothing to talk very awkward, and for the fact I cannot channel surf as another person is watching kinda make it boring for me, so I will go do something more useful. Is that wrong? I am still very curious on what basis made my father thinks that way. During his time, yes he is a playboy, but does that neccessary make me a playboy as well? How can I put that across to him? During his time, he changes cars every month, he was rich, but TIMES HAVE CHANGE! I here on the otherhand is taking public transport, not that I have any complains off, just to emphasis that time have changed. How can I make them see that? How can I "modernise" them just that little bit.

What made things worse, my mum, who I feel have more faith with me then my dad, was also suspicious of me, which kinda dragged me down ALL THE WAY!!! She is also being racist with my company, using again, "past experience" she hear from others as an excuse for her racism. How can she be so judgemental even before knowing my friends? Where have all the teachings of "Never judge a book by it cover" gone?

For those who read this and is laughing, I don't blame you, yes thats how "cute" my family is, worries about their son turning GAY, believe it or not, i am laughing to myself thinking about it too, just that my heart bleeds from within... Need company to talk to... Need drinking kaki (don't usually do this, as in drinking to sorrows, but extreme times call for extreme measures), need some fresh air... and A LITTLE MORE FAITH... am I demanding for too much? I wonder...

Sun is back!!! Yippie

After an entire week of wet wet weather, I finally saw the sun on Monday!!! haha thou rainy day is very nice to sleep in as many would love. But for me, I kinda dread gloomy weather, cause it really does affect my mood.

Anyway, just these three days, apart from revision on my modules (something rare) did quite abit of sports, pretty determind to shed off my excess tire, but my diet is still crap. By hook or by crook have to see improvement by 21 Aug. More determined when a date is set.

Still considering over Standard Chartered Marathon, slightly more then 100 days from it. Not sure if my legs can go the entire distance. Would be a good way to hit 23 thats for sure. Someone please guide me along...

Ran on Sunday, to amk hub and back from home, met Peili on the way back, she ask me to join her for a run, she needed it, so I did, before running home. Monday and today was swimming except today I had Muay thai lessons in the evening. Todays lessons was pretty intense, but judging from them number of FIT pple in class now, and competitions coming, Alvin (coach) brought things up a notch (or 2). Kinda injuried my elbow... donno how, but there is a sharp pain when I did push-up just now... so kinda opt out of it... guess it will take awhile for it to recovery lah. meanwhile will do running and cardio ba. Stuck at 76 kg... need to lose 5 to 6kg!!! someone teach me how!!!

Lesson tml, gonna do some light reading before the lecture, Nitez!!!

BE GONE WET AND COLD WEATHER!!!

Its been raining this past few days, I can' remember the last time I felt the warmth of the sun, not to mention, wonders if the sun ever existed. No doubt I enjoy this cooling weather, but enough is enough man... haiz... can Mr. Sun please come back already.

Wednesday had my first day of class in MDIS, on a module call Human Resourse Management or HRM in short. I must say my brain have strunk alot from army and not having touch any topic that specific for awhile... Must say I have some problem understanding or absorbing the lecture. But overall, first day was rather enjoying, seeing new faces, hoping i will know more about my classmate, learning once again. Here is a photo of my class, or rather my cohort rather, that attended the orientation. Most of my current classmate was not there and the bulk of the pple there is actually full time student.

When will i see the sun again... please come back soon....

Fine but wet and cold week so far...

Yes, I am complaining that its cold, for someone that can wear berms and sleeveless top and be out in tempretures like 7 degrees having ice cream last time. Its rare... haha, but still a good sign that I have part some of my natural insulator. lets just do a recap from sunday shall we...

Sunday morning, woke up at 5.30 am to a raining weather, spirit was kinda dampen, firstly, its such a good weather to be snoozing in, secondly, kinda worried that the run was going to be cancelled due to the rain. Btw, its the Mizuno Wave run, its the second running event that I have done with herbert that rained, first being "Run for Hope 2006", wonder if thats a sign... lolx.... Anyway, prepared some breakfast, a couple of toast and a nice cup of milo before heading out to run. Hike a ride from herbert's parents to TP. Thank god it stopped raining when we got there, nice cool weather. Herbert was shocked by the number of people that turned out for the run despite the weather, to be honest, i was kinda taken back myself too... never expected so many people. Must say that this event was overall a BIG MESS, from baggage deposit system all the way to collection of goodie bag. Was really unhappy about the entire event, if not for the cool weather, I tink I would have erupted even before the race start. Lets talk about the baggage system, there wasn't any system to start with, competitors are to put number tags on our bags, then all our bags are dumped into this van, which I really dun see the purpose of the tag den. Later after the run, to think they might do some sorting out so that we can retrieve our bags easier. But to my disappointment, when I arrive at the end point, there was no station for bags collecting, but all the bags was unloaded from the van onto the ground forming up in piles... and with that weather earlier on, my bag would have been soak if I wasn't there earlier. And everyone just dug through the pile to get their bags. I simply walked away with 2 bags (Herbert's and mine) un-noticed, can u imagine how inefficient it was. really pissed me off bad. Then after herbert passes the finishing line, we started queuing for the goodie bag, which was also another messy situation, there wasn't proper marshallers to assist the crowd one where to queue for what, like where to queue for the competitive mens, women etc. so there are line of people queuing from every directions. Worse of all, some even cut the queue making it more unbearable. Think I tot longer time queuing for the goodie bag then doing the actual run, IT WAS THAT BAD!!! Really hope the organization of Mizuno can look into it... and make things better for next year's run. Oh yah, didn't mention the event happen in conjunction with another walk-a-jog event, which made everything even messier... haha

Monday, went to the gym for a light training before attending the ORD function of my frens Azre and one of my last surviving batch mate Albert. Was kinda fun going back to camp again, seeing the familiar sights, the places that I used to run, the chin up bars, MEMORIES!!! The function was also great. After that and had dinner with the guys (Azre, Tuan Hao, Nasser, Zul and Azmi) and we settle down at coffeebean near cuppage for a little chit chat. Its always nice to do some catching up with them.

Yesterday, went for physio in the morning, finally there is progress in my workouts, apparently according to Jennifer (my Physio theripist), my improvement is the fastest among her paitents. and if I keep it up, I might be able to go back to my sports and regular activities in 2 months time. Its is a very short session. After that, went to work before heading for muay thai in the evening. Yes Muay Thai, couldn't take the urge to return already.. haha been absent for too long, 4 mths I think. really enjoyed that session very much, was tiring, but very enjoyable. thank god joanie was there, coz she was the only person apart from alvin (my coach) that i knew that evening. So nice to be back....

Today, or rather tonight will be my first day of lesson, offical start to school life. How am I feeling now? hmm, I can't really tell... to be honest, I don't feel a thing. Yes I am curious about my class, considering I only saw 1/4 of them at the orientaion, definately looking forward to see them. what approach should I take i wonder... alot of questions in my mind but i guess they will be answered tonight. As for now, I am slacking for awhile, probably go for a dip in the pool to loosen up the muscle abit before dinner and then class in the evening.

Standard Chartered Marathon registration is open, my fren Albert have already registered. I am not sure still, I am keen but still cannot find any potential kakis to do it with me yet. But will definately cfm before Aug 12. We shall see then... alright thats all... wish me luck in my first day then... Cheers!

