I am suffering from a serious case of "Doryism". I initially have alot of things to blog about but now that I am on and blogging, my mind goes blank like a piece of paper. haha... Pity... so young and my brains is already failing me. haha.. will try to recall as we go along den.

Oh first and foremost would have to Congratulate my brother, Mr. Louis Fong, for becoming Mr. Singapore Worldwide International 2007, beating 13 other "hunks". I must say the title was pretty much his after the Q & A section as he absolutely nailed the question man. Apart from the title, he also won Best Tan and also Best Groom title. Fantastic man. The event was held at Velvet Dragon, last friday, and the entire gang including his gang of friends went down to support him. Thou we are not the biggest crowd around but we would win the most supporting crowd award for the night i suppose. Glad that the entire gang could make it. Was a very enjoyable evening. Louis will represent Singapore to compete in Taiwan. Hopefully everything goes well for him.

Saturday is all band for me, went down to help the section fine tune their parts for the coming concert. I must say a significant amount of improvement from the camp. Just hope that this quality sustain all the way to the concert. NYP is a very weird band, and only perform under pressure, which can be stressful to hear at times. But when they perform the standard is there, i am glad laoshi roped in Mervin to help the brass section, if not the improvement will not be so significant I suppose. Was asked to perform for the concert also, pretty last minute, but am glad to provide my services, since I haven't been on a stage for awhile already, so would be cool to be able to do so again, haha thou alot of hard work from my side to prepare for the pieces. Dun wan to be the black sheep in the group. Stress!!!

Sunday, woke up at 5am to attend the Singapore Passion Run in East Coast Park. beautiful weather. The run was conducted in wave and thx god I was in wave 1 so its cooler to run. One advise to everyone, never do a long distance run in new shoes!!! haha i learn it the hard way with 6 blisters after i completed the 10KM distance. Think I completed it in 45mins if not mistaken, was too tired to even track my time, will just have to wait for the cert (that will be mailed to me). Was suppose to be running with Jessie, but she fell ill after paddling on sat, so i was the lone ranger. Can say its pretty tough, as i paced the vetran runners, and my "dragonboat" instinct kicked in, getting very competitive, and push myself way off my limits. And for the fact i that I haven't been running very regularly before the run, I almost died at the 9km mark, its was shear determination that pull me to the finishing line. My legs are still aching from the run. Tired but very rewarding just to know u can finish 10 km. But time to reflect on myself.

I guess I kinda screw up my internal system. In the sense i cannot do long distance as I get too competitve and push myself over the edge sometimes, and i cannot do short distance now too, not able to sprint fast like i used to be... AGE is certainly creeping up on me. The coming run is Mizuno Wave run, doing it with herbert, guess will be taking the pace a little more relaxed, with company i guess its possible.

Got myself a new pair of googles, my old one snapped on me during my swim yesterday. Got a Hot red pair... haha, must be thinking (what are you thinking!!! right?) haha well, it was kinda under the influence of my buddy herbert lah, haha said i should seek for something that is more daring. hahaha. but its not too bad look thou. Just have to find a more matching pair of trunks to go with it now.

Hmm guess thats all I have for now... back to work (blogging in office fyi), then off for band prac, Very "Last min hug buddha leg (translate to chinese)" but will try my best in the concert. Its this friday. so 4 more days... the clock is ticking.... God bless me... Cheers pple....

Movies.... KTV and more movies

My past 5 days have been pretty much about movies!!! haha already caught 3 movies in the past 5 days, namely SURFS UP, TRANSFORMERS and HOT FUZZ. Will comment more about them as we go along.

Thurdays was more of the movie marathon. Got my day pretty planned out, went to the gym in the morning, then visited my friend Xin Yan in the hospital. Was actually planning to head down to raffles place after that to get my runners, but had to postpone that as I stayed longer in the hospital. After which met up with Sherine for a little SURFS UP!!! haha love the way they tell the story, based on a third party camera, like making of a home video kinda thing. No too bad animation despite not from one of the big producers like Pixars and Dreamworks. (its by Sony Animation fyi). Then after that movie, walk back into town (from PS) to meet Herbert and Dennes in Cine to catch TRANSFORMERS! Its just blew me away man, the action may be abit messy at the back, but it brought back alot of good childhood memories especially the sound the robots produced while morphing, priceless. Got home at about 1ish in the morning but was only able to go to bed at about close to 3 as I was still "high" from the movie. It was that good for me...

Friday, beloved Xiu xiu Birthday... hehez, but as she had plans, I didn't get to meet her till later, got called back to work at the very last min, but still manage to go to the pool for a dip before showing up for work. After work, was initally suppose to meet up with Carol, for shopping, but was cancelled due to last min plans as well. So i walked around town alone, then met up with birthday girl and Trisa later in the evening for a little KTV session. Great fun always happens in the KTV, thats for sure.

My weekend was spent by Bedok Reservior, as they had the Singapore Dragonboat Festival Races. Initally thinking I was the spectator, but there was a lack of crew for one of the race and I was roped in to help. Came in 2nd for that heats, which puts us in the finals with the A team. Thou the actual on Sunday that boat came in 5th, I was still glad I managed to race after such a long while. Saturday evening, walked around town with Carol, who gave me pretty late notice to ask me out... but still manage to make it after collecting my passion run items from novena. Its great to see her after such a long while, and thou we spent more time talking that actually looking around, its nice just to catch up.... The Race result for Aussie is Gold for the HK challenge n Silver for the Expat race! great job guys!!!

Monday was work and gym, so nothing exciting happened. Yesterday, had a little dip in the pool but meeting up with Carol in town again for a little walk around before her later appointment. I too met up with Yi Xin, Jayz and Dawn for a movie HOT FUZZ. before that we went for dinner at a eatery selling japanese curry rice. I regretted having my dinner so early as the food they guys ordered looks superb. haha, shall go there again some other time!!! After that headed back to cine for the movie. Initally, thought we will be abit late with the movie, but end up there was some cock up at Cathay and there was delay, so we didn't miss any part of the movie. Its was a good movie, good laugh and really a good deal of spoofs here and there. Gave Hollywood a run for its money... haha. After that Yi Xin gave me and Jays a ride back, thanks Yi Xin. On the way she talked about her NY trip. Sounds so nice... really looking forward to going there one day, wonder when i will be thou... Hopefully soon.

They actually told me something about my blog I didn't realised. Haha, the unlimited times I used the phrases "I suppose" and "I guess" in my entries. Haha, well after really back on some of the past entires, indeed, its true. HAHA but hey, thats my signature I SUPPOSE!!! hehez... Alright then, thanx guys for the movie yesterday, it was really real to catch up again, hope to do that again really soon. Have to prepare to go work already. Cheers Guys!!!

Recap....

Lets just do a little recap on last weekend's event. First, Friday, went town to settle on some stuff before heading down to Mt. Alvenia to visit beloved Jac, got hospitalised as she fainted at home. Poor thing, but thank god she have discharged already. Think was due to a virus attack. TAKE CARE JAC!!! then after which rushed to Marina Square for a makan session organised by Andy Tan, someone we haven't seen for ages. Seems to be doing well, and its good to hear from MIA frens once in awhile, to hear they are doing fine. Spent most of our time at Changing Appetite before calling it a day.

Saturday, was suppose to be going to JB for a little "Stocking up" with herbert, but due to OVERPROTECTIVE parents, the trip was cancelled. Very pissed but what to do, they are my parents afterall, and I have seem to have already past my rebellious stage. Ended up K-lunching with my regular ktv kakis (karen and sasa) and with a couple of special guest, meiting and shi ting. Its good lah... had fun, after which proceed to band. Band prac went pretty ok, attendance wasn't fantastic as usual but those presents are really there to make music, despite the handful of us, we manage to produce impressive music. Somethings is not the quantity but the quality I guess. hehez. Evening, met up with herbert to do some shopping off in suntec. Was planning of "venting" some of my shopping mood on guess tees, but sadly I ended up only buying 1 piece, it either the design wasn't nice or just no size. Argh... left with all the big sizes.... dun seem to have that kinda situation when i used to be fat!!! sickening. We ended off the evening with a little tea in Gelare at citylink, and just in that short hour, I met so many frens just by people watching. I saw John Tan, an ex-Aussie dragonboater, now heard he is rowing for SAFRA. Then, I saw many SAF band mates... First was Tuan Hao and partner, then was Daniel, both of them flautist and my "junior" from my SAF band days. Then as we head to the train station, I met Marcus, haha also my ex SAF band mate. Its nice to know so many people indeed. hehez...