First day of school....last day of band...

Today marks the new chapter of my life, after I closed the chapter of my army life, its been pretty much left empty till today. Today, racial harmony day, also the turning point for me as I head back to books. Yes, I am a student once again.

Woke up rather early today as I had to attend the orientation organised by the school. Btw, I am going to start my degree in Business, specialising in Hotel and Resort Management. Hmm, got there abit late, mis-predicted the time for my bus trip, took an hour rather den 45 mins man... haha. Anyway, the class was pretty decent I must say, a balance of girls and guys, thou there are still slightly more girls. However majority of the class is doing a full time course, felt kinda left out and thinking if I made the right choice... hehez... nevertheless, the morning was a rather fruitful one, with numerous speakers giving us talks about the school and everything, boring but fruitful. At least I know all the important people to contact when I need them. After that was a photo of the class before we tour the school. Enjoyed seeing the gym most i guess.. haha would likely visit there pretty often I guess... hehez...

After the orientation, headed to town for a little subway before heading down to nyp for band alumni prac. Was really thinking if I should go down or just stay in town to do shopping, but managed to convince myself that I should go since it will be my last. Next week onwards, I will have class on sat and will not be abit to go down anymore. Sorry guys, I really enjoy making music with all of you... but studies will have to come first, hope u understand.

Singapore Passion Run 2007 Results and picture

The results are out for Singapore Passion Run 2007.... Ladies and Gentlemen... I finished in 107th placing, its out of the 1345 recorded timing... Not boasting, but well its an achievement... I guess pacing with all the veteran runners did paid off... almost died out there man... haha here are some of the pictures for my run... haha a true cam whore to the max lah...despite all the fatique, there is always energy for the cameras... haha u will see what I mean... haha...

here is the result for the event... haha circled is me... hehez... well for a clearer look u check it it out in http://www.singaporepassionrun.com/results/MensOpen.htm

The Prayer - Celine Dion & Josh Groban

I pray you’ll be our eyes

And watch us where we go

And help us to be wise

In times when we don’t know

Let this be our prayer

As we go our way

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace

To a place where we’ll be safe

La luce che to dai

I pray we’ll find your light

Nel cuore restero

And hold it in our hearts

A ricordarchi che

When stars go out each night

L’eterna stella sei

Nella mia preghiera

Let this be our prayer

Quanta fede c’e

When shadows fill our day

Lead us to a place

Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we’ll be safe.

Sognamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza

Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino

Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai

We ask that life be kind

E’il desiderio che

And watch us from above

Ognuno trovi amore

We hope each soul will find

Intorno e dentro a se

Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer

Let this be our prayer

Just like every child

Just like every child

Needs to find a place,

Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we’ll be safe

E la fede che

Hai acceso in noi

Sento che ci salvera

Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007

On my frens request, I decided to post some pictures of that event too... enjoy...

Great weekend...

This weekend is very filled with work-outs, music and BEER!!! haha... Will slowly explain myself later... sinful, but satisfying...

Friday, started my day off with a gym session at hougang, after that headed down to NYP for a concert performance, was roped in last min (like last saturday) to help out. I must say, its the most un-organised concert I have ever performed in. Imagine doing a dry run of the entire concert only an hour before the concert commence. For the past week, practise ended after 10 pm almost everyday. But at least all that hard work kinda paid off, and the concert ended on a good note. Happy for them, hopefully they learn from this lesson. Will share picture later at the end of the entry.

Saturday, went for a swim in the morning, then met up with herbert in town to settle on the Mizuno Wave Run next weekend before meeting up with karen, xiu and jennie for lunch at Central at taka. After which, we were joined by ah tom and sasa (jennie left for family day thingy) and headed off for some ktv at the old singtel building. KTV with the gang is always fun lah... everyone laugh so hard that they all ended up with cramps and all... hahaha. After which we headed off to a place near haji lane for dinner (Jap curry rice) and eski bar for a little chilling to end of the night.

Today, did an meaningful run at Toa Payoh Stadium, The "Go for Gold" project in support for the phyiscally disabled athelete so raise fund for the Olympic in 2008. Made my personal contribution of 31 laps around the track. The sun was burning hot man... After that, return to school with the band (nyp band was performing fyi) and showered. Was initally thinking of cycling with Meiting and gang, but as they dragged on, I decided to join herbert and gang for a little concert in the park. There were band presentation by Yu hua, Cresent Girls, St.Andrews, Ping Yi and Swiss Cottage. Best performance will have to go to St. Andrews. the rest was entertaining thou I doubt Cresent Girl's gold medal after listening to them... haha.... Anyway after that, we settle at holland V for dinner before proceeding to Seletar Airbase for a little drinking session again. hahaha MORE BEER!!!

That kinda sums up my weekend... here is some pics from the concert.... enjoy...

I am suffering from a serious case of "Doryism". I initially have alot of things to blog about but now that I am on and blogging, my mind goes blank like a piece of paper. haha... Pity... so young and my brains is already failing me. haha.. will try to recall as we go along den.

Oh first and foremost would have to Congratulate my brother, Mr. Louis Fong, for becoming Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007, beating 13 other "hunks". I must say the title was pretty much his after the Q & A section as he absolutely nailed the question man. Apart from the title, he also won Best Tan and also Best Groom title. Fantastic man. The event was held at Velvet Dragon, last friday, and the entire gang including his gang of friends went down to support him. Thou we are not the biggest crowd around but we would win the most supporting crowd award for the night i suppose. Glad that the entire gang could make it. Was a very enjoyable evening. Louis will represent Singapore to compete in Taiwan. Hopefully everything goes well for him.

Saturday is all band for me, went down to help the section fine tune their parts for the coming concert. I must say a significant amount of improvement from the camp. Just hope that this quality sustain all the way to the concert. NYP is a very weird band, and only perform under pressure, which can be stressful to hear at times. But when they perform the standard is there, i am glad laoshi roped in Mervin to help the brass section, if not the improvement will not be so significant I suppose. Was asked to perform for the concert also, pretty last minute, but am glad to provide my services, since I haven't been on a stage for awhile already, so would be cool to be able to do so again, haha thou alot of hard work from my side to prepare for the pieces. Dun wan to be the black sheep in the group. Stress!!!

Sunday, woke up at 5am to attend the Singapore Passion Run in East Coast Park. beautiful weather. The run was conducted in wave and thx god I was in wave 1 so its cooler to run. One advise to everyone, never do a long distance run in new shoes!!! haha i learn it the hard way with 6 blisters after i completed the 10KM distance. Think I completed it in 45mins if not mistaken, was too tired to even track my time, will just have to wait for the cert (that will be mailed to me). Was suppose to be running with Jessie, but she fell ill after paddling on sat, so i was the lone ranger. Can say its pretty tough, as i paced the vetran runners, and my "dragonboat" instinct kicked in, getting very competitive, and push myself way off my limits. And for the fact i that I haven't been running very regularly before the run, I almost died at the 9km mark, its was shear determination that pull me to the finishing line. My legs are still aching from the run. Tired but very rewarding just to know u can finish 10 km. But time to reflect on myself.