Sunday, went tanning with herbert, haha and the sun was POWER lah... haha stayed out for slightly over and hour and there was already result. (Partly thx to the tanning oil I have too) After that, headed for some sushi before digesting them by window shopping in Vivocity. And that pretty much how my weekend is spent. Nothing special, but no boring too... hehez...

This new wave of question about me getting attached seems to be on a rise. First was herbert, out of the blues asking, "so when are you gonna find a gf?" haha. something unusual to come from him. Then was another friend Violet, she ask "You have been single all your life, so how will u know when u are falling in love?" haha that question got me tinking really hard... How will I know? will there be signs? Looking back on all the relationship problems I have helped solve, I never really thought about this question thou, how these people got together at the first place? How do you know you are in love? haha... but well i guess love is an act of nature and u might fall in or out of it unknowly... but I guess I will only know when the time comes...

For now its loving myself and getting into the right shape... Need to step up on my cardio and no much on weights. I wonder if its all these pressure that I am putting on myself that is causing a back fire. The more I want to push myself, the more lazy I guess... Must sound like I am finding and excuse, but honestly there is not much drive left in me... need to find the drive. Alright... Cheers pple...

Love Yourself before you can love others!

Have been reading a couple of my friend's blog and this sentence kept popping out. To love others, you have to learn to love yourself first. True enough, but this sentence sparks alot of question from within? How to love yourself? treating yourself good? pampering the body and soul? or simply staying in your comfort zone most of the time? I am sure everyone percieve loving themselves differently. For my case, pushing myself to the limits physically is they way I show that I love myself, thou many would think I must hate myself alot. But I guess its my way to show how I care for myself, not going back to the old, unhealthy self.

With that, comes another question, when will u know you have love yourself enough? Its in human nature that we strive more, and never be contented with what we have at the moment, its called "greed" (not all in a bad way) so since this vicious cycle continues, when will we love ourselves enough to start loving others? since enough is never enough?

Surely most people would say you will know when the time comes, its really comes knocking at your door. But I am saying its doesn't work on everyone, not me at least. Many of my friends kept saying "Ryan you are an inspiration, a role model to prove that fat people can go skinny with determination." Well, its great to hear such things honestly, meaning all your hard work paid off, however, with the good points kinda back fires on me sometimes. Words of encouragement push me to maintain or even do better so as to not slack back, so much so that it have poison my mind in a sense where I feel guilty if I dun workout or have too much to eat. This is a kinda condition anorexia paitent suffer, except mine is kinda less drastic as I don't go and puke out what I ate, rather, I workout hard to try burn them off as soon as possible. Am I not loving myself in that sense? letting my body "suffer"? When will I be ready to love someone else, guess never, at the rate I am going.

Well, questions questions questions.... need answers!!!

Marvellous Monday!!!

This week is off to a pretty good start I must say... First recieve news on one of my friend's engagement, which is like super sudden! Congraz Violet!!! Next, my friend made it to Young Fashion Designer Finals!!! Woohoo Congraz MAX!!!! know you can do it... Pampered myself with the aviators from Guess as well!!! haha its been great so far... please keep it coming!!! great week ahead! *pray pray*

Too light after hell week???

Had a pretty happening past 2 days after hell week, a little too happening, really have no motivation to watch the diet. haha. Lets start from Friday.

The teams had team bonding day, but not for myself as I had the concert "Play" organised by Singapore Arts Fest to attend, so I headed to the gym for a light workout instead. The concert featured games musics with the likes of Super Mario Theme, Sonic, and Final Fantasy and many more. The classics was Daytona man, haha sang by the composer himself, entertaining. Went with Sherine, Adeline and Wai leng. Was actually expecting an overseas performance (as in a band from oversea), but little did we know that its was performed by the newly commissioned Singapore Festival Orchestra. They didn't really disappoint, thou its pretty weak in term of volume, they delivered the pieces nicely. After that, the plan of looking for dessert (Sherine's sudden craving) fail as the concert ended pretty late, so ended up home earlier and satisfying this craving with yogurt with fresh strawberry. NICE!!!

Yesterday was all about rushing man... first rush to Woodlands to get something done, den afterwhich rush to NYP to give the flautist a little lesson. Was suppose to leave early but ended up overlooking time and left very late. Met the gang at 730pm and Village (hereen). All the good food tempts me but ended up with just a simple mixed salad, and later shared a rosti with sausage with Jac. The only sinful thing about there was Brewarks Beer from Angie man. Haha, didn't know I missed the taste so much man. After that, was initally contemplating about going ktv. But after some consideration, decided to just go, since its a very rare crowd. I guess it the lounge that we got that evening. I got unusually hyper, hah but glad everyone had a good laugh and time from all the nonsense that comes from me lah... guess can only be done behind closed doors lah... haha. Ended that and head home, fanastic evening.

Today didn't pretty much nothing, didn't have the mood to do anything either. Did went downstairs to do some skipping, running, and stairs climbing, basically very cardio intensive stuff. Still trying desperately to lose that "deflated bicycle tire" of mine, pehaps I will go back to swimming? maybe that will help. Alright then. all the update I have.. will post some pic of that evening soon I guess. SWAT TIME!!! ciaoz...

Last day of Hellweek... for me...

Today is the very last day of land training for me on hellweek, the rest is gonna be water training. But today really pushes me to the limit, and really showed me how much the op have taken on my stamina. Here is how tonight program.

We first did one warm up round around the track, then we move on to 4 X 400 m sprints on the track, followed by 4 X 200m sprints, and ends off with 4 X 100m sprints. After that was core workout for the abs. I tell you the whole process almost killed me. Not too sure if I didn't hydrate myself or not enough food, I got a stitches in my third 400m round. Luckily the pain didn't linger long, and I managed to complete the rest and really was at my limits most of the time, desperately trying to catch my breath.

After the runs, we did 4 1/2 mins of bridging (3 X 1 min sets, last set 1.5 mins) 4X 20 V- crunches and 4X side leg lifts. My legs felt heavier den a log at that moment. After that, had a quick shower before heading back. Dog tired now, but already thinking what I can do tml. This guy, by the name of Rob, he is very fast in the run, looked and his size is pretty much like Bob, the Personal Traininer from The Biggest Loser. He was the fastest of the pack for today. Respect, but being as competitive as I am, I will make sure I surpass him someday... *evil grin* hehez... movitvation i guess.

Alright thats all i have for the day... Nites all have have a great weekend ahead....Cheers!

Day three hell week...

Did not attend the hell week program yesterday as it was water paddling. Thus I made it to the gym instead. A fulfilling 2 hours workout mainly focus on my back. That explains why I am feeling a little sore on my back. But nevertheless, PAIN IS GOOD!!! hahaha

After which, head home for lunch before heading out to SGH for a blood donation. Have been wanting to do it for the longest time, but was waiting for my "probation period" to over (FYI: if you had a surgery and a GA is required, one have to wait three months after that to make a blood donation). Oh yah and try not to have a heavy workout before a donation... haha coz apparently the nurse told me my muscles cause the vein they extract from to collapse thus they have to keep a constant watch on me... hahah....sorry...

After that meaningful task, met up with Jing Si and Karen for a little Shrek at Vivocity!!! Must say the animation is superb man, some of the scene even look real for some moments. It just made me more determine NOT to watch "Dong Hai Zhan" as I can be a mean critic and I won't want to get sue... haha

After that we went window shopping around. The deals at vivo ain't as appealing as those in town. Managed to find 2 aviator that looks pretty decent on me. One from Ray Ban (which is EX lah) and the other from Pull and Bear (which is slightly cheaper then the Guess one I am eyeing at) Will have to see if I have fate with the Guess one thou, coz its going off the shelf like hot cakes. That pretty much sums up my day. short but fullfilling.

Today will be Hell week day 4 for me... haha SPRINT DAY!!! woohoo, enjoyed the last one, hopefully this will be just as fun... It is also known as "Run for your life" run, or the "Run like there is no tommorrow" run, (invented by me). Basically its just run as fast as you can possibly go, short rest in between and then again. Each time the distance gets abit shorter. But basically it works ur recovery time. Then we end the session with core exercise, hehe useful but usually i would be too "dead" to do it properly. haha... BUT WOOHOO cannot wait...gotta settle the school stuff with my mum this afternoon before heading for training, get it done and over with, the adminstrative side of MDIS really could be revamped man... because they are NOT EFFICENT AT ALL!!! my deadline of my offer for my course is coming monday and till today I have yet recieve my offer letter. Lucky they provide a soft copy to my course coordinator and he emailed it to me in advance, if not I would know nuts about it. But that was full of error also, which I have to constantly check with my course coordinator too... haiz... PLEASE DUN ME LIKE UNSW ASIA!!! MDIS!!! hahaha

Ok I guess my words for my past entry have been pretty harsh. Its regarding my friend Azre. So I will clear the air now. We are still friends, most definately, he is a fun person to hang out with and all, besides that fact I get to hear alot of interesting storys from. So it would really be a waste to stop hanging out because of such a minor issue. Thus what I am saying is, I guess things just got a little out of hand and I got uncomfortable, and this being my blog, its my best medium to express my discomfort being any issue at all. But now that the air is cleared, we are still friends, we can still do shopping and bitch till the cows come home k. Heard news that he was pretty upset, which made me pretty upset in bringing up this matter up in the first place. So case closed on this matter... every will be as normal, or rather, I am sure small changes here and there... but its definately for the better... haha okok starting to blabber already.

Thats all for today, shall update more about tonite's training then, expecting it to be the toughest of them all... hehe... feeling the rush already!!!

Hell Training Day 2

Todays training was more like it... thou it fort canning, its was really fun. Did a round for warm up den we did the stairs training, where we climb up to the top of the stairs, did 20 push up and crunches, and back down doing, then do the same things. Did 6 sets of it before finishing with another round around the park. Feels good after that, dipped in the pool for awhile before washing up and return home.

Conclusion, todays workout is better, can feel my upper back and my abs aching abit... haha. Left with thursday "sprint day" tml its paddle which I guess I won't be doing. Guess I will just hit the gym tml den... tats that

Oh for my 2 rounds I clocked 8 min50sec for the warm up and 8mins 30 sec for the cool down... satisfied i guess... hehez

HELL WEEK COMMENCE!!!

Just got back from my first session of hell week. Comment, erm... not really as much kick as the last time. perhaps its because i took it easy in the chin ups so I dun really feel the strain on my arms after this evening session. Hoping tml will be better

Determination? where are u?

The more I try to tell myself to stop, the worse I get. What happened to the discipline self? Been telling myself to abstain from junk food, control my diet, get on with my regime. But its seems that I have been giving in to temptation really easily lately. The devil within keeps probing, "A little won't hurt, just have to run an additional round" or "You deserve to pamper yourself once in awhile", but this "once in awhile" seems to be picking up. Hoping this hell week will change me back to the person I used to be, the one that works out at least 1 1/2 hrs a day in the gym and an hr run in the evening. The routine I followed during my times in the camp, but now that I am out, the routine is broken, I became less commited and very LAZY!!!

Weekend, pretty boring I must say. Saturday, went for band practice, initally was planning to make it a little earlier to do some practise. But only managed to make it on time due to delays here and there. Got locked outside the room, but with Salleh "superb skills" we found our way in the back door. We were about to be roast alive. Band prac wasn't that bad lah, played pretty interesting pieces. So glad everyone managed to make it despite some having to leave earlier, but the effort is appreciated. After band, had dinner with Pei Yee, Sasa, Xiu, and another friend. Food is not too bad, but the serving is very sinful. I had a double platter beef burger, the serving is so big I could have it as 2 seperate meal. But my nature being the type that don't waste food, I finised it up guilty. Went for a little last min shopping before the shops closed for the day, as well as to digest that monster meal. Even made a little trip down to Mens 2007 for a little walk. Thou most of the item are pretty much closed as we got there pretty late. Many promoters still hunted us down like lions and fresh meat. Managed to get out in one piece. After that, a little more shopping before KTV!!! haha, was a pretty random thing lah, but we all sang to the wee hours of the morning (we refering to Sasa, Xiu and Myself).

Sunday, was suppose to go for Hellweek beefcake, but overslept (having only sleeping at 4am) thus gave that a miss. Met up with Max and Azre later in the day to do some shopping. Was pretty alright, managed to find a shop in far east selling merchandise imported from Hong Kong. Not too bad too, at pretty reasonable price. Max got himself a nice top from there. After which was more shopping and everyone grew tired as the day passes. Hmm, wonder why, but shopping trips have grown pretty boring. To be honest, there is a fear on Azre for me already. I am not as comfortable going out with him anymore, perhaps from his behaviors. Its not that its that much different from the last time, but I guess last time the principles are clear. But now, I am not sure about him.

Today, been slacking and looking forward to training later, cannot wait is the word to use. Wonder what Yong (our coach) have up his sleeve this time round. The last hell week saw the team with a gold in the expart race and our first sliver on national level. So this time round i am sure more is expected. Training is going to get more tough I expect. Just cannot wait. Heard yesterday's training was a blast. So hoping today will be the same too. Gonna go pack for later... will update soon... going to hell, give me strenght, wish me luck!!!

Change for the better?

Today, helped out with shifting (as in packing and unpacking) of the company... one word... TIRED LAH!!! haha haven't been so tired for a long time, even more tiring then shopping man. Haha Well, seeing this new place, make me miss chinatown already. The new place is at Geylang btw... The sight, sound and everything around chinatown, No More...

Well, a new place, a new beginning, a fresh start I hope. Thou the job is not likely to change, but I guess I will stay awhile more till I get stable with my school. Ladies and Gentlemen, I chose MDIS. hehez, I guess the bottomline is not how prestiguus the school is, rather do u see a path ahead of you with whatever u wish to pursue. Thou, I am sure the path ahead will be bright if I had chosen SMU, but till today, its still a blur view ahead. Whereas, for the other one, I can already see many possibilities ahead. NO REGRETS and no turning back now... wish me luck.

Seen my past 2 blog, kinda woke up the "fighting Ryan" in me, Why am I submitting to confusion again? depressed? what is there to depress? self pity? attention seeking? haha, thou there is so many question, but I have yet find any answer to them, but one thing is for sure, I am clear that I am no longer sinking lower, and will not allow myself to do so too...FIGHTING!!! Thank you everyone that have showered me with concern, felt alot better to know I am not fighting this battle alone. Life is too short to be depressed, an advise I give others when they are feeling down. Its time to use it on myself!!! Time to move on.

Apart from changing my work environment, did some changes to myself too. Get my hair trimmed after such a long time. My stylist tinks my colour is horrible, to be honest I tot so too... Thus, I GOT IT CHANGED!!! hehez... pretty satified with it, thou not many people notice, but so far feedback have been not too bad... Now playing around with different styles.... hopefully I can keep up the "trend" hehez

Next week is HELL (aka Heavenly) Week from the dragonboat team, thou I haven't been going down for paddle, I am still looking forward to this training nevertheless. Gets you dog tired but feeling brand new after that week, or rather, feel like superman... hehez. TRAINING!!! got a target to reach!!!

Thats all for now lah... shall update soon... Nites and great weekend ahead....

WWE Star trainning!!!

Sliding....

I am a great pretender... something I can proudly say... and I think I have bad mood swings, even worse then girls during their period, coz mine can come as and went it wants. Friendless? cannot blame, its me attitude to blame.

Just got back from band prac moments ago, was such a strong section last week, and this week only down to me and karen. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST!!! haha... I know wl have NDP, so thats ok... But well, its ok lah... I guess everyone have their own plans, and I won't be back for long too... just till I can get back into the water lah. 2 things that can really cast my trouble aside, making music and sports (DRAGONBOAT!!!). Was feeling ok just now, till pehaps after band ended... when things rosed again from within. Jac jioed ktv, and for the first time, there was no excitement. So I gave it a miss and now i am home. Guess I will be thinking too much if I say "hope they dun think i am anti social" haha, the very low confidence Ryan is back to find me again. Donno what hit me to make me feel this way in the first place. Time to look at myself again.

Yesterday went out with the guys, namely Max and Azre, and later on met up with Tuan and partner. Would say its alright lah, but as they met for the sole purpose of introduction, thus there wasn't much to do, and was damn odd lor. Haiz, dun feel comfortable at all, felt PART OF IT... which is not what I want to feel... Know its all for fun laughter peace and joy, but I guess in public, its too much for me to handle lah. Thou its been so many times, I am still no used to it.... and I guess I will never get used to it.

Haiz... that all ba, today went to the physio in the morning, didn't make much progress, kinda disappointed. But given green light to swim already. Another item I can do!!! woohoo!!! will strenghten my arms and hopefully will see results in 3 weeks time... wish me luck... RYAN!!! WHERE ARE YOU!!!

Shoo... Moody go away!!!