I guess I kinda screw up my internal system. In the sense i cannot do long distance as I get too competitve and push myself over the edge sometimes, and i cannot do short distance now too, not able to sprint fast like i used to be... AGE is certainly creeping up on me. The coming run is Mizuno Wave run, doing it with herbert, guess will be taking the pace a little more relaxed, with company i guess its possible.

Got myself a new pair of googles, my old one snapped on me during my swim yesterday. Got a Hot red pair... haha, must be thinking (what are you thinking!!! right?) haha well, it was kinda under the influence of my buddy herbert lah, haha said i should seek for something that is more daring. hahaha. but its not too bad look thou. Just have to find a more matching pair of trunks to go with it now.

Hmm guess thats all I have for now... back to work (blogging in office fyi), then off for band prac, Very "Last min hug buddha leg (translate to chinese)" but will try my best in the concert. Its this friday. so 4 more days... the clock is ticking.... God bless me... Cheers pple....

Movies.... KTV and more movies

My past 5 days have been pretty much about movies!!! haha already caught 3 movies in the past 5 days, namely SURFS UP, TRANSFORMERS and HOT FUZZ. Will comment more about them as we go along.

Thurdays was more of the movie marathon. Got my day pretty planned out, went to the gym in the morning, then visited my friend Xin Yan in the hospital. Was actually planning to head down to raffles place after that to get my runners, but had to postpone that as I stayed longer in the hospital. After which met up with Sherine for a little SURFS UP!!! haha love the way they tell the story, based on a third party camera, like making of a home video kinda thing. No too bad animation despite not from one of the big producers like Pixars and Dreamworks. (its by Sony Animation fyi). Then after that movie, walk back into town (from PS) to meet Herbert and Dennes in Cine to catch TRANSFORMERS! Its just blew me away man, the action may be abit messy at the back, but it brought back alot of good childhood memories especially the sound the robots produced while morphing, priceless. Got home at about 1ish in the morning but was only able to go to bed at about close to 3 as I was still "high" from the movie. It was that good for me...

Friday, beloved Xiu xiu Birthday... hehez, but as she had plans, I didn't get to meet her till later, got called back to work at the very last min, but still manage to go to the pool for a dip before showing up for work. After work, was initally suppose to meet up with Carol, for shopping, but was cancelled due to last min plans as well. So i walked around town alone, then met up with birthday girl and Trisa later in the evening for a little KTV session. Great fun always happens in the KTV, thats for sure.

My weekend was spent by Bedok Reservior, as they had the Singapore Dragonboat Festival Races. Initally thinking I was the spectator, but there was a lack of crew for one of the race and I was roped in to help. Came in 2nd for that heats, which puts us in the finals with the A team. Thou the actual on Sunday that boat came in 5th, I was still glad I managed to race after such a long while. Saturday evening, walked around town with Carol, who gave me pretty late notice to ask me out... but still manage to make it after collecting my passion run items from novena. Its great to see her after such a long while, and thou we spent more time talking that actually looking around, its nice just to catch up.... The Race result for Aussie is Gold for the HK challenge n Silver for the Expat race! great job guys!!!

Monday was work and gym, so nothing exciting happened. Yesterday, had a little dip in the pool but meeting up with Carol in town again for a little walk around before her later appointment. I too met up with Yi Xin, Jayz and Dawn for a movie HOT FUZZ. before that we went for dinner at a eatery selling japanese curry rice. I regretted having my dinner so early as the food they guys ordered looks superb. haha, shall go there again some other time!!! After that headed back to cine for the movie. Initally, thought we will be abit late with the movie, but end up there was some cock up at Cathay and there was delay, so we didn't miss any part of the movie. Its was a good movie, good laugh and really a good deal of spoofs here and there. Gave Hollywood a run for its money... haha. After that Yi Xin gave me and Jays a ride back, thanks Yi Xin. On the way she talked about her NY trip. Sounds so nice... really looking forward to going there one day, wonder when i will be thou... Hopefully soon.

They actually told me something about my blog I didn't realised. Haha, the unlimited times I used the phrases "I suppose" and "I guess" in my entries. Haha, well after really back on some of the past entires, indeed, its true. HAHA but hey, thats my signature I SUPPOSE!!! hehez... Alright then, thanx guys for the movie yesterday, it was really real to catch up again, hope to do that again really soon. Have to prepare to go work already. Cheers Guys!!!

Recap....

Lets just do a little recap on last weekend's event. First, Friday, went town to settle on some stuff before heading down to Mt. Alvenia to visit beloved Jac, got hospitalised as she fainted at home. Poor thing, but thank god she have discharged already. Think was due to a virus attack. TAKE CARE JAC!!! then after which rushed to Marina Square for a makan session organised by Andy Tan, someone we haven't seen for ages. Seems to be doing well, and its good to hear from MIA frens once in awhile, to hear they are doing fine. Spent most of our time at Changing Appetite before calling it a day.

Saturday, was suppose to be going to JB for a little "Stocking up" with herbert, but due to OVERPROTECTIVE parents, the trip was cancelled. Very pissed but what to do, they are my parents afterall, and I have seem to have already past my rebellious stage. Ended up K-lunching with my regular ktv kakis (karen and sasa) and with a couple of special guest, meiting and shi ting. Its good lah... had fun, after which proceed to band. Band prac went pretty ok, attendance wasn't fantastic as usual but those presents are really there to make music, despite the handful of us, we manage to produce impressive music. Somethings is not the quantity but the quality I guess. hehez. Evening, met up with herbert to do some shopping off in suntec. Was planning of "venting" some of my shopping mood on guess tees, but sadly I ended up only buying 1 piece, it either the design wasn't nice or just no size. Argh... left with all the big sizes.... dun seem to have that kinda situation when i used to be fat!!! sickening. We ended off the evening with a little tea in Gelare at citylink, and just in that short hour, I met so many frens just by people watching. I saw John Tan, an ex-Aussie dragonboater, now heard he is rowing for SAFRA. Then, I saw many SAF band mates... First was Tuan Hao and partner, then was Daniel, both of them flautist and my "junior" from my SAF band days. Then as we head to the train station, I met Marcus, haha also my ex SAF band mate. Its nice to know so many people indeed. hehez...

Sunday, went tanning with herbert, haha and the sun was POWER lah... haha stayed out for slightly over and hour and there was already result. (Partly thx to the tanning oil I have too) After that, headed for some sushi before digesting them by window shopping in Vivocity. And that pretty much how my weekend is spent. Nothing special, but no boring too... hehez...

This new wave of question about me getting attached seems to be on a rise. First was herbert, out of the blues asking, "so when are you gonna find a gf?" haha. something unusual to come from him. Then was another friend Violet, she ask "You have been single all your life, so how will u know when u are falling in love?" haha that question got me tinking really hard... How will I know? will there be signs? Looking back on all the relationship problems I have helped solve, I never really thought about this question thou, how these people got together at the first place? How do you know you are in love? haha... but well i guess love is an act of nature and u might fall in or out of it unknowly... but I guess I will only know when the time comes...

For now its loving myself and getting into the right shape... Need to step up on my cardio and no much on weights. I wonder if its all these pressure that I am putting on myself that is causing a back fire. The more I want to push myself, the more lazy I guess... Must sound like I am finding and excuse, but honestly there is not much drive left in me... need to find the drive. Alright... Cheers pple...

Love Yourself before you can love others!