Not sure what I am up to? Just feeling really moody, started today, weird that its on a PH, or rather could be because of this PH. Everything seems very wrong today, I don't know why but nothing seems to go well for me today. Lonely once more...

Today, head down to the gym, first thing on my "To Do" list as I missed it yesterday (due to band prac). After which, was bored and didn't want to go home, so went down down town for a walk and catch a glimps of GSS since it started. Was initally planning to meet Herbert for a movie in the afternoon (since he complained that the is losing life to army), but sudden plan change to the evening kinda puts me off (guess he is tired). Tried getting my regular kakis out, but they were busy with their own activities, while others are just too tired from clubbing the night before. So me, Ryan, walked around town alone again, not the first time neither. Something I pretty much enjoyed doing lah at times. About 6ish, was deciding to go back when herbert decided to come down. However we didn't meet up, why? coz my bloody phone decided to DIE on me. So No Phone = Lost in the third dimension. Rushed home to get it charge and stuck home after. Caught 50 first dates, still so nice thou its not the first time i watched it. Will be catching Ocean 11 later.

I am losing its again, the same feeling that is pestering me begining this year is back to haunt me. I don't know whats making me feel this way, but I donno how to get rid of it. Another isolation phrase? someone to talk to? who? I have alot of friends and I am sure they are willing to lend me a listening ear, but I donno even know whats bothering me to start with. It fustrates me sometimes...GOD!!!

I am bossy, that I have to admit, but there are people that can be bossy without guilt and some people that bossy and feel guilty after. I belong in the 2nd type, I will do something and den soon after reflect and think what is going through the other person's mind. You can call that thinking too much, but I dun want it, honestly, if I can get rid of it, I am more then happy to dump it. But unfortunately, I don't know how. Its going to be another tough month ahead, I forsee it already...

Why do I keep going through such thing? why? I don't use to have such things, seems to creep into me ever since my sister crossed over? Did my sister used to feel such things? so I inherited this emotions? I realised that ever since my sister's crossing, I have change in many ways. Apart from the growing up part, I kinda taken the role as both a son and a "daughter" to my parents. No that I have turn feminie thou, just that I became a little more emotional, and more gentle in some sense. That kinda made me weak get into "the state" pretty easily i guess. Mr. Moody, please go away soon....

Will there be a rainbow tml?

Birthday filled weekend...

This weekend is all about BIRTHDAYS!!! as we have birthday three days straight... Friday, ADELINE BIRTHDAY, Saturday, NAVIN BIRTHDAY, Sunday, MY MUMMY BIRTHDAY!!! hehez... so to everyone that had their birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Its have not only been a birthday weekend, but one that I have been having a havoc... lets start off Friday. Met up with 4 beauties for dinner (namely Irene, Jac, Karen and Trisa, guess its only me that will get this privilege lah...heez) Went to Raku Restaurant, ALL MY FELLOW BLOGGERS, for your own good... DO NOT GO THERE IF U ARE PLANNING A GOOD NIGHT OUT!!! coz I certainly didn't enjoy the experience there one bit. The food ain't fantastic (but wasn't horrible, still edible lah), other than the ambience of the place, there is really nothing acceptable of the place. Its has got to be the place with the worse service attitude so far, of all the place I have been to in town that is. You get better service in Kopitiam lah!!! so angry... But in such great company, I try to keep my cool, and we had lots to talk about. After that, everyone seems to be in the vibes for a little KTV and we did. Would say its pretty enjoyable, and pretty stressful, as everyone was such good singers and me being a noob at my worse form... haha but I had fun lah... Left the place at 3 am, and keenan (Jac bf) came to fetch the ladies off, I took a little stroll in town before heading home. Town at 3 am isn't exactly as "ghostly" as I tot, its still pretty buzzing with activities at some corners of streets and all. Reached home at 4ish, showered waited for my hair to dry and finally hit the sack at close to 5am.

Saturday, got up at 10 ish, its became so routine that I watch up at that time everyday that no matter how late i sleep i will wake at that time. Went for band practise, wasn't that bad, got close to a full section and was once again the strongest section present... haha. After band prac we all meet at MS Kenny Rogers for a little dinner and "mini celebration" for Adeline. But somehow I guess that evening was not too well planned as there was not plans after dinner. Still we managed to have a little chit chatting session over at Rocky Masters. After that was home, but I went for my buddy Navin party at Gotham. The party was alright, haven't club in a very long while but it was great, thou I am sure there won't be one in a long time to come. Ended the evening at 5am ish, got a cab back in the wee hours of the morning. DEAD after...

Sunday, got up super late (say 1ish in the afternoon) haha must be the booze lah... desperately searching for water and all... Just reminded me why I hate clubbing in the first place. my vest and cap STINK BIG TIME of smoke and all man... had to air it out the entire day. Spent the rest of the day hydrating myself and stoning. Gave mum a big fat ang bao, as I always say, if you donno what to get, best is to let her get it herself. hahaha LOVE U MUM!!!

That pretty much sums up my bithday filled weekend. Later will be trying to lose some of the calories gained over the weekend in the gym... Decision more or less make for uni lah. just waiting for the papers to arrive, which is takeing forever lah. Alright den... shall update soon... CHEERS

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

TAIWAN HUA!!!!

In SHE new hit album, Zhong Guo Hua seems to have stirred displease with taiwannese, thus to counter the effect... this is wat they come up with... DAMN COOL LAH!!!

Fun but sinful weekend...

Last weekend would have to be the most sinful weekend I have thus far, considering the amount of food i stuffed into my body, but I am not going to cover too much of that, rather I would just talked about yesterday. hehez...

My day started off with KTV session with my regular KTV kakis (Trisa and Karen), my "BEE GEES Buddy (Wai Leng) a few "guest celebrities" namely Faye/Hebe (Jing Si), Sun Yan Zi (Sarah Jane) and Jay (Jackson)... haha star studded afternoon making lotsa nice music. Its was alot of fun, I took on the old man's role singing songs of my era, with those super old MV. haha But hoped everyone had fun. After that we proceeded to RP (republic poly not raffles place) for a concert. Was not a bad concert if not for the many "additional instrumentions" from the kids in the audience and the fire alarm proudly sponsored by RP.

After concert, we head to Causeway point for dinner, Sasa give me a chance to drive, and under the constant pressure of 6 lives being in my hand, I got them to the mall pretty safely. Kinda renewed my licence after one year of absence from driving, my parking skills have totally gone down the drain. Haiz... but its feels good to be behind the wheels again. Not to mention I stalled twice, argh... even when I am learning i didn't stall that many times... sian...

After dinner we went to UK fun fair, alot of childhood rides... and we could resist the temptation for the "Votex of terror". So 4 of us (Trisa, Jing si, Wei Xiang, and myself) went for it while the rest looked from below... IT WAS DAMN FUN LAH!!! the last time i had so much thrill was when I was sec 2 at Movie world riding on lethal weapon roller coaster. We walked about a little longer after that, but decided to call it a night before more rides temptation catches us... haha Fun Fun Fun sunday...

the Daredevils....

the supporters...

Women....Love... a selfish affair...

I know many girls are not going to be happy with my these entry... but I guess its about time someone shows girls the meaning of love... A little "situation" had triggered me to write this... Its been long enough... time to let some out...

Girls in love, yes blissful, sweet, romantic.... guys too, but shortlived, coz apart from selfishly saying we lose our freedom, its kinda the beginning to a "watched life". I know its very blunt to put things that way, but its not a bad way, coz we do enjoy being watched to tell you the true, the feeling of someone there by your side, and care for you when you are down, and share your happy times and all. But in love sometimes, as girls will put it, they cared too much and they become insecure about themselves... there is where problems comes in, yes, guy thou they don't say much, they are hurt.

"If ever you fall in love with someone else, please let me know in advance" seems like nothing wrong when said in a joking manner, but constantly being told sentence like this hurts a guy in many ways, and also will get the minds of the guy working. "What did I do wrong?", "Why does she say such things?", "Does she not have fate for the love I have for her?" the question continues. When you girls thinks that you are the only one that worries about relationship problems, you are very wrong man, coz guys, no matter how manly he is, do have his moments with relationship problems too. And when you gers think that when a group of guys gathering, all they could talk about is soccer, games, girls or sex, think again. Guys need girls, speaking for the majority, and no matter how "cool" they seem or are, they show affections in their own little way. Girls might not see its as something big, and even take their actions for granted, but its guys ways of showing love. Me having many female friends myself, would relatively say, girls nowadays sets high benchmark when it comes to guys, and with influence of drama series, it becomes worse. Yes they will say that well show is show, it will never happened real life and the don't really expect it to happen, but somewhere within them, we know its not true. And us being guys (in general) will try to meet their expectation unknowingly. Thats our way of showing I suppose.