Have been reading a couple of my friend's blog and this sentence kept popping out. To love others, you have to learn to love yourself first. True enough, but this sentence sparks alot of question from within? How to love yourself? treating yourself good? pampering the body and soul? or simply staying in your comfort zone most of the time? I am sure everyone percieve loving themselves differently. For my case, pushing myself to the limits physically is they way I show that I love myself, thou many would think I must hate myself alot. But I guess its my way to show how I care for myself, not going back to the old, unhealthy self.

With that, comes another question, when will u know you have love yourself enough? Its in human nature that we strive more, and never be contented with what we have at the moment, its called "greed" (not all in a bad way) so since this vicious cycle continues, when will we love ourselves enough to start loving others? since enough is never enough?

Surely most people would say you will know when the time comes, its really comes knocking at your door. But I am saying its doesn't work on everyone, not me at least. Many of my friends kept saying "Ryan you are an inspiration, a role model to prove that fat people can go skinny with determination." Well, its great to hear such things honestly, meaning all your hard work paid off, however, with the good points kinda back fires on me sometimes. Words of encouragement push me to maintain or even do better so as to not slack back, so much so that it have poison my mind in a sense where I feel guilty if I dun workout or have too much to eat. This is a kinda condition anorexia paitent suffer, except mine is kinda less drastic as I don't go and puke out what I ate, rather, I workout hard to try burn them off as soon as possible. Am I not loving myself in that sense? letting my body "suffer"? When will I be ready to love someone else, guess never, at the rate I am going.

Well, questions questions questions.... need answers!!!

Marvellous Monday!!!

This week is off to a pretty good start I must say... First recieve news on one of my friend's engagement, which is like super sudden! Congraz Violet!!! Next, my friend made it to Young Fashion Designer Finals!!! Woohoo Congraz MAX!!!! know you can do it... Pampered myself with the aviators from Guess as well!!! haha its been great so far... please keep it coming!!! great week ahead! *pray pray*

Too light after hell week???

Had a pretty happening past 2 days after hell week, a little too happening, really have no motivation to watch the diet. haha. Lets start from Friday.

The teams had team bonding day, but not for myself as I had the concert "Play" organised by Singapore Arts Fest to attend, so I headed to the gym for a light workout instead. The concert featured games musics with the likes of Super Mario Theme, Sonic, and Final Fantasy and many more. The classics was Daytona man, haha sang by the composer himself, entertaining. Went with Sherine, Adeline and Wai leng. Was actually expecting an overseas performance (as in a band from oversea), but little did we know that its was performed by the newly commissioned Singapore Festival Orchestra. They didn't really disappoint, thou its pretty weak in term of volume, they delivered the pieces nicely. After that, the plan of looking for dessert (Sherine's sudden craving) fail as the concert ended pretty late, so ended up home earlier and satisfying this craving with yogurt with fresh strawberry. NICE!!!

Yesterday was all about rushing man... first rush to Woodlands to get something done, den afterwhich rush to NYP to give the flautist a little lesson. Was suppose to leave early but ended up overlooking time and left very late. Met the gang at 730pm and Village (hereen). All the good food tempts me but ended up with just a simple mixed salad, and later shared a rosti with sausage with Jac. The only sinful thing about there was Brewarks Beer from Angie man. Haha, didn't know I missed the taste so much man. After that, was initally contemplating about going ktv. But after some consideration, decided to just go, since its a very rare crowd. I guess it the lounge that we got that evening. I got unusually hyper, hah but glad everyone had a good laugh and time from all the nonsense that comes from me lah... guess can only be done behind closed doors lah... haha. Ended that and head home, fanastic evening.

Today didn't pretty much nothing, didn't have the mood to do anything either. Did went downstairs to do some skipping, running, and stairs climbing, basically very cardio intensive stuff. Still trying desperately to lose that "deflated bicycle tire" of mine, pehaps I will go back to swimming? maybe that will help. Alright then. all the update I have.. will post some pic of that evening soon I guess. SWAT TIME!!! ciaoz...

Last day of Hellweek... for me...

Today is the very last day of land training for me on hellweek, the rest is gonna be water training. But today really pushes me to the limit, and really showed me how much the op have taken on my stamina. Here is how tonight program.

We first did one warm up round around the track, then we move on to 4 X 400 m sprints on the track, followed by 4 X 200m sprints, and ends off with 4 X 100m sprints. After that was core workout for the abs. I tell you the whole process almost killed me. Not too sure if I didn't hydrate myself or not enough food, I got a stitches in my third 400m round. Luckily the pain didn't linger long, and I managed to complete the rest and really was at my limits most of the time, desperately trying to catch my breath.

After the runs, we did 4 1/2 mins of bridging (3 X 1 min sets, last set 1.5 mins) 4X 20 V- crunches and 4X side leg lifts. My legs felt heavier den a log at that moment. After that, had a quick shower before heading back. Dog tired now, but already thinking what I can do tml. This guy, by the name of Rob, he is very fast in the run, looked and his size is pretty much like Bob, the Personal Traininer from The Biggest Loser. He was the fastest of the pack for today. Respect, but being as competitive as I am, I will make sure I surpass him someday... *evil grin* hehez... movitvation i guess.

Alright thats all i have for the day... Nites all have have a great weekend ahead....Cheers!

Day three hell week...

Did not attend the hell week program yesterday as it was water paddling. Thus I made it to the gym instead. A fulfilling 2 hours workout mainly focus on my back. That explains why I am feeling a little sore on my back. But nevertheless, PAIN IS GOOD!!! hahaha

After which, head home for lunch before heading out to SGH for a blood donation. Have been wanting to do it for the longest time, but was waiting for my "probation period" to over (FYI: if you had a surgery and a GA is required, one have to wait three months after that to make a blood donation). Oh yah and try not to have a heavy workout before a donation... haha coz apparently the nurse told me my muscles cause the vein they extract from to collapse thus they have to keep a constant watch on me... hahah....sorry...

After that meaningful task, met up with Jing Si and Karen for a little Shrek at Vivocity!!! Must say the animation is superb man, some of the scene even look real for some moments. It just made me more determine NOT to watch "Dong Hai Zhan" as I can be a mean critic and I won't want to get sue... haha

After that we went window shopping around. The deals at vivo ain't as appealing as those in town. Managed to find 2 aviator that looks pretty decent on me. One from Ray Ban (which is EX lah) and the other from Pull and Bear (which is slightly cheaper then the Guess one I am eyeing at) Will have to see if I have fate with the Guess one thou, coz its going off the shelf like hot cakes. That pretty much sums up my day. short but fullfilling.

Today will be Hell week day 4 for me... haha SPRINT DAY!!! woohoo, enjoyed the last one, hopefully this will be just as fun... It is also known as "Run for your life" run, or the "Run like there is no tommorrow" run, (invented by me). Basically its just run as fast as you can possibly go, short rest in between and then again. Each time the distance gets abit shorter. But basically it works ur recovery time. Then we end the session with core exercise, hehe useful but usually i would be too "dead" to do it properly. haha... BUT WOOHOO cannot wait...gotta settle the school stuff with my mum this afternoon before heading for training, get it done and over with, the adminstrative side of MDIS really could be revamped man... because they are NOT EFFICENT AT ALL!!! my deadline of my offer for my course is coming monday and till today I have yet recieve my offer letter. Lucky they provide a soft copy to my course coordinator and he emailed it to me in advance, if not I would know nuts about it. But that was full of error also, which I have to constantly check with my course coordinator too... haiz... PLEASE DUN ME LIKE UNSW ASIA!!! MDIS!!! hahaha

Ok I guess my words for my past entry have been pretty harsh. Its regarding my friend Azre. So I will clear the air now. We are still friends, most definately, he is a fun person to hang out with and all, besides that fact I get to hear alot of interesting storys from. So it would really be a waste to stop hanging out because of such a minor issue. Thus what I am saying is, I guess things just got a little out of hand and I got uncomfortable, and this being my blog, its my best medium to express my discomfort being any issue at all. But now that the air is cleared, we are still friends, we can still do shopping and bitch till the cows come home k. Heard news that he was pretty upset, which made me pretty upset in bringing up this matter up in the first place. So case closed on this matter... every will be as normal, or rather, I am sure small changes here and there... but its definately for the better... haha okok starting to blabber already.

Thats all for today, shall update more about tonite's training then, expecting it to be the toughest of them all... hehe... feeling the rush already!!!

Hell Training Day 2

Todays training was more like it... thou it fort canning, its was really fun. Did a round for warm up den we did the stairs training, where we climb up to the top of the stairs, did 20 push up and crunches, and back down doing, then do the same things. Did 6 sets of it before finishing with another round around the park. Feels good after that, dipped in the pool for awhile before washing up and return home.

Conclusion, todays workout is better, can feel my upper back and my abs aching abit... haha. Left with thursday "sprint day" tml its paddle which I guess I won't be doing. Guess I will just hit the gym tml den... tats that

Oh for my 2 rounds I clocked 8 min50sec for the warm up and 8mins 30 sec for the cool down... satisfied i guess... hehez

HELL WEEK COMMENCE!!!

Just got back from my first session of hell week. Comment, erm... not really as much kick as the last time. perhaps its because i took it easy in the chin ups so I dun really feel the strain on my arms after this evening session. Hoping tml will be better

Determination? where are u?

The more I try to tell myself to stop, the worse I get. What happened to the discipline self? Been telling myself to abstain from junk food, control my diet, get on with my regime. But its seems that I have been giving in to temptation really easily lately. The devil within keeps probing, "A little won't hurt, just have to run an additional round" or "You deserve to pamper yourself once in awhile", but this "once in awhile" seems to be picking up. Hoping this hell week will change me back to the person I used to be, the one that works out at least 1 1/2 hrs a day in the gym and an hr run in the evening. The routine I followed during my times in the camp, but now that I am out, the routine is broken, I became less commited and very LAZY!!!

Weekend, pretty boring I must say. Saturday, went for band practice, initally was planning to make it a little earlier to do some practise. But only managed to make it on time due to delays here and there. Got locked outside the room, but with Salleh "superb skills" we found our way in the back door. We were about to be roast alive. Band prac wasn't that bad lah, played pretty interesting pieces. So glad everyone managed to make it despite some having to leave earlier, but the effort is appreciated. After band, had dinner with Pei Yee, Sasa, Xiu, and another friend. Food is not too bad, but the serving is very sinful. I had a double platter beef burger, the serving is so big I could have it as 2 seperate meal. But my nature being the type that don't waste food, I finised it up guilty. Went for a little last min shopping before the shops closed for the day, as well as to digest that monster meal. Even made a little trip down to Mens 2007 for a little walk. Thou most of the item are pretty much closed as we got there pretty late. Many promoters still hunted us down like lions and fresh meat. Managed to get out in one piece. After that, a little more shopping before KTV!!! haha, was a pretty random thing lah, but we all sang to the wee hours of the morning (we refering to Sasa, Xiu and Myself).

Sunday, was suppose to go for Hellweek beefcake, but overslept (having only sleeping at 4am) thus gave that a miss. Met up with Max and Azre later in the day to do some shopping. Was pretty alright, managed to find a shop in far east selling merchandise imported from Hong Kong. Not too bad too, at pretty reasonable price. Max got himself a nice top from there. After which was more shopping and everyone grew tired as the day passes. Hmm, wonder why, but shopping trips have grown pretty boring. To be honest, there is a fear on Azre for me already. I am not as comfortable going out with him anymore, perhaps from his behaviors. Its not that its that much different from the last time, but I guess last time the principles are clear. But now, I am not sure about him.

Today, been slacking and looking forward to training later, cannot wait is the word to use. Wonder what Yong (our coach) have up his sleeve this time round. The last hell week saw the team with a gold in the expart race and our first sliver on national level. So this time round i am sure more is expected. Training is going to get more tough I expect. Just cannot wait. Heard yesterday's training was a blast. So hoping today will be the same too. Gonna go pack for later... will update soon... going to hell, give me strenght, wish me luck!!!

Change for the better?

Today, helped out with shifting (as in packing and unpacking) of the company... one word... TIRED LAH!!! haha haven't been so tired for a long time, even more tiring then shopping man. Haha Well, seeing this new place, make me miss chinatown already. The new place is at Geylang btw... The sight, sound and everything around chinatown, No More...

Well, a new place, a new beginning, a fresh start I hope. Thou the job is not likely to change, but I guess I will stay awhile more till I get stable with my school. Ladies and Gentlemen, I chose MDIS. hehez, I guess the bottomline is not how prestiguus the school is, rather do u see a path ahead of you with whatever u wish to pursue. Thou, I am sure the path ahead will be bright if I had chosen SMU, but till today, its still a blur view ahead. Whereas, for the other one, I can already see many possibilities ahead. NO REGRETS and no turning back now... wish me luck.

Seen my past 2 blog, kinda woke up the "fighting Ryan" in me, Why am I submitting to confusion again? depressed? what is there to depress? self pity? attention seeking? haha, thou there is so many question, but I have yet find any answer to them, but one thing is for sure, I am clear that I am no longer sinking lower, and will not allow myself to do so too...FIGHTING!!! Thank you everyone that have showered me with concern, felt alot better to know I am not fighting this battle alone. Life is too short to be depressed, an advise I give others when they are feeling down. Its time to use it on myself!!! Time to move on.

Apart from changing my work environment, did some changes to myself too. Get my hair trimmed after such a long time. My stylist tinks my colour is horrible, to be honest I tot so too... Thus, I GOT IT CHANGED!!! hehez... pretty satified with it, thou not many people notice, but so far feedback have been not too bad... Now playing around with different styles.... hopefully I can keep up the "trend" hehez

Next week is HELL (aka Heavenly) Week from the dragonboat team, thou I haven't been going down for paddle, I am still looking forward to this training nevertheless. Gets you dog tired but feeling brand new after that week, or rather, feel like superman... hehez. TRAINING!!! got a target to reach!!!

Thats all for now lah... shall update soon... Nites and great weekend ahead....

WWE Star trainning!!!

Sliding....

I am a great pretender... something I can proudly say... and I think I have bad mood swings, even worse then girls during their period, coz mine can come as and went it wants. Friendless? cannot blame, its me attitude to blame.