Girls over insecurity can harm guys in the most deep way I must say. A worried wife trys to contact her husband, who usually have his mobile on almost everytime. He went missing for awhile, mobile off, contact non of his friends. Finally when he called back, the wife sigh a breath of relief... .so sweet right? But the wife asked "Are you having an affair outside? if not why are you in contactable?". All of a sudden, all the sweetness just turns sour. A moment of over worrying, an unforgiving probing, a deep wound to the husband. We are talking about a 25 years marriage on the line. No to say after 25 years, things will not go out of track, but being together for 25 years, you would expect some kinda bond to be there, that mutual trust, that unconditional love. After sighing a breath of relief, the wife might just forget the entire incident, but as for the husband, i am guessing the question is burning fresh in his mind. Questions will follow, wondering what is making his wife thinks that way, and I guess have deeply brought pain to him.

Girls, try to see things from guys point of view too. True enough some of these sentence you girls say, can be for real or meant to be a joke. I also understand you gers must have a reason for saying this, either from bad past experience, or influence from media or frens unfortunate encounters. To us guys, we take it personally, thou we dun seem to be bothered at times, but in actual fact, we take every words our love says into consideration, and in the hours of the night as we rest in bed, we ponder over what have happened and what have been said and start questioning ourselves when things goes wrong. This the behind the scene of what guys are going through, many do not show due to the three letter word starting with "E". But I am telling you, this is what we experience, so don't go around thinking when there is a breakup, girls are always the victim. We just learn to look ahead faster then girls, pick ourselves up sooner, and move on, with that little part of us that still wish the girl well, regardless who ask for the break up. Males are no romantic creatures, thats why there is female to teach them and show them, its pretty much the say as it takes 2 hands to clap.

Venting it out makes me feel so much better. Mood haven't been very good lately so its always good to vent things out through a different medium. Will be going into isolation mode again I suppose. Realised I can think things out better alone... Loner rulez!!!

The day I left...

What have got into me tonight? Beer? cannot be, I only had 2 bottle. The music? the ambience? the crowd? the loud music? or I guess its just me...One night alone, I guess I have lost my buddies, a moment of foolishness, a moment of bordem... a lifetime of regrets...

Took time off today to settle some personal things and go get a birthday gift for Herbert as its his birthday... After getting his gift, headed down to city hall to meet up with him. Treated us to nice japanese food, together with few more other guys... (total up to 9 guys). Had lots of fun and laughter peace and joy. After which headed off to a pub at suntec, to have a few drinks... Kinda got bored after awhile, so took a breather outside. I wonder if age is coming up, or I haven't been in the scene for too long and was not used to it. The loud music was kinda annoying me, and looking from outside, everyone seems to get restless within. Then, I did the most anti-social move of the evening, I took my bag, wish them goodnight, wish Herbert and Hui fen (another friend we met at the pub) happy birthday, and headed home. Guess everyone was dumbfounded by my actions... Honestly, I was too after I left, people who knows me knows that I will never walk away from parties, let alone my best friend's. I didn't go straight home, I went for a breather walk and walked back into town. Did alot of soul searching in the process... but well when I made the decision, I know there was no turning back... I have screwed years of friendship...

These gang of mine was since my secondary school time, and till now, I will still say my best times of my life is during my secondary school, and credits will generally goes to this gang of frens. We can have fun in just a simple gathering. But lately, due to different commitment and my diet and all, I have been drifting further away from them. I literally meet up with them once every blue moon, and I guess they felt it as well. Take yesterday for instance, when li hao jio-ed me to attend his little performance at SMU, I actually went down, and he commented "Wah rare occasion that the 5 of us is back together, must buy 4d". Thats is enough to show how drifted apart I was from them. Well, I guess after tonight, its offically a gang of 4 and not 5 I guess.

Sorry brothers... at least I know you guys have never forsake me... but it is I that have been forsaking you...

New Twist... Doctor day...

Haha everyone must be wondering why am I up so early on a mid week (9+ is pretty early considering I am usually up at 10ish everyday) well thats because I am going to see the physio later. OMG, haven't been doing what she have instructed me to do thou... so I AM SO DEAD LAH, manage only one session in the gym (which was yesterday) ever since my last physio session. Hopefully I have advance to another stage, say erm... I can start swimming? hehez...

Decide to give this year's triathlon, or rather mini triathlon (not so zai to do the full) a miss, haven't offically got the green light to swim so shall not risk such move. But there is alot of running events awaiting me in the coming half a year... hehez... hopefully by the end of the year can see a leaner and meaner RYAN KOH, hahah...

As for my uni diliemma, there is a new twist of fate as MDIS finally confirms with me after my hot pursuit. hehez. Here is the break down of the current offers I get. Lets start with SMU, they offer a degree in Infoccom System Management, a 4 years course, with a definate option of a 2nd major from any other schools in SMU in the second year. Great school, super nice campus, and being one of the youngest course in SMU, a small group of say 200 pple. No liable for any exemption of modules till test is taken. Pretty employable course (meaning able to go into almost all fields, not including specialist jobs). Now moving to MDIS, I applied for Degree in Hotel and Resort Management with University of Southern Cross, Sydney Australia, and what initally was a 3 year course, due to amendments from the uni side, have been reduced to 2 years. With my diploma, I am entitled to 6 modules exemption, so out of 24 mod, I am doing only 18. Was informed there is new facilities set up in the school and my batch would be the first batch to enjoy the facility. Finally can opt for a semester to be completed in Australia depending on myself. Job scope pretty much remains in the Hotel and resort industry, or just service sector.

So there is a simple breakdown on my diliemma, what great mental stress these 2 degree offers have brought to me is very difficult to put in words man. I have recieved many advise from friends and family, but they always ends up with "Do what you heart tells you" which is pretty much back to square one for me. The only person that gave me a straight answer was Carol (thx babe). Do share your views with me k, if any... I have till June to make the decision, then its final.

Anyway, guess thats all I have for now lah... nothing much let to blog liao, nothing much yet I suppose. Oh yah on my previous post on the JC boy incident, it did create a great responds from the crowd. Its very interesting that what started from a stupid card can become a nation wide discussion topic (well for the fact Singapore is so small, news spread fast). a very stupid way to fame if you ask me... hehez... SEEYA!!!

IQ = BRAINs? maybe not...

Was reading in the yesterday's papers about this guy from a GOOD REPUTABLE JC hitting a bus driver, just for a stupid card? Is it worth it? Its damn dumb! trouble kids get themselve into sometimes, and when matters get big, they cry... and all the shame to the poor father that have to get all the blame and even kneeing to beg for forgiveness. A moment Hero, a lifetime Zero.... Imagine going back to school, not only being known as the guy that hit a bus driver, but someone that is not responsible for his own action and have to make his dad shield him. Instant karma at its best, hitting a person his dad's age, and his dad gets all the shame... LIVE UP TO THAT!!!

I understand at the moment of anger, your mind switch off and your fist just springs into action, but all over a card, all over a girl rather? Is that girlfriend worth it, or rather the question is, "what was she tinking?" I mean she should be stopping her boyfriend. I just find everything so wrong. The victim, a man just doing his job, one sentence mention in his interview really touched me. He says, "I was taken aback when I got hit, a kid even younger than my own child hit me, but how could I hit back? He was just a child, but i felt my respect taken away from me." Getting beaten is not really about the external wounds, but the internal one, the ones that affects ur inner self. This boy did not only inflict damage to the bus driver, but also his dad, just think of the shame the father have to bear for the rest of his life. This scar that never heals. But a father's love is undoubtly great man. As the saying goes "Under every guys knees there is gold" thus its not easy for guys to kneel or beg, but it seems that the boy's dad have already given up all for his child, the ultermate love. Hopefully this will serve as a lesson for many, and i do hope that this boy gets a second chance on behalf of his dad. It really a story u will look back and laugh thinking "All these trouble for a card? worth it?"