Just got back from band prac moments ago, was such a strong section last week, and this week only down to me and karen. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST!!! haha... I know wl have NDP, so thats ok... But well, its ok lah... I guess everyone have their own plans, and I won't be back for long too... just till I can get back into the water lah. 2 things that can really cast my trouble aside, making music and sports (DRAGONBOAT!!!). Was feeling ok just now, till pehaps after band ended... when things rosed again from within. Jac jioed ktv, and for the first time, there was no excitement. So I gave it a miss and now i am home. Guess I will be thinking too much if I say "hope they dun think i am anti social" haha, the very low confidence Ryan is back to find me again. Donno what hit me to make me feel this way in the first place. Time to look at myself again.

Yesterday went out with the guys, namely Max and Azre, and later on met up with Tuan and partner. Would say its alright lah, but as they met for the sole purpose of introduction, thus there wasn't much to do, and was damn odd lor. Haiz, dun feel comfortable at all, felt PART OF IT... which is not what I want to feel... Know its all for fun laughter peace and joy, but I guess in public, its too much for me to handle lah. Thou its been so many times, I am still no used to it.... and I guess I will never get used to it.

Haiz... that all ba, today went to the physio in the morning, didn't make much progress, kinda disappointed. But given green light to swim already. Another item I can do!!! woohoo!!! will strenghten my arms and hopefully will see results in 3 weeks time... wish me luck... RYAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

Shoo... Moody go away!!!

Not sure what I am up to? Just feeling really moody, started today, weird that its on a PH, or rather could be because of this PH. Everything seems very wrong today, I don't know why but nothing seems to go well for me today. Lonely once more...

Today, head down to the gym, first thing on my "To Do" list as I missed it yesterday (due to band prac). After which, was bored and didn't want to go home, so went down down town for a walk and catch a glimps of GSS since it started. Was initally planning to meet Herbert for a movie in the afternoon (since he complained that the is losing life to army), but sudden plan change to the evening kinda puts me off (guess he is tired). Tried getting my regular kakis out, but they were busy with their own activities, while others are just too tired from clubbing the night before. So me, Ryan, walked around town alone again, not the first time neither. Something I pretty much enjoyed doing lah at times. About 6ish, was deciding to go back when herbert decided to come down. However we didn't meet up, why? coz my bloody phone decided to DIE on me. So No Phone = Lost in the third dimension. Rushed home to get it charge and stuck home after. Caught 50 first dates, still so nice thou its not the first time i watched it. Will be catching Ocean 11 later.

I am losing its again, the same feeling that is pestering me begining this year is back to haunt me. I don't know whats making me feel this way, but I donno how to get rid of it. Another isolation phrase? someone to talk to? who? I have alot of friends and I am sure they are willing to lend me a listening ear, but I donno even know whats bothering me to start with. It fustrates me sometimes...GOD!!!

I am bossy, that I have to admit, but there are people that can be bossy without guilt and some people that bossy and feel guilty after. I belong in the 2nd type, I will do something and den soon after reflect and think what is going through the other person's mind. You can call that thinking too much, but I dun want it, honestly, if I can get rid of it, I am more then happy to dump it. But unfortunately, I don't know how. Its going to be another tough month ahead, I forsee it already...

Why do I keep going through such thing? why? I don't use to have such things, seems to creep into me ever since my sister crossed over? Did my sister used to feel such things? so I inherited this emotions? I realised that ever since my sister's crossing, I have change in many ways. Apart from the growing up part, I kinda taken the role as both a son and a "daughter" to my parents. No that I have turn feminie thou, just that I became a little more emotional, and more gentle in some sense. That kinda made me weak get into "the state" pretty easily i guess. Mr. Moody, please go away soon....

Will there be a rainbow tml?

Birthday filled weekend...

This weekend is all about BIRTHDAYS!!! as we have birthday three days straight... Friday, ADELINE BIRTHDAY, Saturday, NAVIN BIRTHDAY, Sunday, MY MUMMY BIRTHDAY!!! hehez... so to everyone that had their birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Its have not only been a birthday weekend, but one that I have been having a havoc... lets start off Friday. Met up with 4 beauties for dinner (namely Irene, Jac, Karen and Trisa, guess its only me that will get this privilege lah...heez) Went to Raku Restaurant, ALL MY FELLOW BLOGGERS, for your own good... DO NOT GO THERE IF U ARE PLANNING A GOOD NIGHT OUT!!! coz I certainly didn't enjoy the experience there one bit. The food ain't fantastic (but wasn't horrible, still edible lah), other than the ambience of the place, there is really nothing acceptable of the place. Its has got to be the place with the worse service attitude so far, of all the place I have been to in town that is. You get better service in Kopitiam lah!!! so angry... But in such great company, I try to keep my cool, and we had lots to talk about. After that, everyone seems to be in the vibes for a little KTV and we did. Would say its pretty enjoyable, and pretty stressful, as everyone was such good singers and me being a noob at my worse form... haha but I had fun lah... Left the place at 3 am, and keenan (Jac bf) came to fetch the ladies off, I took a little stroll in town before heading home. Town at 3 am isn't exactly as "ghostly" as I tot, its still pretty buzzing with activities at some corners of streets and all. Reached home at 4ish, showered waited for my hair to dry and finally hit the sack at close to 5am.

Saturday, got up at 10 ish, its became so routine that I watch up at that time everyday that no matter how late i sleep i will wake at that time. Went for band practise, wasn't that bad, got close to a full section and was once again the strongest section present... haha. After band prac we all meet at MS Kenny Rogers for a little dinner and "mini celebration" for Adeline. But somehow I guess that evening was not too well planned as there was not plans after dinner. Still we managed to have a little chit chatting session over at Rocky Masters. After that was home, but I went for my buddy Navin party at Gotham. The party was alright, haven't club in a very long while but it was great, thou I am sure there won't be one in a long time to come. Ended the evening at 5am ish, got a cab back in the wee hours of the morning. DEAD after...

Sunday, got up super late (say 1ish in the afternoon) haha must be the booze lah... desperately searching for water and all... Just reminded me why I hate clubbing in the first place. my vest and cap STINK BIG TIME of smoke and all man... had to air it out the entire day. Spent the rest of the day hydrating myself and stoning. Gave mum a big fat ang bao, as I always say, if you donno what to get, best is to let her get it herself. hahaha LOVE U MUM!!!

That pretty much sums up my bithday filled weekend. Later will be trying to lose some of the calories gained over the weekend in the gym... Decision more or less make for uni lah. just waiting for the papers to arrive, which is takeing forever lah. Alright den... shall update soon... CHEERS

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

TAIWAN HUA!!!!

In SHE new hit album, Zhong Guo Hua seems to have stirred displease with taiwannese, thus to counter the effect... this is wat they come up with... DAMN COOL LAH!!!

Fun but sinful weekend...

Last weekend would have to be the most sinful weekend I have thus far, considering the amount of food i stuffed into my body, but I am not going to cover too much of that, rather I would just talked about yesterday. hehez...

My day started off with KTV session with my regular KTV kakis (Trisa and Karen), my "BEE GEES Buddy (Wai Leng) a few "guest celebrities" namely Faye/Hebe (Jing Si), Sun Yan Zi (Sarah Jane) and Jay (Jackson)... haha star studded afternoon making lotsa nice music. Its was alot of fun, I took on the old man's role singing songs of my era, with those super old MV. haha But hoped everyone had fun. After that we proceeded to RP (republic poly not raffles place) for a concert. Was not a bad concert if not for the many "additional instrumentions" from the kids in the audience and the fire alarm proudly sponsored by RP.