Ok enough on my views on news lah... haha once in awhile I can get pretty annoyed by things in news that I really need to express... feels better once its off the chest. Back to my weekend. Hmm... Saturday, went for SMU briefing, my inital plan of just going for a listen even thou my mind have been fixed was once again thrown back into a diliemma. I have to admit, SMU is very very persuasive as they really do show the true potential that you will be facing upon graduation. Felt terrible after walking out from the lecture theatre. Confused confused confused... was initally suppose to meet up with Sherine and Adeline to shop, but only to find out they cancelled it due to bad weather, so I went walk around alone instead, at the same time find plans with others. Great Singapore Sale is creeping close, and my wallet is already itching to be emptied... haha (it not very full to start with) but my determination is keeping my wallet firmly in my pocket. But later that evening manage to go KTV with karen and Trisa, first time with sasa again after her chickenpox! and it was FUN lah... haha got so hooked on to singing lately, not sure why... love to hear my voice amplified pehaps... hehez. After that, we reluctantly called it a night as nothing else was left open and head home. That session keep me lost from the diliemma for awhile but found me back after i reached home... didn't had a sound sleep.

Sunday, MUMMY's DAY!!! didn't managed to get anything for my mummy, not very good with getting things for mum to begin with coz I really have no idea what she like. Stopped shopping with her since secondary school? maybe earlier. Anyway brought her out for sushi, kept promising to bring her one day but never manage to find the time. So what better day then mother's day. Did enjoy a little quiet moment with my mum, we seem to have endless topics, she would tell me alot about her gang of frens, which suprisingly never bores me. I too took the oppotunity to tell her about my uni diliemma even with the knowledge of what her answer would be. "As long as you are happy, we will support you". After lunch, my mum headed to the hospital to see my auntie who undergone an operation for her leg. So I headed home and rot for the rest of my day. Finished Pirates of the Carribean, the Black Pearl and the rest of my Full House. haha, then ended of my day with some exercise, simple skipping a stair climbing...

Nothing special for today or this week rather, at least none i can forsee as yet. smooth sailing as usual. Nothing to look forward to, just hoping this diliemma would be over real soon. alright thats it for me... cheers and great week ahead.

Dr. Ryan Koh - Love Doctor...

Apart from my diliemma about my recent uni choice, I have been poking my nose into other people's business, or love life I suppose. I am like reliving my past, as I help out fren's that faced problem with their relationship. Its a BIG THING, for someone that have been single all my life, and for the fact that people thinks I am very knowledgable in relationships. Love GURU? pehaps... But all I did pretty much is providing a listening ear, and giving opinion from a third party point of view and hopefully problems can be resolved in a peaceful manner. Maybe I should start a clinic for my business? haha...

Well the past few days was pretty alright for me lah, went for the SAF band public performance at Taka yesterday. What I thought was a short performance, ended up taking and hour plus, ITS A FULL CONCERT LAH!!! hehez, but its nice to see them lah... rare occasion to see parade band getting to sit down and perform. But I guess its as its a weekday night, there wasn't much crowd. Then again, I am pretty proud to see many ex-bandmates lah. hehez..

Back to the topic on LOVE. What is LOVE? A simple question but one that is very difficult to answer or rather have many different ones. And when someone say they are in love, but at times they ponder if its their true love? Define true love? Is there a definate answer to this four letter word? To me it seems infinte too. Can past love still be frens? is that even possible? knowing that you love someone that dun really love you back, worth it? if its not, why izit so difficult to let go and move on? How to satisfy a hunger for love, how can I tell that he/she still loves me after all this time? How come this guy is such a jerk, but a part of me still accepts him, makes me miss him, makes me happy when getting a call, or even an sms from him? is this love too? So many questions, so little answers.... these is only a portion of the question i faced while helping out... not that bad eh... do tag your views man... on you defination on love... Cheers!

Things are picking up... i tink...

After that fall on wednesday, nothing bad happened to me (at least I hope nothing will ever happen). Anyway, got my mail and phone notice, that I made it into Singapore Management University. Yes, me, Ryan Koh, made it into SMU. shocker huh? everyone that heard this news seemed pretty excited for me, and I have been recieving alot of congraz, but why am I not even half as enthu as they are?

Ever since I finished the interview that day? I really had a very strong gut feeling that I would make it somehow. I honestly didn't do well in that interview, just that I did showed more confidence over the rest of my fellow interviewees. Apart from that, we are pretty equal I must say. But from the amount of eye contact I got compared to the rest. I kinda felt "special" like it was more like a one to one session rather than a group. I guess its true as the saying goes "when you try for something too hard, u might not get it, but when u really cannot be too bothered, the thing comes knocking on the door".

Enough about school I guess, really alot of consideration. Now back to my norm life. Guess its better then many other pple and its pretty unfair to be whining... but hey a blog is a place to destress to a certain extend, isn't it? nothing special happened this week, except maybe for today, or yesterday rather (considering its already past midnight). Did went back for paddling, after like 1/2 year of absence. Was very warmed by the reception, everyone asking about me, people glad to see me back and all, its feels like family when I am with them. Training was alright today, wasn't in the best boat but still managed to pull of a number of close wins. Its my mindset I guess, its been drilled into me, regardless it being just training or competition, my mind switches to a competitive mode, even i cannot explain. The desire to win is so strong that many times it overwhelms me... Its only after I got ashore just now that I have been pretty bossy on the boat, shouting orders and stuff. Felt bad, its like just returning after 6mths absense and I am already giving orders? boy do i hate myself.

Anyway, enough on that part i suppose, i did enjoy paddling, and am really looking forward to tml when the aches starts to set in me... sadist right? hehez.. I see its as and enjoyment, kinda the result of pushing urself. Always feels good. Was suppose to head straight into town after training, unfortunately one side of my contact lenses got washed out during training, and since I was going for a movie, I had to go home and get changed. Rush home, dumped my wet stuff, changed to my specs and head straight out, grabbing to buns as dinner as I was starving. Got there about 745 and met up with ZhongXi and Sherine first. By the time I got there, kinda lost all appetite and the 2 buns I took seems to have already expanded and filled me up. So as the three of them (including Xiu that have join us shortly) had their dinner, i just took a couple of glass of water. After that we carried on with the movie "Spiderman 3"

Maybe my expectation for the movie was abit high, as the last 2 was good. So this one was kinda below expectation for me. Thou there was an introduction of 2 new villains, but much time from this 2 1/2 hr movie is spent on romance and all, which can get pretty draggy at times. But I would give credit as they didn't leave much room for audience to ponder, like "why izit like that? or what happened to _____?" kind. Detailed but pretty dragy, overall still a blockbuster to catch... Spiderman 4? don't mind watching if there is one, but looking forward to it... hmm... i would consider about it...

This is my take on Spiderman 3, didn't want to get into details as many should not have watch it yet. So shall not spoil the fun for everyone. Well its really a small town i must say, just cafe cartel alone, I met Jinsi and gang having dinner, as well as my buddy herbert. hehez...Its a small small world...

Well i guess thats all I have, tml will be Sunday, shall enjoy myself and pehaps drop by town for cog. Till den, have a great Sunday, rest well for now and candy dreams....

May just got worse...

To think yesterday was bad, today was no better. Well, again it was the way of ending the day. This is how the entire things went, went for a jog around my neighbourhood. Usually would make a clockwise run, but decided to take a counter clockwise route today instead. As I literally sprint down a slope, I saw a construction worker up front fixing something. He parked his bike right in the middle of the pathway, so naturally I took the inner way to avoid the sharp barriers at the side of the road. As I take the leap, something caught my left ankle, and I took a plunge into the ground.

Initally, a sharp pain hit me, I couldn't move despite the worker attempt to help me up. Its took me awhile to catch my breathe and mustered my strenght to get myself off the ground. My ankle was hurting but thank god it wasted sprained. I kicked on the pole of the board that guy was fixing. It was so well hidden that, travelling at that speen, its impossible to see. Was very mad with the worker, but seeing him apologising non stopped, and checking if I am alright, the heat within me cooled down. He is here to earn a leaving, no point blowing up the matter and have him sent back over this small matter right? Besides, I only have a few scratches here and there. After a short while rest, I ran back home at a slower pace, determined to complete my workout.

2 days into the month of may and already fell 2 days in a row... how unlucky is that... Tml will be better? i certainly hope so... for now... its nursing my wounds lah... Nights everyone!

Labour day... unforgettable...

Yesterday, labour day, public holiday, felt very sinful after that supper I had the night before, so first thing in the morning headed down to the gym, wishing to burn some of the guilt away. But the place was so packed with people that my motivation gone together with the time I had to wait for my turn at the weights or machines. Nevertheless, I still managed a 1 1/2 hour session.