After concert, we head to Causeway point for dinner, Sasa give me a chance to drive, and under the constant pressure of 6 lives being in my hand, I got them to the mall pretty safely. Kinda renewed my licence after one year of absence from driving, my parking skills have totally gone down the drain. Haiz... but its feels good to be behind the wheels again. Not to mention I stalled twice, argh... even when I am learning i didn't stall that many times... sian...

After dinner we went to UK fun fair, alot of childhood rides... and we could resist the temptation for the "Votex of terror". So 4 of us (Trisa, Jing si, Wei Xiang, and myself) went for it while the rest looked from below... IT WAS DAMN FUN LAH!!! the last time i had so much thrill was when I was sec 2 at Movie world riding on lethal weapon roller coaster. We walked about a little longer after that, but decided to call it a night before more rides temptation catches us... haha Fun Fun Fun sunday...

the Daredevils....

the supporters...

Women....Love... a selfish affair...

I know many girls are not going to be happy with my these entry... but I guess its about time someone shows girls the meaning of love... A little "situation" had triggered me to write this... Its been long enough... time to let some out...

Girls in love, yes blissful, sweet, romantic.... guys too, but shortlived, coz apart from selfishly saying we lose our freedom, its kinda the beginning to a "watched life". I know its very blunt to put things that way, but its not a bad way, coz we do enjoy being watched to tell you the true, the feeling of someone there by your side, and care for you when you are down, and share your happy times and all. But in love sometimes, as girls will put it, they cared too much and they become insecure about themselves... there is where problems comes in, yes, guy thou they don't say much, they are hurt.

"If ever you fall in love with someone else, please let me know in advance" seems like nothing wrong when said in a joking manner, but constantly being told sentence like this hurts a guy in many ways, and also will get the minds of the guy working. "What did I do wrong?", "Why does she say such things?", "Does she not have fate for the love I have for her?" the question continues. When you girls thinks that you are the only one that worries about relationship problems, you are very wrong man, coz guys, no matter how manly he is, do have his moments with relationship problems too. And when you gers think that when a group of guys gathering, all they could talk about is soccer, games, girls or sex, think again. Guys need girls, speaking for the majority, and no matter how "cool" they seem or are, they show affections in their own little way. Girls might not see its as something big, and even take their actions for granted, but its guys ways of showing love. Me having many female friends myself, would relatively say, girls nowadays sets high benchmark when it comes to guys, and with influence of drama series, it becomes worse. Yes they will say that well show is show, it will never happened real life and the don't really expect it to happen, but somewhere within them, we know its not true. And us being guys (in general) will try to meet their expectation unknowingly. Thats our way of showing I suppose.

Girls over insecurity can harm guys in the most deep way I must say. A worried wife trys to contact her husband, who usually have his mobile on almost everytime. He went missing for awhile, mobile off, contact non of his friends. Finally when he called back, the wife sigh a breath of relief... .so sweet right? But the wife asked "Are you having an affair outside? if not why are you in contactable?". All of a sudden, all the sweetness just turns sour. A moment of over worrying, an unforgiving probing, a deep wound to the husband. We are talking about a 25 years marriage on the line. No to say after 25 years, things will not go out of track, but being together for 25 years, you would expect some kinda bond to be there, that mutual trust, that unconditional love. After sighing a breath of relief, the wife might just forget the entire incident, but as for the husband, i am guessing the question is burning fresh in his mind. Questions will follow, wondering what is making his wife thinks that way, and I guess have deeply brought pain to him.

Girls, try to see things from guys point of view too. True enough some of these sentence you girls say, can be for real or meant to be a joke. I also understand you gers must have a reason for saying this, either from bad past experience, or influence from media or frens unfortunate encounters. To us guys, we take it personally, thou we dun seem to be bothered at times, but in actual fact, we take every words our love says into consideration, and in the hours of the night as we rest in bed, we ponder over what have happened and what have been said and start questioning ourselves when things goes wrong. This the behind the scene of what guys are going through, many do not show due to the three letter word starting with "E". But I am telling you, this is what we experience, so don't go around thinking when there is a breakup, girls are always the victim. We just learn to look ahead faster then girls, pick ourselves up sooner, and move on, with that little part of us that still wish the girl well, regardless who ask for the break up. Males are no romantic creatures, thats why there is female to teach them and show them, its pretty much the say as it takes 2 hands to clap.

Venting it out makes me feel so much better. Mood haven't been very good lately so its always good to vent things out through a different medium. Will be going into isolation mode again I suppose. Realised I can think things out better alone... Loner rulez!!!

The day I left...

What have got into me tonight? Beer? cannot be, I only had 2 bottle. The music? the ambience? the crowd? the loud music? or I guess its just me...One night alone, I guess I have lost my buddies, a moment of foolishness, a moment of bordem... a lifetime of regrets...

Took time off today to settle some personal things and go get a birthday gift for Herbert as its his birthday... After getting his gift, headed down to city hall to meet up with him. Treated us to nice japanese food, together with few more other guys... (total up to 9 guys). Had lots of fun and laughter peace and joy. After which headed off to a pub at suntec, to have a few drinks... Kinda got bored after awhile, so took a breather outside. I wonder if age is coming up, or I haven't been in the scene for too long and was not used to it. The loud music was kinda annoying me, and looking from outside, everyone seems to get restless within. Then, I did the most anti-social move of the evening, I took my bag, wish them goodnight, wish Herbert and Hui fen (another friend we met at the pub) happy birthday, and headed home. Guess everyone was dumbfounded by my actions... Honestly, I was too after I left, people who knows me knows that I will never walk away from parties, let alone my best friend's. I didn't go straight home, I went for a breather walk and walked back into town. Did alot of soul searching in the process... but well when I made the decision, I know there was no turning back... I have screwed years of friendship...

These gang of mine was since my secondary school time, and till now, I will still say my best times of my life is during my secondary school, and credits will generally goes to this gang of frens. We can have fun in just a simple gathering. But lately, due to different commitment and my diet and all, I have been drifting further away from them. I literally meet up with them once every blue moon, and I guess they felt it as well. Take yesterday for instance, when li hao jio-ed me to attend his little performance at SMU, I actually went down, and he commented "Wah rare occasion that the 5 of us is back together, must buy 4d". Thats is enough to show how drifted apart I was from them. Well, I guess after tonight, its offically a gang of 4 and not 5 I guess.

Sorry brothers... at least I know you guys have never forsake me... but it is I that have been forsaking you...

New Twist... Doctor day...

Haha everyone must be wondering why am I up so early on a mid week (9+ is pretty early considering I am usually up at 10ish everyday) well thats because I am going to see the physio later. OMG, haven't been doing what she have instructed me to do thou... so I AM SO DEAD LAH, manage only one session in the gym (which was yesterday) ever since my last physio session. Hopefully I have advance to another stage, say erm... I can start swimming? hehez...

Decide to give this year's triathlon, or rather mini triathlon (not so zai to do the full) a miss, haven't offically got the green light to swim so shall not risk such move. But there is alot of running events awaiting me in the coming half a year... hehez... hopefully by the end of the year can see a leaner and meaner RYAN KOH, hahah...