Afterwhich, bought lunch and headed home. got some stuff prepared for m y little ktv session with my section before heading out again to meet them. A little miscommuncation caused Andy Koh and Fong Cheng not able to join us for ktv session. Was really a small matter, so I will not futher elaborate. We still managed to meet up for dinner thou, had ma lan huo guo. The chilli for that evenings soup was really powerful, considering we onli ordered medium spicy, everyone is already pespiring, and andy even got himselves sauage lips for awhile. Its was pretty strong i must say, so much so I can feel the "heat" exiting my system as I when to the toilet for a leak. And what better way to end the evening then another freaking embaressing moment for me!!! thinking about it is enough to turn my face as red as an apple man. I shall not go into details, but to summarise the story, I BROKE A CHAIR IN THE PLACE!!! yah yah yah, laugh all you want... coz its funny i have to agree. Thank god its was already close to 10 when that happen and the crowd was more or less not there. Unforgettable moment.... to all the people that say "WOW, ryan you have gone so slim lah" and "WOW, ryan looks like u have lost alot of weight", at that moment, I was thinking, please eat your words back... I tried laughing it off, but well its not easy, to be very honest. Its the most embaressing moment yet, since I have been working out and all... I WEIGHED A TONNE AND I STILL DO!!! haiz...

After everyone got a good laugh we all headed home "contented", at least most did I guess. Guess I will not be going back to that place anytime soon. maybe till I reduced abit of the weight. Its been awhile since I felt so insecure about weight issues, and slowly after I start working out, I thought i have conqured it... but from last night... everything just crumbled, like the twin tower of 9/11. Its will take a long while before i can recover from this wound i guess... but recover I must. wish me luck on it lah...

Today, nicely at my desk finishing up some work. I guess everyone is gonna hate me for this, but I do like working, keeps my brain working. Maybe for the fact that I am doing a part time currently I can say that, but when I start working full time, who knows right? but till then, I am enjoying life and my formula to life now is pretty simple. Work=no need to rot= income=money to enjoy on shopping and other stuff! hehez...

Alright then... guess thats all my labour day... Today marks my 1 year since I passed driving! Happy Birthday Licence!!! thinking of getting a bike licence next... will try to talk to my dad about it... den maybe a bike? Vespa? hehez... we shall see...

All its well...

Today, covered physio and medical check up, it will be 2 mths since my operation and on wednesday, marks my one year from getting my licence... haha and also one year of not touching a car!!! haha *haiz....

Anyway, today physio and check up was great, I surpassed the expectation of both my physio therptist and my doctor. I broke her record in attaining full range movement, now all I have to concentrate on is getting the strenght back on my right shoulder and also lower back and not forgetting my triceps.... hahah YES!!! finally weights training back on track, thou can only work on light ones... but still beats not being able to do any at all... At the doctor side, after seeing my progress in my range... he was very please and was kinda shocked too considering its just 2 month from my op. I will now only have to see him 4 mths from now, which is 6mth from the operation. By then, he will determine if I can go back to sports... Meanwhile, he did mention I can do my sports but dun over extert lah... hehez.... Good news from the check up pretty much cheered up my day.

After that, went down to town to walk and caught the movie "200 pound beauty". Great comedy. Thou the 2 girls behind me "enhanced" the sounds system many times... I still enjoy the show. It brought tears to many in the theatre, both tears of laughter and sadness (or rather tears from touching scenes). Overall, beauty is really skin deep, learn alot from the movie, hopefully I will see out of my shell one day too. Met up with Sherine after that, was suppose to catch the movie with her, but as she had class, I went alone only to find out later she "pon tang" class. haha but she didn't waste her time also lah.... spent it on pampering herself big time lor... done pedicure and got a new hairstyle... Rather Nice I would say... the "fresh" look. hehez, after which we had SUPPER at rocky master. Yes you heard right, supper, me... haha these words just doesn't apply on me lah... we had PIZZA and POTATOE WEDGES!!! haha felt damn sinful after having them. Have been telling myself its a reward from the achinevement I have on my arm. hehez... Tml gonna go gym first before meeting up with the section for KTV session... hehez.. sing again! what a way to start the month man... hehez...

Alright, I guess that pretty much ends my month... Shall blog again when free lah... NITEZ!!! MUACKZ to all....

And the Musical is over...

After a month of preparation, Dance Alive the musical have finally ended with a pretty nice full stop. Everyone ended the evening with cheers and smiles, and never-ending photo taking session to remember this wonderful event. After so many years of performing, its always fun when everything ends in a success. Guess thats what kept my in the performance circle for such a long time, the sense of achievement, the bonds formed between old and new friends... priceless...

Through this musical, I made many new friends, and got in touch of my musical side once again. Many a times I got dishearten by these "kids", but during the performance, it seems that they still have in them some professionalism in them afterall. There is still hope for this people. One things I respect is for their commitment to the event, attendance have been very well. Part of the credit will have to go to Sarah Jane, a new friend and the current President of the band. Nice job done. All I can say about NYPSB now is that is an unpolished diamond, and under the craftmenship of laoshi, and hopefully the current committee, it will be shiny and dazzling in many years to come. My faith is with them.

Apart from Sarah Jane, I also know many other pple, like Miki, Jolin, Tony and Eunice from my section. Xueli and Audrey and many many more lah... oh yah and my good friend Dennis, after so long, finally got to perform on the same platform with him once again. The last time we performed togther was hmm.... Australia trip? hahaha. Also, it feels great to be on stage with some of the fellow WMC gold medalist like Amelia, Thomas, Meiting, Yi Hui, Gideon, Zhi Hui, Jing Si, Pei Yi, Andy Koh, Wai Leng and many others (sorri if i forget to mention your name). Bu tthe best I suppose was being under our resident conductor Mr Luk.

Welll shall end today's blog with PHOTOS of the wonderful 2 day performance...

Age sets in...

Today, was feeling bored and looking back at past photos, the one taken in Australia in particular. Its a strange experience, but in a good way. Looking at those pictures actually brought be back to that particular period of time, and its very very fond memories.

Comparing my past to the present, its seems that I have lost alot of laughter and fun times. It got me thinking whether losing all that weight was worth it... Seems to me I am happier and more carefree when I was fat. Needless to worry about how others look at me, at least that wasn't my major concern (unlike now). I wonder did I lose the fun ryan with lots of smiles and laughter times in the process of my weight loss. Did it go off together? I wonder...

Today, last practise before the actual tml, everything went pretty smoothly. After practise,went to makan, along they way, they made alot of noise chasing each other and all. I used to be one of them... but tonight I seems like I really dun fit in at all... I see what "Generation Gap" means for the first time. I hate it when I contridict myself.... here I am saying I will stop meddling in NYPSB problems, but there I was, worrying for their future, their current states. I have to stop this, its not who I am, I was "professional" last time, leaving after prac and no worries about anything. RYAN GET A HOLD OF URSELF... find back the past fun and laughter... anyone hu knows tell me how... I am getting myself too involved... and its not good... haiz...

Well off to prepare for tml liao... Nightz!!!

Musical...

I am finally taken a breather from all the rehearsal this past few days, returning home close to midnight every night. Missed home cooked food, and free time, reaching home before the suns set,etc. I miss home... hehez...

Now move on to my day, its a day of work and gym basically. Got down to office in noon to do some work. We are shifting, likely location being thomson, serangoon garden or geylang. OMG!!! all pretty inconvinent (except for gardens). Saw quite a number of victims to fashion disasters today. Not that I am fantastic in fashion or what, but those people literally have and invisble signboard hanging around their neck with "I AM A FASHION DISASTER! LOOK AT ME!" written on it. I shall name one example. While i was heading to the gym from work, I was in the train when this girl came on the train a few station after me. Her overall colour was black. She is a tall girl. She wore a baby doll top with white floral print with a flary bottom layer, accessoried with a black thin glossy belt. den her bottom, she wore super skinny jeans and to end off her horror, a pair of rubber "crocs" alike shoes. Might sound ok to some of u... but its not lah... the flare from her top and the skinny jeans didn't compliment her hip at all making her look very broad on her mid section. She is tall and her top was very short, which make her proportion what? 20 to 80? it was that bad... worse her skinny jeans seems too short, exposing part of her ankel, so its like neither a full jeans nor a 3/4. Thus the shoe was just "icing to the cake" yah thats the fashion disaster example, she is averaging looking but she definately needs a waredrobe make over man....

Worked pretty hard in the gym today. My weight have been stagnent at 75ish for a very long while now... thou this is my inital target, my new target is 72kg, which seem harder then climbing to the top of mount everest. But I have no one but myself to blame lah, my diet is screwing up, abstaining from eating at the wrong time, ended up eating and snacking late at night, going to bed feeling bloated. Haiz... Time to revise my diet again. Apart from that, the shoulder is still restricting me from doing push-ups. Delaying my plans to get to the level of fitness i want. Damn...

Well thats all for today lah, been raining the entire day, hopefully tml is gonna be bright and sunny as I am going for a tan!!! so SUN PLEASE COME OUT!!! other then that, more rehearsals for musical as the actual is on Friday and Saturday, starts at 7pm till 8ish i suppose. Cya pples!!!

Awesome Weekend!!!

This weekend is one of the best weekend that I had since ages ago, not that its was much different from other weekend, just that I attended one of the best musical ever written, The Phantom Of the Opera, and it didn't disappoint. Will go into more details of it later on...

Saturday, met up with the gang, with old and new cliques (Old being Meiting and Sasa, new would have to be Jing Si, Sarah and that guy, which i cannot remember his name... oppz sorri). Anyway met them in town, they had lunch and since I had a filling breakfast, I forgo lunch. That table continues with its "never ending battle" story, hehez, I guess only those present will understand where I am heading. I shared abit of my views and hopefully not inflicting too much pressure on anyone. After lunch (which was like 4pm) we went for a little window shopping. Initally wanted to catch a movie but there wasn't any good slots. In the evening, Meiting and sarah left us, the guy left earlier after lunch to meet his frens. So its left with Sasa, Jing Si and Me. we followed Jing Si to PS, as she wanted to check something out at creative. But after a LONG consideration, we still left the place empty handed (hehe guess I was putting too much pressure on Jing Si, sori arh...) hehez... Xiu came to meet us during that period of time, and after dinner, everyone being as ON as they are, decide to go KTV (2nd weekend in a row). We sang our hearts out, and as Sasa wasn't in her best condition, she still managed to perform fairly in a different class. hehez... its was really enjoyable, and I must say, Jing si can sing. Would classify her under the Hebi (from SHE) and Faye (from FIR) range. but she can sing. Ended off the session at 1am, and its was still alot of laughs in the cab home.

Sunday, initally wanted to get a tan at Sentosa, but my lazy bone got the best of me, and ended up slacking home the entire day. Prepared myself for the big night an hour early (I can be quite a lady, when comes to dressing up, haha love taking my own sweet time, hehez...) Was suppose to meet with Sasa and Karen for dinner, which ends up as a romantic dinner for 2 as Sasa "fly the plane" at the very late min. Dinner was enjoyable as we chatted and waited for the rest to arrive. When everyone has more or less arrived, we head down to the esplande for the show I have been waiting and looking forward to for the longest time. It was also a reunion for me and my bestie Shi Jia, haven't seen her in awhile and she is still as helpless when it comes to my "wet blanket" jokes.. hahaha (i can get pretty evil at times *muahahaha, but only to people I know very well lah... hehez..) Shortly after we enter and when every is seated down, the show commences, and it was like we were literally transported to another world. Everything from the costumes to the lightings to the props was excellent, and every scenes seems like paintings on the wall. Not to mention, the singing was superb, listening to them will definately have a whole new meaning to me when I play the concert piece in the future. Its no wonder its one of the longest running music around. Words are really unable to describle how good it was, all I know was that when it was all over, I applaured till my hand hurt, and there was this one particular scene, where I was so moved, that a tear actually rolled down my cheek, it was that good.

Apart from the great singer, there was also a great orchestra that backs them up. From the sounds of its, I was expecting at least a 70 or 80 strong Orchestra to be backing them up. But as the show ended, we went forward to check out the orchestra and was amazed by what we saw... Its was just shocking... Overall, a wonderful night, and once again the feeling of "Unreal" just came back to me, like when I was at holland to compete in WMC, it just feel like it didn't just happened in that period of time. I was also taken aback by the number of friends I met in just one night. Hehe

As it was a Sunday night, we headed straight home after the performance. Would really love to sit and chat about the performance with them, but considering everyone gotta work the next day, we had no choice. Went back with Shi Jia (considering we stay 15 mins apart), on the way we talk and catch up abit. As usual, there will be a topic touched on me being single and who I am targetting, blah blah blah. Its nothing but everytime this topic is brought up, its would get me thinking alot, like "why?" and all that kinda stuff... True, I really would love to be in a relationship, but its not like I have much of a choice when the right person doesn't not appear right? I wonder at times, even if I meet the right girl, how am I to approach? In the past, even when I didn't meet the right girl, but my "over-warm" attitude, almost ruin friendship. So should I take the "soft" approach? hmm... hahah see how much it made me think.

I am not sure if this happens to u... but do you ever feel uneasy when u have a very close friend, the type where you can literally make fun of and know he/she is not gonna be angry type, is with her spouse and you reaction would be like a total stranger towards him/her, even when her bf/gf is also a fren of ur? Its like this barrier is there, making me feel very uneasy and just avoid them altogether. Guess partly due to past experience i suppose... HEHE love the last sentence shi jia left me with when i sent her home. "hope u dream of your girl tonite." Thx alot girl!!!

Anyway, a evening of masquerade and music of the night its was really a point of no return... hehez... Worth every SGD spent... Contented...

I am getting all Phony!!! hehez...

Its is down to this 2 models...

The Sony Ericsson W660i


Sony Ericsson W580i

Both phones are currently not out in the market yet, hopefully they will be out soon so that by the time I buy them, the price will be better. Initally, I have many options to choose from, like the O2 Graphite, Nokia 6300, and initally the W880i from Sony Ericsson. After a "friend-wide" vote, Sony Ericsson seems to win the votes of many. So the brand was more or less decided. Then was the phone, was considering a walkman phone (W880i) or the cybershot phone (K800i). But when I finally decided on the phone i wanted, reality slapped me in the face. My plan for my previous phone is not complete yet. ARGH!!! so now I just have to wait, hopefully the phone will be out soon... do give me comments yah... if u all have other better ideas... thx thx

Updates...

A week have past since I last been here. Plenty of things to update but donno where to begin. Well lets start from saturday then.

Saturday, got up pretty early to go Pulau Ubin for a cycles with my flute mates. Its been a long time since I last visited the place, and was kinda looking forward to it. The changi pier changed a whole lot, thou i still prefered the old one, the new one just doesn't bring back anymore memories. As we set foot on Pulau Ubin, the place haven't change abit. We were still welcomed by bicycle shop owners eagerly promoting their bikes to us. We finally settled on a stall and rented bikes for the entire day. I had to share a bike with my Wai Leng as she doesn't know how to ride a bike. Honestly was kinda reluctant initially, but things kinda became alright, and I did enjoyed sharing a bike with her, its my first experience. hehe and its a good one, amazing things tag team can do man... hehez... We all cycled till we were drenched to the skin, den constantly hydrate ourselve with litres of water. Haha... but we pratically covered the entire island, taking pictures along the way. Its was alot of good fun, for that fact that its really something out of the norm. After a day of cycling, we had a hearty meal at pulau ubin, thou it wasn't fantastic, its wasn't too bad neither. Was thinking of ending the night late with some ktv, but unfortunately the branch at Tampines have been closed down, and there isn't any near by. Declined Sherine's offer for majong at her place, as I didn't feel comfortable going to someone elses place stinking from a day of activites. So, after that, we all decide to call it an early night, and headed home...

Sunday, worried about the uneven tan i would get from Ubin, I headed down to the beach for a little tan. The beach was packed, and thou the sun was not very strong, due to the clouds, I still managed to get a pretty even out tan. After which, walked around vivocity, updated myself on the "fashion" scene before heading home.

My week was pretty much all band, been going for practise on Monday and Wednesday, both days are rehearsal for this little musical the school is putting up to celebrate its 15 years anniversary. I must say its pretty fun lah. Tuesday was out shopping with a couple of my friends, Azre and Max. Must say its a pretty enjoyable day, thou we are stuck in the rain half the time. we still managed to cover a few spots where there are nice things to look around at. We end up at starbucks by Fullerton Point, and really had a very good conversation. Found out more about Max, and well, and pretty much gossip more. After that we called it a night lah...

Today, must be the only time I felt alive again after such a long while, as I went for training with Angelina and the dragonboat team. Its so fun, finally able to run again, and pushing myself to complete all the circuit training. Thou I couldn't do some of the stuff the guys did, like pushups and chinups, but i didn't feel leftout as I replaced them with other exercises. Was totally drenched with rainwater and pespiration by the time we got back to wayne's place. Had a little wash up before heading home. Feeling tired now, but really satisfied.

Guess thats all I hafta say man... shall end with some photos from my ubin trip then...enjoy