As for my uni diliemma, there is a new twist of fate as MDIS finally confirms with me after my hot pursuit. hehez. Here is the break down of the current offers I get. Lets start with SMU, they offer a degree in Infoccom System Management, a 4 years course, with a definate option of a 2nd major from any other schools in SMU in the second year. Great school, super nice campus, and being one of the youngest course in SMU, a small group of say 200 pple. No liable for any exemption of modules till test is taken. Pretty employable course (meaning able to go into almost all fields, not including specialist jobs). Now moving to MDIS, I applied for Degree in Hotel and Resort Management with University of Southern Cross, Sydney Australia, and what initally was a 3 year course, due to amendments from the uni side, have been reduced to 2 years. With my diploma, I am entitled to 6 modules exemption, so out of 24 mod, I am doing only 18. Was informed there is new facilities set up in the school and my batch would be the first batch to enjoy the facility. Finally can opt for a semester to be completed in Australia depending on myself. Job scope pretty much remains in the Hotel and resort industry, or just service sector.

So there is a simple breakdown on my diliemma, what great mental stress these 2 degree offers have brought to me is very difficult to put in words man. I have recieved many advise from friends and family, but they always ends up with "Do what you heart tells you" which is pretty much back to square one for me. The only person that gave me a straight answer was Carol (thx babe). Do share your views with me k, if any... I have till June to make the decision, then its final.

Anyway, guess thats all I have for now lah... nothing much let to blog liao, nothing much yet I suppose. Oh yah on my previous post on the JC boy incident, it did create a great responds from the crowd. Its very interesting that what started from a stupid card can become a nation wide discussion topic (well for the fact Singapore is so small, news spread fast). a very stupid way to fame if you ask me... hehez... SEEYA!!!

IQ = BRAINs? maybe not...

Was reading in the yesterday's papers about this guy from a GOOD REPUTABLE JC hitting a bus driver, just for a stupid card? Is it worth it? Its damn dumb! trouble kids get themselve into sometimes, and when matters get big, they cry... and all the shame to the poor father that have to get all the blame and even kneeing to beg for forgiveness. A moment Hero, a lifetime Zero.... Imagine going back to school, not only being known as the guy that hit a bus driver, but someone that is not responsible for his own action and have to make his dad shield him. Instant karma at its best, hitting a person his dad's age, and his dad gets all the shame... LIVE UP TO THAT!!!

I understand at the moment of anger, your mind switch off and your fist just springs into action, but all over a card, all over a girl rather? Is that girlfriend worth it, or rather the question is, "what was she tinking?" I mean she should be stopping her boyfriend. I just find everything so wrong. The victim, a man just doing his job, one sentence mention in his interview really touched me. He says, "I was taken aback when I got hit, a kid even younger than my own child hit me, but how could I hit back? He was just a child, but i felt my respect taken away from me." Getting beaten is not really about the external wounds, but the internal one, the ones that affects ur inner self. This boy did not only inflict damage to the bus driver, but also his dad, just think of the shame the father have to bear for the rest of his life. This scar that never heals. But a father's love is undoubtly great man. As the saying goes "Under every guys knees there is gold" thus its not easy for guys to kneel or beg, but it seems that the boy's dad have already given up all for his child, the ultermate love. Hopefully this will serve as a lesson for many, and i do hope that this boy gets a second chance on behalf of his dad. It really a story u will look back and laugh thinking "All these trouble for a card? worth it?"

Ok enough on my views on news lah... haha once in awhile I can get pretty annoyed by things in news that I really need to express... feels better once its off the chest. Back to my weekend. Hmm... Saturday, went for SMU briefing, my inital plan of just going for a listen even thou my mind have been fixed was once again thrown back into a diliemma. I have to admit, SMU is very very persuasive as they really do show the true potential that you will be facing upon graduation. Felt terrible after walking out from the lecture theatre. Confused confused confused... was initally suppose to meet up with Sherine and Adeline to shop, but only to find out they cancelled it due to bad weather, so I went walk around alone instead, at the same time find plans with others. Great Singapore Sale is creeping close, and my wallet is already itching to be emptied... haha (it not very full to start with) but my determination is keeping my wallet firmly in my pocket. But later that evening manage to go KTV with karen and Trisa, first time with sasa again after her chickenpox! and it was FUN lah... haha got so hooked on to singing lately, not sure why... love to hear my voice amplified pehaps... hehez. After that, we reluctantly called it a night as nothing else was left open and head home. That session keep me lost from the diliemma for awhile but found me back after i reached home... didn't had a sound sleep.

Sunday, MUMMY's DAY!!! didn't managed to get anything for my mummy, not very good with getting things for mum to begin with coz I really have no idea what she like. Stopped shopping with her since secondary school? maybe earlier. Anyway brought her out for sushi, kept promising to bring her one day but never manage to find the time. So what better day then mother's day. Did enjoy a little quiet moment with my mum, we seem to have endless topics, she would tell me alot about her gang of frens, which suprisingly never bores me. I too took the oppotunity to tell her about my uni diliemma even with the knowledge of what her answer would be. "As long as you are happy, we will support you". After lunch, my mum headed to the hospital to see my auntie who undergone an operation for her leg. So I headed home and rot for the rest of my day. Finished Pirates of the Carribean, the Black Pearl and the rest of my Full House. haha, then ended of my day with some exercise, simple skipping a stair climbing...

Nothing special for today or this week rather, at least none i can forsee as yet. smooth sailing as usual. Nothing to look forward to, just hoping this diliemma would be over real soon. alright thats it for me... cheers and great week ahead.

Dr. Ryan Koh - Love Doctor...

Apart from my diliemma about my recent uni choice, I have been poking my nose into other people's business, or love life I suppose. I am like reliving my past, as I help out fren's that faced problem with their relationship. Its a BIG THING, for someone that have been single all my life, and for the fact that people thinks I am very knowledgable in relationships. Love GURU? pehaps... But all I did pretty much is providing a listening ear, and giving opinion from a third party point of view and hopefully problems can be resolved in a peaceful manner. Maybe I should start a clinic for my business? haha...

Well the past few days was pretty alright for me lah, went for the SAF band public performance at Taka yesterday. What I thought was a short performance, ended up taking and hour plus, ITS A FULL CONCERT LAH!!! hehez, but its nice to see them lah... rare occasion to see parade band getting to sit down and perform. But I guess its as its a weekday night, there wasn't much crowd. Then again, I am pretty proud to see many ex-bandmates lah. hehez..

Back to the topic on LOVE. What is LOVE? A simple question but one that is very difficult to answer or rather have many different ones. And when someone say they are in love, but at times they ponder if its their true love? Define true love? Is there a definate answer to this four letter word? To me it seems infinte too. Can past love still be frens? is that even possible? knowing that you love someone that dun really love you back, worth it? if its not, why izit so difficult to let go and move on? How to satisfy a hunger for love, how can I tell that he/she still loves me after all this time? How come this guy is such a jerk, but a part of me still accepts him, makes me miss him, makes me happy when getting a call, or even an sms from him? is this love too? So many questions, so little answers.... these is only a portion of the question i faced while helping out... not that bad eh... do tag your views man... on you defination on love... Cheers!